your challenge is one of discipline and choice. they are karmic influences that cause you considerable pain, and they have both entrapped you in a decisive strategy that you are only subliminally aware of. the toxic lifestyle controls you, but you have a chance here for liberation, it's a good chance but it requires you take on the challenge of choice and discipline.
making a choice requires a clear mind, free from impulsive trickery and foggy consequences and the company of idiots.
once a choice is made it needs discipline to stay in the decision.
discipline comes from knowing who you are. if you are identified as the clique drunk party person then that is what you remain, it's an inescapable fate. others share the perception and re enforce the reality. your friends are not your friends, they are sating their own impulsive demons, you all re affirm your lifestyle to one another so it becomes, validation.
a true friend will not.
a true friend will not feed you these things and assist you in becoming more healthy and living a cleaner life, free from dramatic impulses and the lure of the glamour. these are rare people, most won't stick around, they will see a lost cause. i know that you are not even any where near full potential, i know you're struggling with it, the lost years, the wasted relationships and the meaningless empty void. these are the energies one needs to acknowledge before one can break free from them. they do not define you.they are a process at work.
discipline is one choice, one single thing, a commitment to an exercise regime, plan, man, woman, a child, a responsibility embraced, it is this path that leads to liberation, lest i would never spend my time with you. the secret of relationships is being there for that person, believing in them.
i believe in you.