what's happened to me?
work has lost it's meaning. i literally resent my time there now. the company is just a nasty awful manager heavy sleek money machine that operates from plush glass hi tech offices on the northern beaches and lets it's clients live in leaking old homes that fall apart. there is no joy left in my work, just endless communication issues as various african, indian middle eastern people struggle with basic english. the simplest thing now takes half a day, because communication skills are deficit.  it's an awful feeling watching an industry you are passionate about turn into the blandest institutionalised service that basically pretends it's cutting edge. 
anyway fortunately work is no longer my life. i don't have to spend much time there anymore. lets say it pays the mortgage. 

recently i feel 'her' my twin, it's intense and awful as sometimes i want to pick up the phone and say hello, but to do that would just be far to pointless, a woman who is so vain and sociopathic will lead to no joy or peace, just the dumb drama she creates.

i fight the urge and end up meeting some friends in the city, we wander through our fave spots, i end up in a polish tee shirt shop buying a really hp lovecraft inspired design, and my friend buys a dragon. later i realise how expensive the items were but i guess the design is exceptional and i do need new tee shirts.

the shop specialises in tattoo artists from poland who design for tee shirts but only very limited editions so there are only about 100 printed. the quality is excellent although i have to cut the sleeves off.

i end up in spice alley, it's amazing, vibrant and colourful, filled to the brim with people and the smell of street food is almost a meal itself. i love this place as we weave through the restaurants and colours, as we split up to find our sources, wow eating should be an experience. i like asian culture, it feels natural to me, the food is energy dense, the steam, heat, the colour and freshness. everyone looks happy, it's an orgy of food. 

 

since my return it has been hectic, but in a good productive sort of way. i've achieved a few things around the house, set the garden furniture up so i can now enjoy an al fresco breakfast and write from the luxury of my new outdoor office space, perfecto. 
secondly my garden has been hacked back, the jungle now trimmed down to a minimum, encouraging growth for spring. it looks amazing, and i am also prepping the indoor plants for spring planting, new pots, new plants. if i can just find a good self watering system!
i've thrown out a hell of a lot of stuff, papers and junk i kept on to, it feels much more lighter inside, the books are a problem but as soon as i can adapt the space in the garage i will have storage space, another room. 

yesterday i helped tina move house, she's up from melbourne and needed a hand, so in my enthusiasm i offered. i almost regretted it as it was extremely physical but i enjoyed the exercise and met her new employers who are setting up an organic spice warehouse. they were amazing, and i now have a great organic spice contact. tina drove me home at about 11pm so i was well fucked.

the mornings i spend walking up to the lookout, it's a punishing walk and i'm usually outta breathe at the peak but the view is magnificent and the whales are swimming north. you can see them, it's wonderful. by then the sun had risen and i'm ready for my coffee. 

slowly i get there, step at a time, my new life looks brilliant.

i spend a few days reacclimatising, it's so cold at night i'm in bed early and wake up at dawn.  the birds are there to greet me, it's a good time for me to check e mails, make coffee and put some laundry on. i've had so much to do around the house, gardening, de-cluttering and generally getting rid of a lot of junk i no longer need. i'm highly motivated at the moment, i even do my work outs and stretching. i tend to walk around the block, looking at the wonderful gardens, down by the little river at the back of my house. i'm reading a bit, finished alastair reynolds, 'inhibitor phase' just before i left the uk, and now i am enjoying, 'how to kill your family,' a very well written english novel by a lady called, bella mackie.

inhibitor pahse continues where absolution gap left us, although it is a stand alone novel it makes sense to read the sequence in order. this is the best sci fi writer around in my opinion so i loved it, but want more. no one writes science fiction like alastair. 

'kill' is a very dark, funny and cleverly written story, filled with wry observations and a relentless plot that keep you on your toes, it's perfect for an airplane journey. i really loved the main character, she is the perfect anti hero, i just hope she makes it. i'm halfway through and try to read a chunk each day.

i'm a lucky guy to have a son like jake, i tell you he's a unique and brilliant man. i look at him and i see his intelligence,  his humanity, his genius at understanding people, his creativity and business acumen but most of all i see a  human being that gives me hope. 
it's always hard spending time with him, being a hard working guy his time is precious but he always makes it for me, and the effort he made was magnificent, as my family is not without it's weird dynamics and difficult individuals,  jake has to negotiate all off us, like handling nitro glycerine is parts. this time everything was complicated when mum, dad and myself ended up with covid. i recovered very quick, i slept for 4 days and nights and basically my regime of vitamin d, c and zink meant my immune system was fully prepared to defend me. it turned out my father had been infected for 10 days previous, plus he had caught another strain previously that no one knew about, it was fortunate in someways he was rushed to hospital after a nasty fall, the medics discovered his heart was failing and he required a pacemaker but while in the ward they also discovered his covid infections through blood work. the hospital experience was difficult, dad tried several times to leave, he woke up from deep sleeps confused mixing up dreams with reality, at times he thought he was in a really bad hotel. he asked me several times for money so he could get a cab home, he was quite funny and somewhat sad. after two weeks of hospitalisation i reached my final day and had to leave, thinking he would be discharged i went to pick him up only to find that the hospital required him for another 24 hours so i would have to say goodbye while he was in his hospital bed. he asked if i could stay, offered to pay but i couldn't. i made it to the airport only to be stopped from boarding, as usual my new entry visa was an issue. i had applied for it a week earlier as i needed to renew it. it was approved and fortunately i printed out a hard copy. as at the check-in there was a problem. an hour later and some international phone calls to australia, i was permitted to board. the flight was the long haul but i slept most of the way and landed in sydney at 5am, only to arrive back home at midday.
it was a gorgeous morning,  the wonderful city was enriched by vivid colour and golden light, and when i got home after a shower i went shopping for groceries. it was good to be home, a new appreciation for australia after the dismal grey atmosphere of london, the strange complex dynamics within my family, but man, i miss jake and my dad, more than ever.

jake and i in london, the trains are packed and the streets crowded with people, flags and banners everywhere. it's quite amazing. apparently the queen is having a party, there's a few big bands and famous types playing, duran duran, nile rodgers, elton john, rod stewart, some big names i have never heard of. it's alicia keys that steals the show, she is just amazing.

we head for govinda's for hare krishna food. wonderful, you can't really go wrong with that. i remember when jake was a kid we would often go to the temple for lunch. he would have a set of bongos he would play in the back of the car while i would ad lib some words. 

if i was ever dating someone i'd always take em to the cinema upstairs, i saw so many films there but inevitably after such a lovely diner i would fall asleep halfway through the film, those massive comfy cushions didn't help.