Monday, December 31, 2018

a couple of early morning waves keep me focused on the prize, a few massive ones nearly crush me, but it's all experience. 
i haul my ass over to kings cross to meet jakob for lunch, he's somewhat trashed after a big night and morning at the beach, looks better than me though. we wander around find a cafe that makes amazing snacks, and a selection of great juices. the guy whom runs it is lovely and we chat with him for a while, then head down through the park to check out the carnivorous plant exhibition at the botanical gardens, some of these plants are just alien. it really reminds me of a jungle planet i wrote about a long time ago. 

later we visit the art gallery and although i have felt uninspired and a little cynical i did see some magnificent koori pieces that were breathtaking and profound.

jakob seems to have developed a taste in art and has great appreciation of style, emulating my own philosophy. we have great chats and get deep about a few subjects but time runs out and once again i make my way home alone.
however, i am grateful i have an interesting son, a man whom is very much an individual. i love him and who he is. it's quite remarkable. 

Thursday, December 27, 2018

i do loathe this time of year, it never fails to depress me because i am so alone. even with jake here, about one and a half hours away i am alone, and have been since about 1992. that's okay it will pass and xmas will never retain it's value other than a commercial exercise in tension, money and loneliness and a desperation for life to just get back to normal where expectations are low. 
i worked a few hours xmas day, then travelled to kograh to visit val and olga for a hash cookie and catch up. i have not seen them for ages and spent boxing day with them. they took me to the infamous cronulla and i went for a surf with val, later into newtown for a movie and some drinks, dinner and goodbye. it's always good to see them. 
back home i fell into a deep sleep.
this morning i took myself to the beach at dawn and caught some great waves, the water was amazing, refreshing and nurturing and whatever tension and residual anger / bitterness washed away. that energy is deep inside my bones but every day it seems easier to carry, divorce is hell when children are involved. dad's always lose out, that's the way it is i guess. what can you do but surf away the blues, maybe learn the harmonica.
it's hot, sun burns through the day like an avenging angels sword. the birds come for assistance, water, food, even my fish are chilling under their bridge. me i swan around in my sarong, not really knowing what to do with myself.  

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

it's just such a great energy hanging out with my son, he's the smartest guy i know, streets and wisdom, and he knows how to have a good time. 
it's good to know i was part of getting something right, his mum did a great job, no denying that. he was really spawned in avalon, part of a great little community of possibilities although i liked newport as it had a little bit of punk in the beach town, eventually that was jazzed up and made to look like florida or something. 
anyway's avalon was outside the box, filled with strange art cats, creatives, cosmic stuff. i was tuned on to some great meditations and astral travelling all over the place. picking up transmissions, sending signals, it was a trip. a good one. 
for jake it was paradise as well, but in a way babies and toddlers dig. beautiful safe beach with rock pools abundant with life, hard core world class surfers out on the north, boogie board riders and much younger kids growing up swimming in smaller waves, in the outside, unafraid, adapting to environments, learning to love and being loved. i read a lot to him, even in the womb, looked after him for the first 3 years, the best years i ever had, how i look back on those three years, i was so lucky to have them really. 
anyway's jake grew up, he left australia to seek his own life in london and he made it work for him. 
i remember when you moved it to that small room, the mattress curled up at either end the room was so tiny. you stuck it out and then he found an internship, and you sweated it out to get better positions in different companies and you made it work. and now you come visit home a man. 
your journey is always unveiling itself, it's similar to mine and vastly different, but it's yours, and that makes you find out who you are and where your place is in this world, and eventually the universe. the best outcome is to relax about everything and just trust. it really is about letting go, something very profound in that concept. when they talk about being in the moment what they really mean is letting go of the last one. i know whatever the future holds for you it will be good. you are always welcome here if you want to escape anything, no questions, no agenda, just come chill out with your old man, read, play chess and be in the moment.
i'd be so happy to have you stay here.
london is good when your young and need something to stimulate your but it's a big fucking city that eats you up and spits you out, history's dark energy swirls around like an oroboros. it will eventually eat itself, you can see it now, it's been failing for years, the decline of the west. london has a karmic debt, it cashing in it's chips now. 
the beauty of australia is it has surf, that's it chaos, a swirling pure energy made from hydrogen and water, it has inherent power that can feed all life if you know how to be nourished. there's no agenda there, it loves and kills, it nourishes or depletes, it is the universe and it's all about the observer. 
gradually as i built my relationship with the surf i realise how alike it is to my relationship with you. it's respectful, honest and powerful built upon a strong foundation of love. 
sometimes we catch a wave for one another, sometimes it's still and we just bob up and down waiting happily, doing our thing. quality over quantity is the name of that game. everyday i go out there hoping to catch a wave, often there is nothing but when one comes along it sustains me. 
you are my wave jake. the one i surfed and still surf with, it's been the best ride ever. the best. i'd wipe out for a wave like you anytime.


Tuesday, December 18, 2018

big wave, massive swell, it's powerful stuff this morning as i find myself enjoying another session in the water. 40 minites of high quality quantum yoga, man i'm generating a field like a new god. pushing the boundary, pushing myself, gotta remain alive, healthy and vital. restorative powers regeneration, a new being. a new me.
some bar somewhere where people celebrate something they are to drunk to know. girls are falling down all over the place, guys display their tattoo's around a pool table. the bar staff all look like gnomes, shaved heads and long beards. a girl plays a guitar, her voice whines away like modern women. i clap when she plays a tune i like, gotta support music right?
i'm watching a beautiful woman in a short dress eating a selection of cheeses, she's drinking a sparkling blue drink made from vodka, flirting with her girlfriend who strokes her hair.
i make them laugh with a story and sip a sparkling water with lime floating on the top.
it's good to get out the house and actually do something social. i gotta refine my skills, when i am good i am good, when i am bad, blah!

Saturday, December 15, 2018

energy transforms is not diminished.
nature likes spirals
geometry is constant amidst the change
vortex spirals are everywhere and can be controlled.

centrapedence - often represented by arch angel micheal 'keeper of the watch' or 'guardian' the one who serves behind the throne. 
he is biological improvement, creation a high vibrational field that ripple out, light, colour, sound and then physical matter. there is no friction in this force. it benefits life.

centrafugence - biological deterioation, a scattering force, slowed by natural courses. 

gabriel - 'god is my strength' infinite surface area but finite volume, a connecting between finite and infinite is when the horn is sounded, the horn being another geometric shape.

uriel is 'the light of god' prepares the way for the unfolding of the light of god within every soul. the flame of god.
this quality creates and opens black holes, travelling through when a great mass of photons is released, i.e. death.

raphael- stirring the water at the healing pool. 
invisible vortex, influence the body, spirit. water is 70% of us. thus water energies are healing as raphael is the healing force. 
geometrically this is represented by quantum tunnelling.  

Thursday, December 13, 2018

i'm surfed out. it's the most satisfying feeling in the world, the sun, water and air cruise through your bones and radiate a vibration of love. and so it began. 

contact from the beautiful trina whom i have known for a long time now. she is a beautiful witch. we are different but it always works. i'm happy she contacted me, for the most unselfish reasons. that's love right?
secondly my english friends, tez and jean reached out to me after months and months of silence. i guess it was just circumstance, it's true i could have handled it better but it was honest and our friendship can only get better. anyways, it was great despite the technology involved, i hope to skype with them soon as i am able. but we put behind us a wound, and commenced some healing, that's love. right?
and thirdly my old friend in the suburbs caroline whom has reconnected with me after many many years. i can't wait to see her again. the stories we will share. 
val and olga and a whacky xmas together i'm sure. two grinches and elf. it will be nuts.
stick who rang in today, a new friend but a great one. i'm grateful for all these people. wilde, stone, everyone who has helped me along  the way. 

i'm looking forwards, that's healthy and hopeful. i must admit i have not had that for a while. it's been grim out there, for everyone. it's not real but it does have implications upon me that is overwhelmingly negative but i have to ground myself in it as it is war. 
a battle has been declared, it started long ago and it's coming back for us. i wish i could escape it but i can't it's coming for me and what i know to be true. i have seen it in the background all my life, the march of unreason, envy, hate, fear and ignorance. it's soldiers out number me, it's weapons are lies and disinformation. it's my o'brien and i will never answer 5 to it.
so a little love goes a long way. i want to love my enemies, those that will hate me. i've found it's power. 
it's not a weak religious force, it's a message of authority and power. 
i don't want to mislead anyone, it is not easy and i fail sometimes but with these four people around, i am feeling positive.

Thursday, December 06, 2018

early morning waves crashing, splattering the body of a tired and worn out captain mission, the holy echo of neptune whispers in his ears and slides through his atoms. water is in everything is it not, pulled by lunar forces, astrological impulsions resonate through life itself, and water is the conduit. 
i'm surfing through anger, anger at the stupid dumb girl who has constantly intruded upon my zen, the idiot stalker, the sender of a billion photographs of breakfast lunch and dinner, the random snippets of her mundane thoughts constantly and the useless information she carries about serial killers and such. my head throbs from boredom, frustration and the way it infiltrates me. i have to put a ban on her contacting me. for sanity sake.
the surf shakes my bones, a big mother fucking wave crashes down upon my soul. i can deal with big waves but dumb blondes?