Sunday, August 14, 2022

 all week i have been procrastinating about my one single task, to clear out my garage. it's been there waiting for me for the last two weeks but i have constantly come up with various excuses to myself. 
it's raining, it's to dark, its full of spiders and snakes, not enough time, after lunch, after work, after checking e mails, after reading, an endless array of pathetic excuses. well this morning i awoke to a beautiful day and considered my responsibility. i did my laundry, had a coffee and then threw myself into the task.
3 hours non stop, heads down mindless sorting out the good the bad and the ugly it's done. i was ruthless, threw out a lot of sentimental stuff but discovered some interesting items, a deck of divination cards i designed years ago, a strange deck indeed as the goal is to discover the question not the answer. it's quite unique and sophisticated and surprisingly accurate. i also discovered some old photographs of jake, a marriage cert and some photo's of my travels through foreign lands. i found occult notebooks, out of print rare novels and some strange artefacts from previous lives. i basically ended u throwing most things out, one thing i did find was the battery charger i was looking for that powers my garden tools. now i'm going to catch some sun and chill out, i feel like i deserve it.

33 years after the fatwa, some lunatic gets rushdie in new york with a knife, all because he wrote a fiction book some religious nutcase didn't like. stone age mentality ruled back then and it's even worse now as we slide into quasi intellectual contextualisation of stone age ideas dressed up with new terminology,  the abuse of children, the forced medication of society, the polarisation between left and right, the isms, the weaponisation of the institutions, the dumbing down of education, the rise of mediocracy and blandness, the war against the individual. the rushdie was a landmark in my life, i left europe hoping to find a more libertarian society back then and for a few decades i did, australia was the promised land. but slowly it crept in, the rise of socialism, cultural marxism, the hypocrisy of the green economy, the big govt. surveillance, the war against their own people, it all infiltrated paradise. those moronic united nations, the corrupt who, the manipulative world economic forum, our masters want your money, they want your body and now your soul. 
the rushdie affair was a huge turning point in my life as it should be for anyone who values the pursuit of freedom. all i can think about today is the end of the west. i've come full cycle.


Wednesday, August 10, 2022

my joint has burnt out low, i'm sitting in a strange capsule of light, empty sensations of pre birth and death, maybe a slight breeze. some people know many words to describe different types of winds, trade winds, westerlies, polar, monsoon, land and sea winds, mountain and valley winds and various local winds, then there's derivatives. i imagine cultures would have even more intricate descriptions and names for various winds just like the ice cultures have 50 words for snow, and the sanskrit cultures have hundreds of words for consciousness. 
i'm stoned, in the breeze. 
listening to some weird sounds from the late 70's, it's side two of heroes with it's bleak kind of mourning wail sandwiched between two funky tunes. i like emotive music, almost shamanic in some sort of western tradition of dereliction of duty to a good history, post war blues. the aftermath on a psychological level, as it drifts through culture, loss, dejection, rubble and shame. it's rare that music can capture a tragedy, it's audacious to put it between two dance tracks. 
a big day looms, date with a beautiful witch, although neither one of us has actually called it a date. maybe it's just lunch i don't know but i'm excited and looking forwards to seeing her. i can't write much about her as she's just popped into existence in captain mission's universe but she has always been out there, hovering in deep darkest peru, drinking ayahuscia and learning her craft. born in arnhem land, with viking heritage. she looks like a warrior, has the eyes of a wolf, she's got the face of a queen and the mind of an octopus. i connected straight away, we share so many things and yet she is so very different. i imagine our paths have crossed before, i feel it but i can't work out how yet, some deep past life stuff going on there. 
anyway, hornsby is not the most romantic spot and to be honest i would have preferred the city or terrigal but i have to adapt to the situation. 
i hual ass down the freeway, i'm tuning into radio tnt which i have to say is a 24 hours radio station i like, it smashes through all known bullshit and has interesting guests. i don't nessesserlily agree with everything but i like they present a different perspective, and one i am aligned to these days. makes me feel a bit saner that i know there are other people out there who know exactly what's going on and are not beguiled by the mediocracy of fluffy trends that are as much virtue signalling as they are theft. anyways, i move down the freeway cutting it close to the deadline, parking as usual a challenge but my pixie parking assistant gets me a prime spot where i literally walk to the rendezvous point dead on time. 
an arm reaches out, a hug and we are away.
ah thoth priestess and danu, her wolf like aura brings light to an otherwise dreary day. 

Wednesday, August 03, 2022

halfway through the magnificent series stephen donaldson has written after crossing from fantasy into science fiction the man writes something as magnificent as anything banks, reynolds, hamilton or any contemporary writer has produced. it really is brutal, the characters are so well written, you start by loving them and then hating them or vice versa, the universe he creates is rich and the story has pace. i'm really enjoying the quality or detail, the style and the personalities. it's the ring cycle, set in space. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

dinner with nic but i'm fading fast, she's back from melbourne and talking stuff that i can't quite seem to grasp, it's politics, personalities and people and all i want to do is sleep but they bring us delicious food and i struggle to find the energy to speak as i cram some plum sauce down me.  i'm tired and need to sleep, late nights and strange days, burning candles at both ends i am beginning to fade out. we end up in the big bottle shop discussing our drinking preferences, she's more wine and whiskey whereas i personally prefer something more exotic. i end up with some high quality  rum from trinidad, the captains winter drink. 

we move into calm waters, i hang out down the beach at dawn, listening to wave forms breaking from fractal structures, the immense ocean calm at my feet. the sky pristine and clear, the tranquility blue washes through my hair, now long and shoulder length, my amnesiac past long put to rest in these moments of pure joy. i wander along, smiling at the random collection of girls who pass me by, heading towards my coffee shop, the surfer one where the surfer boys hang out brown skinned and filled with talk about trips overseas, exploring waves and riding big ones. 

later i pop in at buddha cafe to talk plants with some moon type girl, we discuss the wonders of the moon plants, she has a nice face, a moon in itself. 

back home i do some pottering around in the garden, i'm blasting kilbey and kennedy, 'glow and fade' an album that seemed to have passed me by. it's catch up time as i play it endlessly on repeat. magnificent vast sound. all i have to do is clear out my garage, lots of junk, lots of lost stuff that needs finding, maybe today, maybe another day.

in combination
two or more forces unite
synergy and collaboration 
deep connection, new networks
spiral in
spiral out
new sensations 
pentangles entangled
vast halo
entropy reversed

in fusion
potent vibration 
not noise
the centre will hold
vortex in
vortex out
intuitive and clear
the message is the medium
prophecy foretold
the electron is one

Monday, July 25, 2022


well what ya know, a jo calls me up. it's bizzare as i just popped in my car and attempted to call her via blutooth and my car gave me an option of three different jo's. my phone actually has just under ten various jo's but the car always gives me three choices and this time all three were incorrect jo's. so almost instantly i get a text message from the jo i am attempting to call and i don't even bother to read it, i just hit the green ring button. it's witchcraft at its best. we chat until the midnight hour, five hours of finding out what we need to. it's a great conversation and now i am looking forwards to reconnecting with her sometime soon. 
my time is somewhat scarce as i am involved in a number of things with various people, and despite having days off i have them filled but i figure i'll drop whatever i am doing and spend the day/ night getting familiar with this extraodianare woman.
i find it hard to sleep, energy overload so i am awake at dawn, down at the beach watching the sunrise. i grab a coffee and exchange a few friendly words with some random people, suddenly people wanna know me. it's so weird how that happens. i walk to a deserted spot and sit down with my book, it's the second novel in the 'gap sequence' by stephen donaldson, his foray into sci- fi after writing the incredible fantasy series, 'the chronicals of thomas covennat'.
i never read the chornicles but if they are anything as good as the gap sequence i will read them. the first novel is the set up, introducing the three main charachters and the backdrop of space they are in. it's really good, well written and brutal as fuck which was so unexpected. the second novel takes the story further and deeper and introduces s to an alien species. these are really great novels, the quality of writing is fantastic and impressive but it's the story that pumps alnong. i'm really enjoying them. i plough through four chapters before my morning appointment and then head down the highway to work. it's a beautiful day. the soundtrack is groove armarda, it follows me around like a warm breeze.

Thursday, July 21, 2022

in the twilight hours i kicked back with my hash and frangelli- go go drink i've taken to, it's an old monsastic liqueur made by monks when they went all nuts. the recipe was passed down to me by a wayward vixen whose lineage goes back to the very area where these monks inhabited. they were cut off from the world in their shrine built high in mountain areas, no one could access the castle without a dangerous climb and once ascended there was no return. 

anyways i cracked open a bottle from the cellars. poured it into a frozen glass with some soda lime and kicked back to listen to some groove armada and watch some netflix, later i cranked up the skype- o- matic and chatted to tez and jean who were beaming in from their spaceship. we had a good laugh but i started to get cold and needed to find my own sanctuary. the ice weather is something i can't deal with, it really freaks me out.  

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

dense bass throb of the space engine as we hurdle through time and space, another instalment in the strange adventures of captain mission. you don't have to hold tight but it's advisable, many have gone spiralling out of control at the total weirdness and strangeness i exist within.  yes there have been casualties.  often the spiritually weak, the glamor agents, the egocentric and the stagnated neural network inside that refuses to embrace the chaos of the simulation generator. 
old captain mission now stripped down to lean, mean fighting and loving machine sets the controls for the art of the sun and the heart of the moon. carrying with him the asto-body of lost civilizations, ancient knowledge, forbidden arts,  a momintroll coffee mug and an endless supply of organic high grade weed, planet earths greatest undervalued resource.  
i'm moving fast these days, zipping and zagging (i like zagging) like a sliver surfer riding the cosmic waves and embracing power cosmic. yeah get out the way, climb on board or get of my cloud. 
that throb is the greatest sound in the universe, it's so hard to find, it's often found in steve kilbeys base, sometimes in the breaking waves at the ocean and sometimes you can catch it in the nightscapes but captain mission is in tune, switched all the way up like a mecaline god, riding the face of explosion, the face of the big bang. hang on, it's a wild ride, all the way, from the middle to the edges, there are no limits anymore. it's just bliss. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

these are my micro dosing days, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, sometimes less is more, right?

i'm moving in a new direction, more sociable, more extraverted, carrying my enigma like a californian state trooper rides his bike, running with the werewolves, a gothic poet with an paradox attitude, a little roll and less rock, a mighty sumatran tiger showing his teeth while purring like a cat, i'm el hombre visible, a beatnik in wonderland. how you spell new york mission?
'with a knife, a fork, a bottle and cork, that's the way you spell new york, right on.
man o man i gotta be on the run cos i gotta meet that setting sun.'

Monday, July 18, 2022

soon more work will commence at mission control, more construction as my garage is transformed. it may take a while but slowly i will have all the space i require. i speak to the afghan builders who are excited about the project, i explain my design. a huge clearence and clean out, removal of unwanted junk, new wooden flooring, a big glass sliding door, new windows, new walls and ceiling with flush led lighting, a massive wall of shelving and one of bookcases, complete waterproofing and a small storage area for my garden tools and car accessories. 
start as soon as it stops raining is the plan, we need a dry area. things will get very messy. my concern is access as parking will become tricky.
my front garden will be transformed, already my fishpond is now completely landscaped and most of the surrounding vegitation has been cleared away, giving exposure to the whole pond. it's a huge make over and long overdue. i'm so motivated now, nothing can stop me.

Friday, July 15, 2022

i'm encircled by jo's, lots of them, all witches, closing in, or out. it's hard to tell sometimes, they move on strange currents and it's hard to keep up with diserning one from the other, it could be a coven of jo's all beguling me, bewildering me with soft female witchy type ways, enchanting the only man left standing. 
they come in all sorts of various guises, all the same woman, all the same name at a root connection. jo.
the jo jujju does its stuff, i'm in a haze of soft feminine power, although some has a harder edge. my sence of disipline weakens. 

i assess my position in time and space, full moon, a huge great big one, the big one is immenent, i'm manifesting a coven where i really only want one. i met her a few nights ago and she is my favorite witch, soft yet strong, immaculate face of nordic beauty, eyes like a wolf, teeth like cold perfect glaciers. the air that breezes out from her mouth is cool and pristine. i don't know how that happens, but it happens. a meeting of minds, she has an impressive one. she's my witch, intuition knows best, but am i her wizard. things start promising and fade out fast.

and what seems like years was days, what could have been a lifetime passes like an eon, but they remain. no longer on pheripheries but closer, more powerful and things then get surreal when an old friend from switzerland now living in new zealand contacts me after 25 years and proclaims she is a witch. more about her later, but there's only one jo for me and she disappaites into the ether, a shadow amongst shadows. 'but you are my favourite witch,' i cry to the radient full moon, and then i remember magick and love, so i must wait for love in the magickal realms, wait for love to find me. wait for my favourite witch.

Saturday, July 09, 2022

drive towards the past, i'm in cruise control as the day turns to evening shades of crimson, a sinking sun glowing out, proclomation of better times. i feel good, in harmony, i feel positive and alive. there's nothing on the radio, no talking heads, speaking tonuges, no speech decay, no distraction except life. all is good i think as i turn of the freeway hand head towards the water. by the time i arrive it's dark, and slightly cold. i have a fur lined jumper to keep me warm as i park my car a few meters away from the house.
it's been almost a year since i saw her, and the invte to her 40th was a pleasant surprise. i knew she would be surprised by the fact i turned up.these days it's rare for me to venture out just to socialise. the last thing i seek is a party. 
as i walk in the door i'm greeted by two gilrs, jo and jodie. both really lovely. immediatly i feel happy as we sit and discuss how we know mutual friends. the old friends are there, the avalon cats. of course we all moved away now and this type of reunion is almost impossible but here it is, getting more and more stranger as the night progresses.
jo is a witch, a pagan, a woman with an aborigional history on one side and viking on the other. she wears some incredible tattoos, really sexy and unique. jodie is similar, not a witch but great company and has that mischivious glint in her eye. i know we are going to be friends. suddenly a caterer arrives and the food starts to appear, it's incredible and showcased in an elaborate display of art house presentation.
a girl from brazil tells me about the time her and her girlfriend saw prince live. they had both dropped acid and were wearing feathers. obvioulsy dancing their asses off but in melboune they had a seating only policy and soon found themselves surrounded by police and security. the girls were nervous about getting ejected and or being found with vast quantities of drugs and under the influence. they were marched out.
but they were then taken into a section of the venue right down the front and allowed to enter. it was a closed of area where no one could access but they were allowed to, right under prince at the very front of the stage. they danced hard, and were invited to the infamous after show, where prince plays another three hours with his band in a tiny club. i tell her that's a brilliant story and i would wear feathers and drop acid to see prince, we laugh. yeah it's that kind of party, most people are on drugs anyway, me i'm totally straight. a cocktail maker appears, he's making expresso martinis and i have one, it's amazing. just what i need. the music kicks in, funky and punky, from issac hayes to pil. i'm digging it all.
jodie and i make a pact, we will meet up later when everyone has gone and make tea, eat the leftovers and watch stranger things. jo the witch is telling me about her ayahuscia experinces in the puruvian jungle. she knows her stuff, she is the real deal. we talk a little about past lives, and make a pact to catch up when she comes up the coast. 
then ziggy arrives, he's looking great, i have known him for many years since he was a skool kid. i was very good friends with his mum. madame lash. who as chance would have it arrives soon after.
lash and i go back a long way and she literally beams out when she sees me.
i fetch her some food and a drink and sit down for a catch up chat, what, it's been 10 years at least!
we talk about drugs, 5d painting, when we ran the transdimentional political party, when we knew firebrace, she tells me his son is now a massive pop star. we talk about the kirk, we talk hellfire, we talk about some of the wildest parties ever, we talk about painting, writing and books. it's fantastic.
minty and her husband pat join us, minty and i share some wild times and it's really good to see her.
later when i leave she says, 'hey, i love you.'
and the birthday girl, in the naughty corner, everyones high on something, i look at the night, the cold is slightly refreshing. for the first time in years, the warmth of people feels good, everyone in the room shares a uncommon commection, we know one another or we know of one another.
at about 3am i say my goodbyes, there's a lot of hugging, emotional goodbyes. i drive back cutting through the soft night with it's clear skies, the stars guide me all the way home. it's beautiful.

Thursday, July 07, 2022

biblical rain and floods, dark clouds and dampness everywhere, it could be amsterdam or london in winter, it's so cold and miserable nowhere is safe from a waterlogged future. i take the boat across the river at the back of my garden, the watermark has never been so high. the opaque surface reveals nothing, occasionally i hear a splash or see bubbles break the surface. 
it's pummelling down, wind howling and the elemental spirit of an ancient air spirit angered to reek havoc upon the small town. 
the motor makes a thumping sound, vision is not good as heavy rain falls and filters everything. 
under the bridge there is a moments respite. 
and then mysteriously as i emerge from the protection of the bridge, sunshine. 
i am in a different day.

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

what's happened to me?
work has lost it's meaning. i literally resent my time there now. the company is just a nasty awful manager heavy sleek money machine that operates from plush glass hi tech offices on the northern beaches and lets it's clients live in leaking old homes that fall apart. there is no joy left in my work, just endless communication issues as various african, indian middle eastern people struggle with basic english. the simplest thing now takes half a day, because communication skills are deficit.  it's an awful feeling watching an industry you are passionate about turn into the blandest institutionalised service that basically pretends it's cutting edge. 
anyway fortunately work is no longer my life. i don't have to spend much time there anymore. lets say it pays the mortgage. 
recently i feel 'her' my twin, it's intense and awful as sometimes i want to pick up the phone and say hello, but to do that would just be far to pointless, a woman who is so vain and sociopathic will lead to no joy or peace, just the dumb drama she creates.
i fight the urge and end up meeting some friends in the city, we wander through our fave spots, i end up in a polish tee shirt shop buying a really hp lovecraft inspired design, and my friend buys a dragon. later i realise how expensive the items were but i guess the design is exceptional and i do need new tee shirts.
the shop specialises in tattoo artists from poland who design for tee shirts but only very limited editions so there are only about 100 printed. the quality is excellent although i have to cut the sleeves off.
i end up in spice alley, it's amazing, vibrant and colourful, filled to the brim with people and the smell of street food is almost a meal itself. i love this place as we weave through the restaurants and colours, as we split up to find our sources, wow eating should be an experience. i like asian culture, it feels natural to me, the food is energy dense, the steam, heat, the colour and freshness. everyone looks happy, it's an orgy of food. 


Thursday, June 23, 2022

since my return it has been hectic, but in a good productive sort of way. i've achieved a few things around the house, set the garden furniture up so i can now enjoy an al fresco breakfast and write from the luxury of my new outdoor office space, perfecto. 
secondly my garden has been hacked back, the jungle now trimmed down to a minimum, encouraging growth for spring. it looks amazing, and i am also prepping the indoor plants for spring planting, new pots, new plants. if i can just find a good self watering system!
i've thrown out a hell of a lot of stuff, papers and junk i kept on to, it feels much more lighter inside, the books are a problem but as soon as i can adapt the space in the garage i will have storage space, another room. 
yesterday i helped tina move house, she's up from melbourne and needed a hand, so in my enthusiasm i offered. i almost regretted it as it was extremely physical but i enjoyed the exercise and met her new employers who are setting up an organic spice warehouse. they were amazing, and i now have a great organic spice contact. tina drove me home at about 11pm so i was well fucked.
the mornings i spend walking up to the lookout, it's a punishing walk and i'm usually outta breathe at the peak but the view is magnificent and the whales are swimming north. you can see them, it's wonderful. by then the sun had risen and i'm ready for my coffee. 
slowly i get there, step at a time, my new life looks brilliant.

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

i spend a few days reacclimatising, it's so cold at night i'm in bed early and wake up at dawn.  the birds are there to greet me, it's a good time for me to check e mails, make coffee and put some laundry on. i've had so much to do around the house, gardening, de-cluttering and generally getting rid of a lot of junk i no longer need. i'm highly motivated at the moment, i even do my work outs and stretching. i tend to walk around the block, looking at the wonderful gardens, down by the little river at the back of my house. i'm reading a bit, finished alastair reynolds, 'inhibitor phase' just before i left the uk, and now i am enjoying, 'how to kill your family,' a very well written english novel by a lady called, bella mackie.

inhibitor pahse continues where absolution gap left us, although it is a stand alone novel it makes sense to read the sequence in order. this is the best sci fi writer around in my opinion so i loved it, but want more. no one writes science fiction like alastair. 

'kill' is a very dark, funny and cleverly written story, filled with wry observations and a relentless plot that keep you on your toes, it's perfect for an airplane journey. i really loved the main character, she is the perfect anti hero, i just hope she makes it. i'm halfway through and try to read a chunk each day.

Sunday, June 12, 2022

i'm a lucky guy to have a son like jake, i tell you he's a unique and brilliant man. i look at him and i see his intelligence,  his humanity, his genius at understanding people, his creativity and business acumen but most of all i see a  human being that gives me hope. 
it's always hard spending time with him, being a hard working guy his time is precious but he always makes it for me, and the effort he made was magnificent, as my family is not without it's weird dynamics and difficult individuals,  jake has to negotiate all off us, like handling nitro glycerine is parts. this time everything was complicated when mum, dad and myself ended up with covid. i recovered very quick, i slept for 4 days and nights and basically my regime of vitamin d, c and zink meant my immune system was fully prepared to defend me. it turned out my father had been infected for 10 days previous, plus he had caught another strain previously that no one knew about, it was fortunate in someways he was rushed to hospital after a nasty fall, the medics discovered his heart was failing and he required a pacemaker but while in the ward they also discovered his covid infections through blood work. the hospital experience was difficult, dad tried several times to leave, he woke up from deep sleeps confused mixing up dreams with reality, at times he thought he was in a really bad hotel. he asked me several times for money so he could get a cab home, he was quite funny and somewhat sad. after two weeks of hospitalisation i reached my final day and had to leave, thinking he would be discharged i went to pick him up only to find that the hospital required him for another 24 hours so i would have to say goodbye while he was in his hospital bed. he asked if i could stay, offered to pay but i couldn't. i made it to the airport only to be stopped from boarding, as usual my new entry visa was an issue. i had applied for it a week earlier as i needed to renew it. it was approved and fortunately i printed out a hard copy. as at the check-in there was a problem. an hour later and some international phone calls to australia, i was permitted to board. the flight was the long haul but i slept most of the way and landed in sydney at 5am, only to arrive back home at midday.
it was a gorgeous morning,  the wonderful city was enriched by vivid colour and golden light, and when i got home after a shower i went shopping for groceries. it was good to be home, a new appreciation for australia after the dismal grey atmosphere of london, the strange complex dynamics within my family, but man, i miss jake and my dad, more than ever.

Sunday, June 05, 2022

jake and i in london, the trains are packed and the streets crowded with people, flags and banners everywhere. it's quite amazing. apparently the queen is having a party, there's a few big bands and famous types playing, duran duran, nile rodgers, elton john, rod stewart, some big names i have never heard of. it's alicia keys that steals the show, she is just amazing.
we head for govinda's for hare krishna food. wonderful, you can't really go wrong with that. i remember when jake was a kid we would often go to the temple for lunch. he would have a set of bongos he would play in the back of the car while i would ad lib some words. 
if i was ever dating someone i'd always take em to the cinema upstairs, i saw so many films there but inevitably after such a lovely diner i would fall asleep halfway through the film, those massive comfy cushions didn't help. 

Friday, May 27, 2022

a family dinner, it's a gorgeous english spring day, in a beautiful modern suburban home in some part of unfamiliar london. my cousin stephanie has impeccable tastes and her designers eye is impressive. 
it's great to see everyone, a warm friendly vibe over a lovely lunch, kids run around playing soccer aunts laughing, cousins swapping stories about our grandparents. my dad sits quietly in an armchair half present, half asleep, deaf to the world in his last bit of defiance, refusal to wear a hearing aid. (mind you if i was married to my mum i would)
it's sad that this is not my life, the english part i relinquished nearly 40 years ago. but then my son replaced me, and he is very much part of everyone's life here.
i drive them back and as soon as i walk into the apartment i feel sick.
so does my dad.
i sleep for four days and nights, waking for a couple of showers and change of sheets, i sweat heaps and i shiver a bit, but mostly i sleep. one day i spend coughing. on the fourth morning i join mum and dad for breakfast, i'm feeling better but not prefect. my dad on the other hand is having trouble, as months of laying down have atrophied his muscles thus the simplest movements around the apartment require assistance. eventually the inevitable happens and he falls. i have to pull him up onto his bed and assist him move his legs up as he has no strength to do this independently. 
the following morning i am awoken by my mother, she is alerting me the ambulance is on it's way. 
the medics take dad away. about an hour later i discover i have covid. i feel great now, but i got the double lines. so does my mum and in a few hours i hear my dad has it as well. later we discover dad has had it for 10 days.
anyways that's the way it is. my brother in his conditioned conformity and obedience tells me i should stay in my room for 5 days, as that's what he did. i tell him i just did and the rest of the people who live in the house are infected as well but i may as well be talking to a tomato.
the next few hours are tense, the usual shit dynamics, things in the house border on insanity and once again it's all about a total inability to communicate. that's where i come from and what i escaped. a family that cannot communicate. i wonder about it and suddenly feel the perspective i need. i wonder if my son after years of living here in this environment has also damaged his ability to communicate. maybe the whole solution to all global issues is communication. my mind expands outwards, the massive fractures in the world exist because of one side unwilling to communicate to the other. all sides want to do is talk. no one fucking listens.

Saturday, May 21, 2022

i took the train in the post rain, a trip through the southside, i saw factories and housing estates, shopping malls strewn across the suburbs and concrete parks spilling over with electric cars the size of matchboxes. i looked at the grey skies turn blue as we cut through old englands country side, men and women shuffled on and disembarked at each stop, and the rattle and hum of the train, the soft rocking of the carriage sent me into a deep sleep. when i awoke i found the landscape dramatically shifted, as if travelling through medieval times, there was slow drinking ale on tap at every little pub, time ceased and the micro climate seemed much more friendlier in olde sussex county, as the train pulled in at my destination.       

tez and jean whom are there to meet me at the station. we don't need to do anything, it's great just to hang out with them and talk until we can't keep our eyes open. two switched on cats, tez is a bit of a humble genius. he has incredible knowledge and is matched equally by his sitar playing partner. we talk about everything under the sun, but the grim shadow of covid hangs heavy in the air and we always gravitate towards it. jean asks, 'what did we talk about before covid?'
it's a good question. 
like australia the uk was hit hard, easy to see on the people of england. it's like a tiredness, a weariness as they take a moments break for what next?
tez tells stories about the east end where we were born, about the gangsters in our neighborhood, we chat about politics, spirituality, control,power, geography. it's epic. we visit brighton and i check out the lanes again, the weed shop, the bookshop a few pubs, one is very authentic, the kind of place we knew as teenagers, and it's got a beautiful atmosphere. we decide to have lunch there, a magnificent menu. i have a very strong negroni. it's good to be in the company of friends, my friends. i wish i was able to stay longer, i could see myself living in brighton. i must admit the windfarm on the coast looks awful, a frightening future awaits. terry tells me the royal family get paid as the sea that far out belongs to the crown. that would be right.
it is with a heavy heart i return a few days later, back to london.  

Monday, May 16, 2022

in contrast from yesterday slight rain falls through the afternoon, bleak clouds overhead and we are indoors, lazing around. i have managed to pick up a copy of alister reynolds new revelation space novel, 'inhibitor phase;' the fifth novel set in the revelation space time line, it's my fave contemporary sci-fi sequence  so i am happy to read. 
i try to spend a bit of time with my father but he exhausts easy and has great difficulty being mobile, hearing is also a huge problem hence everyone shouts and that really is something i find difficult to deal with but i understand why. my dad is 93, he's still sharp but jaded and his intellect is frayed, although he still possesses an engineers mind, it's the focus of his concentration that is damaged, unable to pay attention for to long to any one thing, however if i give him some challenge he will do his best to solve it, maybe it's 'purpose' that he needs. i see that as a huge issue around aging, loss of purpose. our society aging is just waiting around to transform back to spirit, it's almost like a slow phase of shutting down. i see elements of this in dad, a reversion to an almost youthful innocence. 
fortunately i personally have a healthy attitude towards death, in the scene i have had so many i am familiar with it's process but i don't want to loose the people i love, their loss in this realm is my own.
one has to adopt a cosmic perspective lest be overwhelmed. i tell jake i think i will take control of my aging, and my exit from the physical. he's so lovely he wants to look after me when i am older but i say i will remain independent until i can't and then i will take my leave. i may need him to administer the shot. irony huh?

Sunday, May 15, 2022

took a long walk with jake along the river, from hamstead heath where he lives to kings cross. it was quite amazing to see how vibrant and alive the city was, a beautiful spring / summer day, suddenly the englishness of everything stops being angular and begins to curve, taking on a softer pastoral glamour. the striking architecture along the river banks as you approach kings cross is magnificent, there are apartment buildings that are huge yet have a flow, a certain feng shui essential harmony clearly defined by the way sunlight plays such a considerable role. 
the other striking element is the way casual conversation is from a multitude of global points, in the space of a few minutes i hear, french, spanish, american, scandinavian, chinese  and arabic, and it's really intermittently i hear an english accent. london has become a global city, not british but part of the planet, i like that. jake and i walk along into the hive of the cross, st. martins art school flourishes and opposite a line of barges functioning as businesses operate. everyone is smoking, everyone is drinking, i ask jake about this and he says there are no laws about drinking, no times, no restrictions. in fact in the space of our walk he buys two beers. we stop in a pub for a beautiful and very strong cocktail and halloumi chips with pomegranates, the price is about £30 which translates as AU$55. 
we discuss political trends, environmentalism and the need for revolution. while i agree with him on most points i can see how his thinking is shaped by the dichotomy of right vs left, which i claim as an illusion. it stands that if right is wrong, left must be good but very few people can think through to the ultimate truth both are exactly the same in the current world. jake makes the mistake of thinking this is a capitalist society where i claim it is post capitalist, far removed from capitalism and closer to feudal technocracy, the left wing right wing is just an illusion of choice. 
we speak about growing up in school, our respective countries, him australia me england. we share a few similar experiences both outsiders. we work out that we and my mum and dad did not stay in the countries we were born. it's an interesting fact. 
the cocktails are kicking in, i'm feeling quite drunk, again.
it's been a beautiful day.
later we take my mum out for fish and chips.


Saturday, May 14, 2022

back in london where the streets have no point, 
the graffiti spray truth at war. 
politicians lies marching in through the out door. 
there's slaughter in the air, corruption in the wind, 
the violence inside you
casually surfacing. 
underneath friendly smiles, everyone is jaded or broke
and the only things that matter are the
shrieks of the woke.

yes back in the city, my home town, the place that spawned me, chewed me up and spat me out london calling, london burning, london's tendrils corrupt the world, where money is laundered, where arms are bought and sold, where big business decides the fate of the world. the zieglist motto among them is 'we want a war and we want one now.'
the pubs are packed with people who all share concealed trauma, smoking endless cigarettes and drinking pints until they can't talk sense and then as they re-acclimatize to surfdom and fall out the doorway to cotton infancy dreams only to return to work tomorrow and do it all again. working for the man, working for the pound, working for britain, working for her majesty, working for the tragedy of an empire that appears to have failed but is really expanding, more powerful than ever, more occluded in it's agendas than ever, harder to fathom unless you understand the ambitions of globalists. 
everyone here still thinks in terms of left / right so i can't see a way out for them. unless they shake of the ideology and invoke a framework of personal liberation. the zombie apocalypse has reached a new stage in it's evolution and unfortunately i am in the minority. it#s not i've seen the future and it's bloody, it's the present. it's not if you tolerate this then your children will be next, it's can you tolerate your children. 
on a lighter side, i'm enjoying hanging with family, catching up with my dad who is living his twilight years. he's frailer than ever and needs a lot of help, hearing gone, body weakened, mind loosing lucidity slightly. he clings to the established order of doctors no what they are doing, he takes so many medications and is completely dependent upon them to the point he won't take anything i offer in the way of alternatives or natural therapies. then there's my mother who withdrew £1000 and then immediately after threw it in a public dustbin outside the bank. he's me 30 mins later rummaging through the garbage bins among the old half eaten macdonalds burgers, old decomposed bits of food, soggy paper, cigarette butts and the rest of disparaged civilization. it's pouring with rain and notice this must seem like a very common occurrence in the high street as no one seems to care, notice or seem phased.
this has a happy ending as i do a bit of detective work and retrace mum's steps, like an antipodean dirk gently, i put together some random fragments and uncover mum never threw anything away, she just thinks she did. 
i do some book shopping in folyes, waterstones and watkins. i find a kenneth grant books i wanted but they are very expensive and i decide to let them go, not essential reading. i do pick up the new alister reynolds, 'inhibitor phase' which is something i can't wait to read.
i spend the evening at jakobs new place, a lovely spot overlooking hamstead heath, we chill out, he makes a nice dinner and have a few deep conversations, he's worked it all out.

downtown singapore, i find myself in the long bar at raffles drinking not singapore slings, but a stream of coffee negronis and munching an ever replenishing bowl of complementary peanuts, shells thrown upon the floor in tradition. it's quite simply the perfect environment for me, the 1920's plantation design, the weird parallel lines of ceiling fans, the piano jazz and the ability to swing, the clientele a mix of sophisticated exotic looking slim  wraith like women along side the more disheveled writer types, sporting crumpled linen jackets and wide beaten brimmed hats. the immediate thought is which one of these women holds the opium. 
i am sat on a round table directly underneath the classical wobbly fan, a malay woman in a tight black dress shimmy's over to join me. she asks where i am from.
'just in transit, on my way to europa.'
we exchange awkward pleasantries although i am filled with supreme confidence in this environment, i wish i could roll a spliff but singapore is a place where they frown severely upon that kind of activity and the only life sentence i want is stress free. that leaves a range of exotic cocktails to experience, and let me tell you the barmen are very generous with their serves. i wouldn't say i am drunk but i'm in an altered state of consciousness and it's becoming slightly surreal. 
we chat a little about malaysia and the east, she's some sort of rich daddy type daughter, basically shopping and pursuing the hedonistic lifestyle daddy's wealth allows, the good life although unfulfilling must have obvious benefits. suddenly i'm caught in a conflict, i mean who doesn't want to swan around on a luxury yacht port to port drinking cocktails and looking glamorous, surrounded by bikini clad nymphomaniacs. yep, that has a certain appeal.
i have to return from an internal fantasy as we talk about the famous writers that have all stayed here, after all i am on hallowed ground. 
joseph conrad, kipling and sommerset maugham spring to mind as fellow expats. my malay temptress has read kipling, whereas i have read conrad and dabbled in maugham. 
i'm very drunk, things are getting blurry, i have no idea what words are escaping my mouth, the colours are all so perfect, the atmosphere of a time period i remember i'd forgotten. i have been here before and now i am again. i fall on the floor, what happens next?    

Saturday, May 07, 2022

the universe displays truth through it's many mediums and here is an ultimate personal truth. i did enjoy the sequel to dr, strange,  everything about it reflects a reality i experienced with the twin flame, it's surreally uncanny.
the scarlet witch, dr. strange, madness, the multiverse, love, magick, the chase, it's all in there, wrapping up the end game in a way i couldn't. magnificent and beautifully terrifying. the BEM (old sci fi term) at the beginning is the best monster ever. 

Friday, April 29, 2022

 when i first travelled through new mexico i seemed to comprehend the energy here was something that made me feel home, it was difficult to process in an intellectual way as i was quite young but it was comfortable and for the first time i felt like i belonged to this geography. now new mexico is basically desert, and i'm a water man, but the whole feeling that washed over me was one of elevation in peace, body and being. i recall vividly driving into santa fe and loving the vibe, the strange creative output, the laid back harmony, the smell, the taste upon the end on my tongue. my whole self acclimatised immediately, as if i had spend a past life living there in the new mexican landscape. 
i felt the same energy on my travels in a few other places, remote and obscured but none the less, the exact effect was experienced. i relate those points as key energy centres, good places for creativity, magick and spiritual awakenings. 
this morning on my way back from the beach i tune in to a radio show running of a repeat conversation with shirly mclaine. now i know she was a hollywood person who started writing new age type books before anyone else, she was either ridiculed or applauded for her outspoken comments which nowadays are considered very passe, things like reincarnation etc. 
and here she is talking about her dogs and what they have taught her. i'm just about to turn it off when she mentions she lives in new mexico and reveals the state has a high concentration of crystals, which she believes changes consciousness of the people that live in that state. 
i can't say for certain but i am willing to believe she is correct. that place is a really different energy to others, it vibrates and changes people. i felt it. it felt really good but she warns that it can have adverse effects and on some people it can send them crazy. 
i have seem similar effects with people who suscribe to magnetic theory, so someone can be sent slightly crazy by magnets and think they are healed. this type of delusion is very common in spirituality and the new age philosophy. which is why most people should just shut up, keep discrete or silent about these things. if they really have something to say write a book, start a web page or promote their philosophy through a creative conduit rather than preach on street corners. you are the change, so you need to be careful right. thats what they say. personally i don't suscribe to new age thinking, more old age. the new age is just aquarian repackaged piscean knowledge, which in turn is based upon antiquity. it all came from a source, that is long buried and distorted. so all we do is clutch at what we think is truth. i'm sure the truth is much stranger, which is why i like hinduism, its a unbound imagination filled with possibilities and the idea that cosmic forces play out human events that we can never really understand or comprehend. its all imagination, everything so make it beautiful. make it radiate beauty. after all, that's what crystals do.  

Thursday, April 28, 2022

as usual i encounter vast stupidity in australian business and institutions, all part of a cultural revolution to put the dumbest people in senior positions, preferably those who are super compliant yes people for there is nothing worse than some one who challenges management. the trouble makers are usually intelligent independant thinkers who are confident and self motivated and as usual the fact i have high standards backfires. better to be a drone than show initiative in the dumbest country on earth. interestingly my brother who works in the corporate sector said the same thing during his five year stay in sydney. 

encounters with these people are literally part of life, very few outside the box thinkers can advance anywhere in this country unless they work for themselves, or they have a self determined philosophical ethic.

i go shopping, something i don't like, but i require some basics. everything is very expensive, where an item cost $1 it is now $3. they blame the war in ukraine and bad weather but i suspect its the amount of people who refused the vaccine and lost their jobs. something the media has avoided to mention. so i'm walking through the apocalyptic landscape, life in australia where you can break all the rules of democracy and lock your people up for little or no reason, force them to take experimental drugs yet still they love you. the slavery mentality, the stockholm syndrome,  mass formation psychosis, brainwashing or plain stupidity. it's all on display now, the zombie apocalypse is mainstream.

i wonder what william burroughs would have to say?

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

as she continues her attempts to hack my facebook account she must be getting awfully frustrated. 'i know what i know,' is her mantra, and yet she knows nothing lest why else attempt hacking me. its funny and sad. kinda pathetic but she never understood karma, she sees it as cause and effect but it's really just cause. the effect is not where it's at. anyway as i wander along the road i understand she is in my wake, another sad person on a strange trip to nowhere but causing grief for innocents, amber heard you are not alone. and you are exposed now for what you are.

i do recall in the early days giving you the most important piece of information which you promptly choose to forget due to your narcissistic requirements to bury anything that reveals you. it was the most simple equation, and i gave it for a reason i would remember in the future. but you forgot it in the past so as you could not remember it in the future. and thus you are undone.

Friday, April 22, 2022

fuck me, i'm getting fitter and healthier as my weight shreds away my mind sharper than a razor blade, i have power now. the internal type, this is good as i feel the energy flow through me like a tidal force. i'm in balance now, moon and sun. i prepare the way, many challenges, many obstacles, not much time to sort everything out as the clock is tocking olde captain mission is rolling and rocking. early morning, the first thing i ask, 'isn't it evening?'


here's the definitive, from the best historical esoteric researcher around, you think you know about egypt, you think you know about the bible, you think you know but the truth is always much stranger. it's not what you wanna know, it goes against your bias and conditioning. 

an excellent book well worth reading as churton explores the archeology and excavates the hidden antediluvian world from the depths of mystery, to the surface and into the light.


Wednesday, April 13, 2022

 i wake up and the first thought is buy a lottery ticket, which i didn't and regret, however i have a pile of lottery tickets i have not checked, these date back iterally 4 months so when i get a chance i have to check them. i did have a surprising day. on my way down to terrible beach someone rings me and insists on calling over and taking me out for fish and chips. this individual has asked a few times and i've been reluctant as time is limited and he had covid a few days ago and in the position i am in, can't chance it. plus it looks like a huge big rain cloud hanging low over the central coast.

despite my pleading this person forces themselves upon me, it's a battle of wills and in the end i give way. i dunno, i just run out of steam, i haven't slept, i am in pain and i have to start planning for an adventure.

i go down to terrible and grab breakfast, a few moments of peace as i take in jaz colemans book, it's so rich and interesting but it's epic and requires deep concentration.

then i have to head back to mission control and prepare the day. when they arrive we immediately go to the health food emporium down my street and investigate some products. this person likes supplements and takes a lot, so they stocked up, me i stick with my spirilina. i quite like the blue one, it's more feminine. then we go for the fish and chips, which i have to say are exceptional, even as we eat them down at terrible they are in a sort of bliss state and we actually have a laugh, and suddenly i realise i'm enjoying today. doing nothing. being no one. later we drive around cococabana and avoca as this person wants to buy up here, so we look at some houses. later i give them a little weed and we say goodbye. i do some domestics, watch shameless, eat some protien, skype with friends in brighton and much later take a magnisum bath and then thankfully sleep for 10 hours. the best sleep i have had in a while.

Thursday, April 07, 2022

almost finished riding the centipede, a homage to william burroughs in the form of a strange detective story as terrence blake attempts to escape the trauma of his past and alcohol present by solving missing people cases or in this story attempting to. the case has lasted three years and his employer jane teagarden is turing up the heat as she attempts to locate her brother marlon. but marlon is on a quest in the dark frontier, he's riding the centipede and each leg alters him slightly and gets him closer to the goal. and as marlon progresses psychopathic mutation rudolf chernobyl is tuning in and hot on his heels. all the characters are about to catch up with one another.
i am enjoying this book for a number of reasons, it's william burroughs territory, the characters are great, the pace perfect and the debauchery marlon has to endure is both perverse and creative as he passes through each leg, each trail, the algebra of need to get to the ultimate experience.

Wednesday, April 06, 2022

blah blah blah, like a regurgitating machine, endless drivel in and endless drivel out, harping on like a tormenting old crone, do you really think your last three years have anything to do with me, it's not my fault your life turned to shit after you treated me the way you did, that's just a karmic hit. welcome to the universe baby. honesty and transparency, those words would be alien to you being such a sociopathic narcissist. 


Sunday, April 03, 2022

talking new projects with an old friend, he suggests a soundtrack to go with manifesto, which i am still working on. i like the idea as he speaks about an experimental theme, a succession of avent garde styles which would work well. i discuss a designer and he says, 'do it yourself.' 
this is the most plausible idea given my original designer cannot assist.
i have to work out each section, how it will look, the first one is easy but what program should i do it on?
can you blend word and photoshop, how can i get everything ready in one file to print. i will need to speak with a printer / publisher.
later we eat hash cookies and see a bad movie about a man who cures his incurable disease with bat blood but turns into a bat himself. i fall asleep halfway through. 
we wander around looking at street architecture, i'm planning what i would do to improve the look of some places, i must admit there are some interesting city dwellings off the beaten track in newtown.
i discover a drink i really like, and decide i will perfect the mix at home for winter. the drink is called 'negroni.'
equal parts gin, vermouth and campari over one large ice cube and a slice of orange peel. there are variations upon this theme but one must source with expert taste as the quality matters. a red vermouth, a london gin will counter the flavour of the campari perfectly. as far as variants go,  coffee negroni and cherry would be interesting.

Thursday, March 31, 2022

before time i was there, a point. everywhere in no time and no space because those things did not exist. in order for me to exist i just had two options
1. stay in this state
2. begin creation
in order to create i required a canvass or medium in which to create. 
i created 3 dimensions, front back, left right up and down. these do not exist in form but are energetic states off consciousness i project in these three directions in equal measure.

i had to move outside myself, but what would i move into if i were everywhere so with these three dimensions i am halfway to creating space. to complete the process i needed boundaries. in order to do this i just need to connect every point to the end of every other point. 
thus the octahedron which is also when viewed at the right angle a hexagram or star of david. 

thus i created space, and moved inside it because boundaries are defined, thus relative movements are no possible.
my single point of consciousness could now move away from a point of central location whereas previously there was nothing to move relative to.
the male is straight lines, esoterically the generating principle.
therefore i created a female curve. this was done by spinning the octahedron around, and it makes no difference which direction because the outline would be the same. a circle.

eve has been created from adam. i created a perfect membrane which still gives me two options:
1. remain static and explore this imaginary shape for eternity
2. or i can repeat the process.
the only difference is i now have a reference point, the spherical membrane in which to repeat the process. it makes no difference where i begin, all points are equal on the sphere. i move to the surface of the membrane, and project another identical sphere. known as the

thus i continue to create another sphere.

i always move to the inner most circle points before projecting another sphere. i do this 7 times in total and create the seed of life.

this basic pattern lays the foundation for the creation of matter and the universe itself. if spun around the central point it creates a tube torus and it is composed of 7 equal segments.

the only shape that can fold in upon itself. 
however i did not cease at seven, i added six more following the same laws, i call this the 2nd vortex motion. then i repeated in the 3rd vortex motion and i am left with what i call the flower of life.

(the flower of life is found through cultures of many civilisations, in one form or another. the oldest was found at the temple of osiris in egypt etched into the stone using a process modern science considers unknown.)

after i created the flower of life i continued adding two more vortex's which result in the final layer, the fruit of life. or what i call metatrons cube. from here i have the template for all creation in the universe. 

this pattern is purely consciousness, it does not physically exist nor is it visible but it is my consciousness.
the universe is a holographic representation, an expression of the creative force of consciousness within structure which ironically and quite paradoxically is also birthed by consciousness. 
i am.

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

captain mission (terton) receives the information in zip file download, the process is much faster now i have discovered the twin aspect, d plus d. life experience will reveal the details especially if one is versed in traversing the dimensions that are nested within this dimension. i usually accept mini satori's as part of normal existence, my memory states these as 'perfect moments' whereas crowley called them 'ah ha,' and archimedes 'eureka,' the words may be different but the principle is the same. for this tantric ritual the 'terma' (download) must be comprehended completely, there is no room for mistakes as not just the fate of the terton is at risk, the current trajectory of humanity will continue to entropy. my deductive reasoning and research into the art of nemeta explains the lightening flash approach to transmission, i will pass on the data by lightening bolt inoculation encased within joyous rapture. 
the paradox is that despite the hedonistic impulse, i must forget the pleasure and focus upon the weaving of it, thus the direction of energy is where my skill and discipline reside.
finally everything falls into place, it was a strange phase but i have cracked another code, which in turn will assist me control the weird vortexes i seem to have created along my time lines. the process was always intuitive, and i trusted that, the vortex took me where i needed to be. now thanks to the grid map i have of the planet i know what's going on, and how to tweak it for my advantage. the history of the grid comes from prehistory, shamanism, to plato, to buckminster fuller, through some western magickal traditions right to the modern age. 
there is also a theory that connects memory to the grid, specifically memory loss an issue i have had organic problems with but thankfully repaired. the theory is very complex and assumes the concept of simulation, which i am not convinced about but drawn towards as something to disprove to myself. so far the only evidence the universe is not a simulation is many say it would not be so bad, but that's a subjective position. to me it's quite beautiful and i still find fascination when i loose myself within.
the idea that the soul can detach itself from an energy line and therefore loose it's memory alludes to the concept of a circuit. it's not something one can reject totally.
mastering the voids that seem to follow me will be interesting, these vortexes have always been very helpful and i am somewhat indifferent to the experience, all part of my nature, however to control these will change everything. i mastered remote viewing almost 20 years ago, but now it's time to play with einstien rosen a natural progression. the geometric patterns and energy points i listed yesterday will be the key places to experiment with this while conducting my nemeta.
i must find the dakini to do this with, it must be someone whom is safe for the energies involved will be cosmic and powerful enough to transform the planet. i will be vulnerable and require protection. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

not often do i come across a book rich with the kind of information i require for my brain, my mind and it's imagination, especially in the autobiography field. biographies are mostly filled with ego based models of constructed fantasy and illusion, the are a few that are breathtakingly bold, crowley's is brilliantly engaging but his smack addiction pours through some of the book as his writing becomes more gregarious as the book progresses, however it maintains it's readability and was illuminating and enjoyable. klaus kinski's biography is brilliant, i loved it yet it probably could never get published nowadays in todays repressive climate. i read dylans book 'chronicles' which is well written but didn't hold me as well as others, but it's hard for a rock star to write a biography that breaks rules and smashes through the idea of bestseller. elvis costello's was middle of the road, steve kilbeys was just like having him pop over for tea and chat about the high and low points of his journey, donald fagan's 'eminent hipsters' was literate and atypical, a real gem, the rest of them not worth mentioning. i would have liked to have read bowies, he would have doe something creative with the genre.however at the moment i am reading, 'voyage to cytherea,' by jaz coleman and i have to say here is an autobiography that is simply outstanding. not only is it well written, well laid out and presented. this is a book filled with information, a totally inspirational book. i don't necessarily agree politically with him but my respect for him has increased so much. i recall seeing killing joke just after their first album was out, a hard funky post punk band with a tribal energy. they were great but after the 'brighter than a thousand suns' album i lost interest as they became harder and more metal based. occasionally i'd hear a track i liked, some melodic type of tune. jaz always was an energy man, onstage and yet he was also a renaissance man, which i am just discovering. this book will disappear for a while so grab a copy while you can, because it will be considered the greatest autobiography by a rock star ever written in time. in fact it's not really an autobiography, its what jaz calls a ludibrium ( a word i had to look up) and it's filled with esoteric knowledge and wisdom. yeah there are verbose moments, but i feel genius has the self capacity to avoid aggregating themselves, and as jaz says in his jungian passages he is composed of many selves. i've very rarely read a book where i completely relate to the persona of the author but i feel like i know this man very well or that we will cross paths. maybe in new zealand  in the not to distant future.  he seems to have uncovered a rich tradition and pursued it with such passion and reverence, while maintaining a hedonistic approach, he conquers intellectual boundaries and penetrates self education, realisation and synthesis or as jaz calls it super synthesis. 

Monday, March 28, 2022

everything, everywhere all at once
history, fail safe, the forgetting of things past the remembering of things future. i have through a series of traumatic accidents and violent blows to the head, with a mixture of conscious brain change, mind expansion and the pursuit of my own individualized abstracted magick sees what's coming by seeing what came before, and when history is laid out before you, in a pool of bile, stomach acids, blood soaked organs and entrails sister, it's easy to read, i'm the high priest of reading, reading is knowing, i know everything, i know so much that i have to store it outside myself in the banks of the dark matter, in the ocean of space. 
dressed in my black robe, the one with the red serpent embossed on the back, in the depths of temple mission control, the future spills out and reveals itself. my  robe splattered in blood and bile, the stink of an abattoir and atmosphere heavy with the taste of metallic doom upon my breath. oh i have seen the future and it made me weep.
the oracle foretell a reckoning, unholy daze, the hanged man, death and the tower a savage omen to reconcile with the savage nature of mankind. the cycle of time cycles onward backwards and forwards, the spinning earth knows where it has to traverse because it has been there before, the ebb and flow. my dark mirror shows me the abyss. only the infinity of the aeon not only stares back, it engulfs my history, and all history, it is as if, the abyss meets the abyss. 
i carefully step over the blooded floor towards my alter, adorned by my athame which is used as a bookmarker in the agrippa grimore, i think i may be able to stop this but it will require a personal sacrifice. some pride perhaps, to save the world or pride before the fall. sometimes when you unwillingly find yourself in the role of saviour or superhero you have to just do something insane. 
the twin flame burns in eternity.
the points upon the planet are revealed to me, i have the meridian map the red centre of the great southern land, lake titicaca, glastonbury, mount shasta, mount fuji, mount kalis in tibet, the crater at maui, somewhere in capetown south africa, lake taupo in new zealand, palenque in mexico,  and of course mount agung in bali. all that remains is to work out the sequence and a suitable partner.