Tuesday, December 12, 2017

being something of a reclusive anti social creature these days i had been jonesing for a church fix for the last few months, i know they were in the usa and eventually would have to return to sydney for a show and but the days just dragged and my need was growing, maybe going to manifest in some awful self destructive implosion  from a sun to a dark star. i stopped smoking weed for so long it felt weird, my health deteriorated, my mojo bled out from my hole riddled aura. 
i had been working long hours and time was distorting around me, one moment i was a baby crying out for a nipple, the next i was a dirty old man crying out for a nipple, what is with this sudden breast fixation i wondered. i'll leave that to the sexy freudian psychotherapists. anyway i was just saying to a friend the other day, i feel like i'm ready to cash in my cards, after all i seen it all, not much in the world inspires me anymore, my best friend dead, bowie gone, my current friend is in hospital, joy is on the decline, nothing interests me, maybe i am just depressed? whatever the malaise, i knew i needed to see the church, only they can fix me.
so when it came for the show i had to race back to the coast after work, shower change, catch train to city, see the band then return to the coast and wake up three hours later for another long day at work where i found myself having to return to the street the venue was on as i dropped a client off at her sisters in marickville, just around the corner from the factory. so it was a congested weekend.
anyways, i was very grateful that sharon and nina had saved me a barrel on which to lean, and nina blessed me with some golden aura which offerred some respite from the awful pain in my leg and the pins and needles shooting through my left hand. 
anyway's the band came on with jeffery caine who proceeded to add a layer of tone that just shifted gears in a very cool new direction, i gotta say he was excellent. 
as far as church gigs go, it was up there, the sound at the factory is never consistent and there's awful moments where it goes all out of phase but this never depletes from the performance. during those bits i watch and then when the sound comes back i listen. 
so coming onstage and playing aura is always an impressive beginning, and the songs have new textures and parts, new arrangements, that make them sound new and dynamic again. i loved the show but i have to say i wish they would just drop milky way and metropolis, the two crowd pleasers. maybe i'm just being selfish but i think it's time to put those songs to rest from live sets. 
as far as set lists go, it was an almost perfect inclusion of songs that all seemed to fit together, day 5 was transformed and transcended  possibly an all time church highlight for me, but block, constant in opel, tantalised all incredibly reworked to give them a vitality that saturated everyone present. brilliant. however, it was the new songs which impressed me more, the handful they played were executed with such immense power and conviction by steve at the front and this incredible band i was filled up with whatever missing ingredient i needed, my fix was in, it was mainlined into my blood and hit my brain at the speed of life. steves hit a new level in his presence as a stage man, he's up there with the greats, embodying the songs with conviction, love and respect, his base playing and vocals are masterful and the many tangents the band jams along make the whole evening worthwhile. 
so thank you. happy xmas to the church. 

Friday, December 08, 2017

instructions to agents
travel light
pack a book, camera and bikini
buy ticket to large island in southern hemisphere
never look back.

instructions for agents
sleep is where we meet,
exchange information
dream stuff is never snorted but inhaled

instructions for agents
look at the stars often
orgasm with them in mind 
it's all just an experience
until it isn't.

Friday, December 01, 2017

the last few months, since my return from the uk i decided to detox from weed, a big mistake. 
my body started to deteriorate, pains in my knees, my leg unable to support me, throbbing pain in the calf which i have borne in my usual stoic way. working hours pushing me over the brink, physical health, mental heath and spiritual health all falling rapidly, until i smoked a spliff and within seconds healed. i must keep smoking, keep on smoking smoke the sky away.

i have not written for weeks, maybe months, nothing. my story lays unfinished untold, and it must be borne. i'm thinking of doing something very strange with it, but it may fail. whatever, it's going to take time.

Monday, November 06, 2017

the terrible fact is i have to register my business, this involves various hours filling forms, making calls, searching online and dealing with australian bureaucracy. it kills any passion for business dead. it's a nightmare against creativity and enthusiasm  a system designed to crush anything it may not like. apparently my name is used by someone else, fuck them i think, no one should own words. 
anyway, i sort things out and move onwards, i buy a filing cabinet for the office, mission control has far to many piles of paper randomly scattered through it's rooms, so i bring a sense of order to my chaos. it has to be done. 
now the website needs making.

Saturday, November 04, 2017

the waves spat me out and i walked up the shore to where she lay, by the time i arrived i was almost dry. she looked up at me as i blocked the sun, 'how was the water?'
'come find out,' i whisper and reach out for her hand.
i can see the excuses flutter through her mind, the tourist anxieties, sharks, jellyfish, sting rays, currents. 
'i'll be with you, won't let anything happen at all. in fact we won't go out of your depth.'
she has no choice but to trust me.
the sand is hot, she hops down and the first sensation of the ocean washing over her feet is relief. i guide her in, but she's smiling and filled with confidence. knee deep she laughs and i suggest she throws herself right in and gets wet. 
i lead by example and she follows. 
a powerful flood of chemicals race through her brain, the pure rush, the joy of the oceans embrace. we hold hands and i lead her further out, demonstrating how to take on a larger wave. you just dip under, never let it meet you head on at face level, just dive under and shoot out, the water will do the work for you. she tries it and comes out the other side. it's still shallow, waist hight. we repeat this three times and she finds she's further out, the water is up to her shoulders.
'this is our zone, don't need to go any further out.'
she smiles, and splashes me. we hover out there waiting, i see the wave in the distance, part of a set. i explain the system. she follows me. we dip under, surface, dip under, surface, dip under and surface, then turn and face the beach. 'follow my lead, just arms out feet out, ride the wave until you feel you should stop.kick off with your feet, ready, steady, go.'
whatever it is, chemical, phycological, physical, the surf will fix it.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

love to all witches and wizards, you do the great work, and i respect that greatly.

i'm writing a novel, it's almost finished then i have to work on its narrative style. i think it's groovy, i think you will like it. i hope it will be finished in a month or two.
oh oh, there's panic in the world, theres panic in london, panic in the streets of islington, panic in the stanmore vicinity, panic in the notting hillbilly, panic in terrible terrigal, panic in the oceans and the seas, there's panic in the borough of hackney, panic in the roads of old avalon, panic in the air and panic in my hair. fucking panic everywhere.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

investigations into my new idea prove worthwhile, however one must navigate the trenches of ridiculous australian red tape, and like all prison systems they want their slice of the pie. so i do the work and pay a strata of unimaginative vultures for the service of what appears to be some sort of racket. 
that's the thing about australia that most people don't know. i love it because it has a natural beauty that is unsurpassed. it's a frontier, a land mass on the edge of the world where everything is unique. what i loathe about it is the people who rule over us are corrupt, the systems they run corrupt and the average australians appear to worship this due to some convict prison romance.

i concluded a long time ago, the australian system has not changed since settlement, there are the convicts and the jailers and they all live together indistinguishable from one another. it's an open prison with the illusion of being democratic and free but the reality is your tax file number is your chain, and the government is your ball.
an example of this is the NBN which was dreamt up by an incompetent prime minister and his public service. we were told australia would have the most significant infrastructure ever, the national broadband network which would wire up every house to fibre optic cable thus opening the future up for everyone to join the new economy. business would boom, innovation could flow to the four corners of the globe, and australia would join the information superhighway in the super fast lane.
the result 10 years later is a white elephant. 
both parties are responsible, equally, labour and the liberal party. labour for having very poor organisational skills and blowing the budget. the liberals for just cost cutting, and generally taking the vision and turning it into some sort of no frills dinosaur. oh, and blowing the budget. in fact the current PM is really responsible as it was he that made all the terrible mistakes that now leave us with a $56 billion white elephant net that is already out of date and running so inefficiently half it's customers have complained to the ombudsman.
(i am one)
now apply this to every single idea the govt. has promoted.
the french submarines, $50 billion, spent to win one disgraceful minion his election. a useless outdated model that runs on diesel and cannot be delivered until fifty years from now. when all experts will tell you, by then every submarine will be a drone operated from a base on land and unmanned.
then there's the NDIS national disability insurance scheme, costing the tax payer  $21 billion. let me just say, this cost will double next year as i've been working with it and it's a major failure. 
now, you ask why do these ideas get supported by the people?
the answer is people here are easily seduced. they always have been, ask john friedrich who stole $296 million from the govt. 
a country of crooks ruled by the corrupt someone said to me, now i think that's a bit harsh but i see the point she is making and it's hard to disagree completely. the smart australians are the ones that leave.
our goverments are so bad, when they are not screwing the public they are knifing each other in the back. 
i personally cannot understand how the public tolerate this kind of governance. in europe they would be rioting, a guillotine erected outside their window as a reminder of whom they serve. but here it's a tv crew and some dumb abc journalists who all agree and enable this kind of rule. 
i'm a big believer in closing the abc down, public money wasted upon a dept. of propaganda. it's backed every hare brained idea they come up with and can't critically analyse at all. in fact the abc are probably the worst media machine for information i have ever seen, there is no balance at all. a fake institution if ever there was, pushing it's agendas at every opportunity it can.  

Thursday, October 19, 2017

good to take the early train into the hive, meet my friends imi and iggy, have amazing northern chinese food, noodles made fresh and fast, eggplant in some sweet sour chilli type sauce. i like places with no frills, no posters, shiny menus, smiling waitresses, table clothes or paintings on the walls, this is bare and simple. it's cheap and excellent. 
we walk along into the japanese book shop where i pick up 'blood year' by david kilcullen which details the massive failure of obama and the rise of isis. i'm particularly interested in his comments about isis now, they lost the battle for land but the west is where the war will be fought and it ain't over baby. in fact it's only just beginning. kilcullen wrote an essay for the quarterly from which this book is built around and i'm looking forwards to getting my teeth into it.

however on the train i read a short story by laird barron, the forest and wow, that guy is amazing. i'm going to have to finish 'occultation' before starting blood year.

iggy gives me some constructive feedback on my new work, he's dead right, as usual. switched on guy. we part ways, imi and iggy go looking for a suit and i slip away back to mission control. 

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

those words that leak like snakes from lips that can't stay closed. there's so much hurt in everyone you touch and you just make it worse. your influence traverses distance and time, it rots the very sparks of life, enabled by a good man who married the wrong wife.
my existence would be snuffed like cosmic dust, a life of happenstance, the gods of words and irony bellow up above, for that's theres nothing unconditional in a rotten mothers love.
the toxic emotions are corrupted, they are cynical and mean, for once where there was beauty now it is unseen. in a narcissistic streak that lasted many years, let it be known now, all you brought were tears. age will not wear you down or erode your bitter taste, all the fucking time you had to love you just always chose to hate. 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017


please buy the new live cd from shriekback : it's brilliant!

Friday, October 06, 2017

expect only beauty, the rest is unpredictable, yes clever wordplay and beautiful soundscapes but here lies a new sound, less rock more roll, the roll of waves, the surf is here, in the sound, it's pouring through the headphones, i only see it now it exists within me. i had no evidence to show what direction the church would move in, they are on their own trajectory, always have been a band that does not follow fashion but follows the flow. 
the flow takes them to this pivotal piece of music, where the intricacies of coral reefs lay spawning under full moons, and the octopus of sounds weaves through cites made of beauty and playgrounds for the seahorses. there's something very innocent that catches the light, but there's also the depths, the places only experience could take you, it's light music with some heavy soul. hey, if you want a title like man, woman, life death infinity then you got a have some weight. i was stumped first listen,it was thing of beauty, a magnificent journey but it was unlike anything i had heard from the church previous. that's what i love, it takes a brave band to do that. 
my fave songs, fog and dark waltz. 

Friday, September 29, 2017

i'm still writing my book, it's cnsumed me as the plot is very complex and sometimes i loose my way. i try not to over complicate things but it's tricky. i got to chapter three and realised it was not quite right. it wasn't where i wanted the story to go, i had hit a wall. so i threw myself in the surf, it was freezing, my heart nearly exploded but the wave was there. and i figured it out. spent the day writing chapter three again. 
it's a big idea. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

managed to catch up with iggy in the city today, had a great chat about politics, art and australian culture, had some interesting fig drinks, checked out a few bookshops. walking through sydney i see how the food culture is prevalent, everyone is a masterchef, it's okay, i like food and the asian heavy pop up shops are cool. however it would be nice to see more bookshops.  
the project with the other writer is doomed, she is talking to much and not writing, i don't think she actually has the imagination to be the kind of writer i like or would want to work with, maybe it's just me, anyhow, the parts i wrote i have taken and morphed into a new story, a novel. it's pretty much an epic and i am working on it currently. i will probably self publish as soon as it's complete.
i think the other writer would be better suited towards something investigative or research based. 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

the body of work was burnt by fire, a lifetime consumed and obliterated, ash floating in the air currents. dust.
it's where history lays, it's where we all end up, it's end of the line, end of time. ash and dust are the past and the future. 
all the endeavours of man, all the monuments and art, all the effort. i guess that's why the optimists say its not the destination it's the journey. so what's the point of anything?
it's to create.
not for the result but for the act. it's what our brains are for, it's what love is, its what god is, its what art should be. 
i've been looking at art movements lately and i love the situationists, a true movement towards liberating but they have made one fundamental mistake which is to think das kapital is not the spectacle. it is very much part of the spectacle for while karl and engels were sipping on their expensive chardonnay's writing about redistribution of wealth their work was turned into pop cultural politics we see today. 
the working classes are no longer represented by the left leaning governments. the labour is not valued by the labour movement, ask craig thompson how much he values his members and he will say, 'as long as they pay for my strippers and hookers i'm a socialist.'
while guy deboard was one of the worlds greatest thinkers in my opinion he was mistaken that marxism was the answer. it can't be because it is part of the spectacle.
especially now, with the rise of the internet and social media. the spectacle permeates all things, it moves through the post truth world, it radiates in causes  in memes and commentary  it fractures society so the truely alienated are the ones with differing views. inversion philosophy. all things that are true must contain their paradox. alister crowley was right. lao tau was correct. laurel and hardy are the righteous.       
the water is shockingly cold but i adapt fast, it's still surface licks at my skin, no wave. no old wave, no new wave, just no wave and i do. i know the wave. it's going to take me away from where ever i am and i will find myself somewhere new. in that space will be something pure and liberating. all i have to do is wait for it to arrive, catch it at the right point and love the experience with pure joy. simple. 

Monday, September 11, 2017

not sure what occurred in london but my taste buds suddenly took on a new appreciation for indian food. look, i  have always liked indian food but only when my grand mother made it and that was at a late age, in early adulthood. i had infrequently gone out to indian restaurants but always chosen the same item from a menu no matter where i was, the palak panner. 
when my friends tez and jean visited me we ate a few meals at indian restaurants as they seemed to be connoisseurs, strangely something most english people have within their genetic make up, possibly due to the high number of indian places open after pubs shut in london, plus india has pervaded english culture and the two are intrinsically connected which is a good thing. the empire is now  being colonised democratically. 
anyway's in london i had a few indian meals and tried something called a biryani which i have to say was amazing. 
on return to australia i have searched for the same type of quality, i even attempted to home cook it but my attempt was dismal. 
so last night i got a call from two old friends whom are moving to new zealand and they wanted to see me and go to the indian restaurant we all love in terrible beach. 
on my fridge there was a take away menu so i scanned the meals hoping they would do a biriyani otherwise i'd default back to panner palak. no sign of the sacred biriyani. 
so at the restaurant i was about to order my spinach dish when i saw the specials board and thus my desires were granted.
it was perfect.
this restaurant is quite simply the best indian on earth. i can't eat this food every week but maybe once every month or two would be fine, it's a beautiful spot and an eating experience. and if you need to rekindle the romance there's a hotel next door and these spring evenings as you stroll along the beach walking of a decent meal all sorts of possibilities are open. 

Thursday, August 31, 2017

i am in collaboration with a friend who wants to write. she is obsessed by crime and like a lot of australian girls seem to read a lot of true crime books. 
i suggest two characters  her and me, the female is a hard drinking, hard fighting, hard talking aggressive alpha female who possesses all the qualities of a male whereas i am the quiet bookish introspective loner. more female. 
the inversion of roles goers against every modern drive in fiction, especially as the female is a husband basher.
my writing partner will write the crime scene. i will add some flourish and conversation to introduce the main characters. 
let's see how we progress.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

not quite the soft focus not quite the hard, things slip in and out of some points in time and space, flickering existence, fluttering life. i don't know anymore, i want to let it all go, just exit stage left and take another part in a new play but the script says i have  more lines to speak so i will have to complete the performance.

north korea is shooting missiles across the islands off japan, it is a reckless act of defiance by a mad dictator. with capability to launch anywhere and strike the american heartland i imagine there will be some kind of retaliation, there has to be, it's the right action to so much provocation. japan has no army, no war machine, it is dependant upon it's allies and in many ways it is the front line along with the south who do have a military and capacity to strike back. 
complex games in the sea of japan. butterfly wings ripple cause that may effect australia but will certainly provoke an american move. 
hang on to your self.  

Saturday, August 26, 2017

up before the dawn, i slept deeply in a soft night of vermillion dreams. the episodes all fall from my head like strange foam bubbles, filling up the void. when i walk down it's still dark even birds are not awake. 
i drive down to the ocean, watch the sunrise. i sip on a coffee and feel the stillness, the gentle splash of tide, the wind circulates, my heart beating strong. 
life without pan.

Friday, August 25, 2017

the days of night, the september country, the forgotten memory, the ironic state. the mental catastrophe of variations in inertia. spring heeled mission, the limehouse captain, captain tripper, the cockney reject, the prodigal sun.
walking along the beach with my friend who is wrapped in salvation i look out at the water, still and gentle, calmness tranquility waves caress my skin like the warm kisses after sex with an ocean nymph.
the dying winter sunlight on the cusp of spring, crisp surface tension stretches out to the horizon, in the distance a shoreline north. 
we have walked a long way, up the strange place they call skillion, to the lookout where the wrecks of many ships are detailed in stone. sunken treasure, like all good rewards awaiting discovery. 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

twelve hour flight, a marathon jaunt from the nasty technological security systems where my prized mint sauce was taken by a fucking robot in uniform to kuala lumpur where they steal a tiny tube of tooth paste from me. but it's not 100mg i protest. rules he says. but i already had it approved by the uk customs and you guys when i checked in. rules, he says. i hand him the 100mg and mutter stick the toothpaste and your rules.
the second leg of the flight was empty, i nab four seats and sleep the entire way arriving fresh. e tickets rule, efficient and stress free. my driver waiting for me.
mission control looks lonely. 
in the morning i head dow to the beach for my routine swim and coffee. it's brilliant, clean, fresh and sunny. the birds natter away, colour fills the skies, everything back to paradise. but i miss people, family i hung out with, jakob. it's a strange feeling.
i have a few days before i get back to work. a few days to work out what comes next. 

Saturday, August 19, 2017

wandering back from hackney, i see fragments of a london left behind, drunk girls falling out of cars clutching their cans of special brew but letting go of any dignity, shrill broken cries of desperate attention, lost souls almost ghosts. jake and i avoid the drama, we dance on peripheral, he goes off to work while i follow my nose down brick lane to the bagel shop. brick lane, half of it traditionally trendy and cool, the other a dump, derelict weary buildings cold and damp penetrating the fabric of culture, curry houses ad infinitum, dodgy looking taxi companies fronting for the some bangladeshi cult. the massive city looming over my head reminds me london is a saudi city. economics always wins, govts always sell their soul, it's the devils business, politicians sell their soul and then your country. a global problem far to late to unravel.
in rough trade i hear some music played loud, it's got something familiar about it, something interesting. i ask the man who tells me it's an australian compilation of electronica. ironic, can't escape the place. although i consider myself english i cannot vote here, neither can i vote in australia, yet i have now lived over half my life in australia and feel less connected to the uk than ever.
later i find myself in soho, my old haunts, wadour street, brewer street, all cleaned up and looking spiff, nice niche shops, trendy well dressed individualistic types, jazz man, it's like watching jazz sprawling out in three dimensional space, i like it. this tiny area will always be my london. 
it's tricky, being back here a city i never really liked or thought of as home. certainly not much to keep me here, and in my final week i actually look forwards to returning to sydney.  
the uk is pretty much the same as it was when i left, class structures more intact than ever, the peasants lorded over by their masters. people here respect doctors, lawyers, people who own four wheel drives, it's a city ruled by old gods, dark ones, their impulses radiate through the bones and nervous system of anyone unable to defend against these entities. magick is strong here but it's corrupted, it's violent and stupid, manipulative and weighted by history and it's possessive ego.
I've exhausted it, it bores me. i have picked up various books i needed, done my duty as a son and felt somewhat done with it all.
family life here is different, i am grateful to have spent some time with my father, he's grasping for reason in an unreasonable world, he's open to the other world and invites it in but dogma makes a sabotaging guardian at the gates.
for an old man he's sharp, not agile or mobile as i would have liked but his mind is lubricated with good stuff.
still ever apocalyptic dad watches the news, wondering if he will witness the inevitable come to pass.

No News from Nowhere

Nothing happened between the days, just the family circumstances of old age parents going through their dramas and filling their days with tea, food and supermarkets. Banal conversation about things I no longer cared about, strange neurotic babbling and reversions, routines and fear.

Everyone seemed trapped in their time space co ordinates, it was not liberating and that was obviously why I stood out from every part of the experience. It started in an argument when I arrived.

For some strange reason my legs from knee down had turned bright crimson, in a pattern that was similar to a giraffe. My mother came with me to the Doctor who referred me to emergency at the local hospital.

They quarantined me. I sat outside a doorway while the Doctor put his tight elastic surgical gloves on. He had left the door slightly ajar and I couldn’t help but notice the disapproving look he gave me when he saw us. I guess he was not used to wild unkempt hair with feathers dangling down. He was not used to seeing people in psychedelic tee shirts with the sleeves cut off and reading a book called ‘cryptonomicon.’

He invited me inside and my mother joined me. He asked me a list of questions which my mother answered. I interrupted and said to my mother I was capable of answering questions about my health history better than she would as she had no knowledge of me from after age 16.

The Dr. Continued with his questions.

He requested I lay down and started inspecting my legs. He seemed baffled and asked if it hurt. I shook my head, ‘No, not at all.’

Then he nodded and asked if I took drugs.

Now I do smoke a lot off weed but I was never going to confess so I said, ‘No.’

He asked me later if I took hard drugs. I repeated my answer and wondered if he was serious.

After taking a few basic tests he informed me that I was on drugs. I corrected him that he was wrong, and I do not take drugs. He said he had never seen anything like the marks on my legs and that I should take antibiotics. He wrote the script and charged me.

As I walked out my mother said to me, in all seriousness, ‘You look like you take drugs, everyone thinks you do.’

Now I should have let this pass but my mother is an impossible woman to deal with, her irrational mouth often emits the most bizarre and ridiculous comments.

‘Everyone looks at you when we walk down the street and thinks you are on drugs. You dress like you are on drugs, your hair is like a drug addicts and you talk like one.’

The barriers are broken and it floods out from my mouth a barrage of self defence against anti logic, I should have known better.

Later at home mum and dad break out their medication box and show me the horde of prescription drugs they have, literally hundreds of blister packs, tubes, and foils. Lotions, creams and tinctures. They even have the antibiotics I have been prescribed.

And I am the drug addict!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

complex constellations require a slightly better perspective, navigate a path where the complexity becomes elegant. it's a neurological magick. 
i've not always been a yellow magickian but lately i find myself floating towards this concept. i have no interest other than selfish when it comes to the black skools, for they are only interested scepticism of the white skool.
the white skool itself aspires to revere god, or whatever that intelligence is, but the yellow is detached, it keeps it's understanding internalised and examines them as he goes, which is the way of the scientist i imagine, no conclusions, only observation of the observer. 
i have learnt, never react to changes. always respond in a considered way, over a period of time. time in an ingredient magicians often forget to include in their will because one should never focus on a result, but it needs to be taken into account because the expectation of a fast result will disappoint. 
i have infiltrated the structure, it's weakness is it's strength and its strength is its weakness. one would imagine that this type of tolerance rate would create some equilibrium but in a universe where  matter is on a trajectory with entropy we have to investigate the weakness.
the stronger the structure the stronger it's integrity. this applies to non physical things as well as matter. an idea must have integrity, which means it must translate from imagination into some tangible form. there are no political forms that will survive, democracy is broken and slips further towards some other collective agenda, socialism, fascism, technocracy. 
the religious beliefs are equally volatile, built on lies, half truths and misconceptions. 
they fight for control, control itself is explosively unstable. enter a struggle for control and you may find yourself loosing it just by taking a side.
there are a handful of techniques that have survived time, and human pollution.
the basis of art is shamanism, from which techniques analogue to magick have grown, these last because they are unconscious castings, often thrown out into the world without much intellectual consideration. dreams come true.
modern magick attempts to rationalise and formulate the process but there is little point, for in the magickal universe time has no place. the event you cast may happen at any time, it may even of happened at some other place in someone else's life. it may never happen. however all unconscious wish fulfillments end up in someones future. 
calibrating this technique is the science of magick.
i've always found yuri bezmenov one of the great political minds and strategists. here he is. listen hard.


Sunday, July 23, 2017

london. the headlines are splashed across the streets, the mad crowds, a horde of multi ethno tribes all being polite yet seething under the surface, it's a j b ballard story bursting at the edges, supressed tensions spilt the infinite possibilities into one chaotic resolution.
now, the new fashion amongst the young are the savage acid attacks that seem to result in the theft of a few mobile phones and scooters, mopeds and cycles. yes, a gang will approach a target who is just minding their own business and throw acid into their face while stealing whatever they can. i see faces burnt up like scarred war veterans under agent orange, it's just business as usual in the city, a spent police force can't offer solutions despite the millions of surveillance cameras. the perpetrators are all young men, not even reached puberty in some cases. it's a system in decay, something is seriously wrong with the host if these types of virus run rampant.
i walk along the dark streets, i have found walking at night less traumatic than day time where i am exposed for all to see, like some circus freak with a day pass into the community. my skin deep plasmic red, violently radiating it's strange aura.
the dark clouds forecast rain ahead but for the moment there's a reasonable yet unusual humidity in the air. i like these nights, a scattering of people wandering around, the traffic moves through the arterial roads and the pulse of london throbs with it's vital life signs.
i think i am on a side road, quite close to my parents home, i am looking for stars but london's ambient light kills the natural sky, smog and pollution keep the universe at bay. 
i can smell the danger first, a strange overwhelming flood of pheromone activity, assaults me with some brutal force. my spine tingles and the strange patterns on my skin begin to glow. 
out from several directions they came, shadows, hooded and lithe but it's the glimmer of blades that reveal their intent. 
knowledge, understanding, action, it all comes inherently within my new skin, a movement behind me, the elements are disturbed, i spin around and catch the mans arm as it swoops down dagger in hand.
the truth is instinctive, i surrender to my strange new skin, let it do the work. there are movements, swift and gracefully i spin around and face three more of them. they look shocked at the fall of their comrade but are not unenthusiastically seeking revenge. the glimmer in their eye is fear but also madness, and then horror as they see my face.
i've already won this battle, my skin takes care of them, it's over instantaneously as i find myself standing over their broken bones and blood. it's impossible not to be overwhelmed by this stigmata, this strange new power. i gaze at my arms and hands, the pulse seems to fade and the bright glow begins to dim.


Saturday, July 22, 2017

i have a strange affliction, a terrible skin condition, a giraffe pattern of bright coral like maroon overnight appeared upon my body. highly noticeable for it's vibrant sheen and gossamer like finish as it reflects the summer light in my home city as i stand upon my parents balcony looking downwards at the train station and the disembarking passengers at the end of the jubilee line. it was not unexpected, i have always reacted to returning to london in strange psychosomatic expression.
once i couldn't even walk, pain searing through my legs every time i attempted to take a step or even stand upright but this time i am mobile and move with unusual grace and stealth. however in public i am the freak, like the tattooed man, or the monster, the alien being who magnetises attention of all. even children in their prams gawk at me and then burst out crying in terror at the hideous creature they see before them.
yes, i disguise myself as much as possible, i even wear long pants instead of my board shorts, i wear a neck scarf despite the warm evenings and i attempt to cover my face in sunglasses and a low brimmed hat, however up close you cannot fail to see me, in all my awful naked truth, a creature in the shape of a man.
choices are limited, i could have flown straight to london but i would have arrived a mess, drooling and dribbling like a jet lagged clown in a sarong balancing suitcases through the rush hour commuter chaos, instead i thought five days in bali would alleviate my stress and the anxiety i have accumulated in my physical form.
it worked to a point. i took myself out of the balanese tourist areas and into the more remote areas, in the jungle, tiny beaches, remote villages and no connectivity with anything remotely civilized, nothing much to do except watch the sun rise and set, get massaged and eat papaya.
my balinese experience was amazing, scooting around on moped, surfing in warm water and generally finding myself loosen up again, as balanese hands released the knots and tensions trapped within my flesh, using hot rock technique, bamboo and lots of oils, certain pressure points setting free traumas and negative experiences. it was very much like returning to my original self. i can recommend to all people seeking some sort of healing, bali is cheap, it is effective, it is real and it is a memory to treasure. i fully understand why bowie asked for his ashes to be scattered there, i would want that to, bali culture is easy to love, rich with friendly islander hinduism, the locals are beautiful and friendly. it's a simple place but deeply traditional, deeply joyous. 
yes indonesia presence is there, casting a shadow upon everything but that's all the more reason to visit and support the natives.
when i did return to town connectivity ruined my bliss.


i move to malaysia, eat a hot laska and jump on-board a aircraft bound for london. i catch the train and alight at my parents. i feel okay, still relaxed and healthy, my body feels vital and motivated. the next day i set off to meet jake in the city but get misdirected and end up having to walk for hours (thanks google maps) when eventually i see jake i am exhausted.
we eat dinner out at a turkish place, there's some kerfuffle over pizza and pide, the waiter has an attitude problem, something i notice here more and more is the way people like to stick their nose in other peoples business and have their say. it's quite unsettling, people making assumptions, telling you what they think about something you are doing, or saying. an example is at the supermarket i buy a pair of pants and after paying ask if i can have a plastic bag. i'm surprised when they say i'd have to pay for it, and the woman in the queue says, 'you ought to know that you pay for bags.'
'well lady, i don't live in the uk so forgive me if i don't know that'.

the next day i notice my legs are infected with some sort of strange red colouring upon the skins surface, it's not itchy or scratching but it is bizarre. a criss crossing of strange shapes bright blood red have formed like giraffe patterns all over my lower legs. everyone tells me i need to go to hospital. 
the intake officer quarantines me.
the doctor repeatedly asks if i am on drugs, he asks me the question over and over again, he asks me if i drink and won't believe me when i say i don't.
i get in a huge fight with my mother who seems to side with the doctor.
the upshot is i am on antibiotics and some other medication.  the doctor had no idea what was wrong but suggested the antibiotics to fill his quota so he can have a free holiday paid for by the pharmaceutical company. he also says my blood pressure is high, mmm, i think, yours would be if you had a stupid doctor repeatedly asking if you were a drug addict. i felt like telling him there was only one dealer of drugs in this room and it was not me. 
so i'm in recovery mode, trying to relax, resting my legs, and reading my book.        

Friday, July 07, 2017

countdown the days, the final program as heat is sucked from bones, birds struggle with flight and fish are in a state of deep freeze. my pond life is a solid state, my home life is a state solid. nothing can move in the permafrost of winter. even time is frozen. decay defeated in the snap freeze of the moment.

all we wanted was that frozen now, the naked breakfast, on a spork bending with natures psychokinesis. ever thought about that fraction of deep freeze. 
adversity is opportunity, as an old friend told me just before he died. he was incorrect, it's a chance at opportunity and if your well trained in some buddhist or magickal techniques a choice. 
my mind flies free. it weaves through time and space, it seeks and finds, but is never trapped, it is free from all these equations of physics and philosophy. through the needles eye we all pass, once in a lifetimes transmigrations. passing on with full consciousness, it's improbable but not impossible.    

Thursday, July 06, 2017

i wake up pretty early, it's still dark as i drive into the sunrise at terrible. it's intense colour, these winters days have a certain clarity, a sharpness about them. the definition of things becomes much clearer in winter light, less distractions. 
on the beach the sun shines across the water, each drop a crystallised future, quantum foam, no surf. a few swimmers out there pushing through the temperature, not me, i'm wrapped up in layers of warmth. the sun now eats through me, so good for my bones, my skin slightly burning, on days like these i feel alive. 
that's a good thing, as i take my breathes seriously. you never know when it's your last.

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

memory from yesteryear- outside i'm walking along one of those quaint english roads, where the houses are far to close to one another, where the width of the road is slim and narrow, where the some sort of strange soft blizzard falls, the trees have no leaves, just black frozen nerve endings meeting a dull grey sky today, the transmissions of a cities synaptic messages are dead ones, decay. nature suffers in the extremes, it's far to cold for polar bears and penguins, the city has it's own wildlife, the wild londoners, the gangs off ethnic tribes, the wailing police sirens, the old people in their rented rooms smothered in blankets as they fight winter in spring, old bones clasping a mug of tea that only has one direction to travel, colder. 
the fashionistas, the young good looking europian set, the glamorous, it's all here frozen in my moment as i walk through the scenery.
later i'm helping my mum shop, driving a small car around for her, the traffic is chaotic but we end up in some sort of massive supermarket, a hypermarket, my mother pushes a trolley around it talking to anyone who listens, and if they don't, to herself. i am attempting to help but my back injury makes movement impossible. 
i notice these shops are filled with unfamiliar products, and the familiar ones are very cheap, mangoes, here sell for much less than they do in australia (but they taste crap). how does that work? fish costs less?
there's a good range of products for vegetarians and vegans, there's a very good range of organic products and it's all really good quality, and cheap. australia we are being fucked over, free trade agreements, no competition and dumb politics has meant the customer looses out. i buy a book, and some dark chocolate from south america. the strange sleet gets heavier, falls harder, i drive back, i make garlic bread for my folks and swallow some painkillers.     

Tuesday, July 04, 2017

pull out my travelling bags, it's a mystery what i take, some reading matter. some swimming stuff, a few clothes. always travel light, never know what you will pick up in strange lands, amongst the natives. i was once given a big black stick in a village where a masai helped me. he said it would be good to carry in the city and as i wandered nairobi late at night it did indeed offer me protection, and a sort of profound confidence. no one dared approach me without respect. it was like i carried thor's hammer. i still have that black stick, along with several other strange things i have picked up on my journeys. 
mostly i return with books. as i get older my adventures become less intense and provocative. 
i notice the sun is up, no clouds or rain and the warmth nutrition feeds my bones. i wander down to my cafe and read the paper, it all seems so silly, like i am detached from it all now. watching absurdist theatre, acrobats and mesmerists. 
at least my coffee tastes good. 

Monday, July 03, 2017

hello winter my old enemy fighting from outside, penetration is your strategy. i got you figured out after years of australian resistance, a cultural anomaly, i need a russian girl to survive this year, nothing else would do but i would settle for a canadian  i need fur and whiskey, a fire burns. that's the long of short of it. i need some heat from a soft body that knows how to generate it. 
may have to escape from this and seek refuge someplace groovy.

Sunday, July 02, 2017

i often wonder what happened to the realians? remember them?
the last of the new age cults. 
i met a few realians at some palm beach parties, they were all very foxy older women, i was in my thirties but they must have been 40 or something, really successful switched on, actually come to think of it, very bourgeois. anyway they explained it all to me and although not as cerebral as scientology it did have the science fiction landscape of a great novel. 
i am always interested in the origins of these ideas, i would have enjoyed hanging out with crowley, heinlein, jack parsons and those guys. it was crowley who gave l. ron scientology, it was crowley's idea shared over a long lunch, he also gave that hack buckland a heads up for his witchcraft movement but discuss that with any witch and they deny it. 
raelism is different group, softer, liberated, hippy type stuff with a science fiction edge, cloning, extraterrestrials, the transference of consciousness mixed with a liberal dose of free love, positive vibrations, they kinda were really all waiting for the alien. whereas scientology was more of a process, healing etc but then at the higher levels again becomes science fiction. harder sci fi, technically a space opera, that bit is hubbards contribution being a science fiction writer. i would have focused more on the mystical, less science more fiction. just like organised religion but with an edge, i probably would have thrown in more sex. a religion based upon sex. now there's a novelty. 


Friday, June 30, 2017

the gig is over, my contract ends and with it a new change as i am unable due to some bureaucratic fuck up in my dept. to return to my unit. it is not surprising, the dept is abysmally dumb, filled with middle management who are just thugs, bullies, incompetent and brutal. in their trail lay hundreds of ruined lives and turmoil. i am a survivor, my deep trauma is in every atom of my being but i have always stood my ground and pushed back. i am an anomaly for them, they fear me.
the phone call comes late in the afternoon. i tell them that if i am moved from my current situation and have to deal with any new managers or staff with psychopathic behaviours towards me i will sue the dept. i add that given the biggest thug in the whole dept. is now the general manager i will not really raise my expectations.
then i am informed they have put me on speaker phone and the whole office has heard. 
later i get a call from my boss. he's okay, not part of the group thug mind. he says he will place me somewhere good. he does.
i receive my roster, big drop in hours and pay but lots more time. i figure time will be the resource i need for the next year so i can live with it plus surfing starts soon.
back at my work a woman tells me how a sexual assault was covered up a few years ago. she starts crying and sobbing and i tell her it's important she finishes telling me, which she does. i am not shocked, the number of people whom have been fucked over by this stupid dept.  grows every day. i have heard hundreds of stories from people. many people leave, some are damaged  some become drug addicts, alcoholics  some stay and just do no work at all which is why everything is fucked. all i can do is direct them to the online survey they are conducting and encourage them to be honest. one day there will be a royal commission and i will be there singing every single name of every single manager who fucked me over, in turn ruining the lives of my clients. 
i head home, the trauma bubbles away under the surface. these things  are heavy matters.   

Sunday, June 25, 2017

slow lazy weekend, i wander around with nicole and veronique rambling in a fluid kind of way through the crowds and hordes out celebrating the diversity day at our local beach. a black kid sings a stupid song to an empty seated arena, not one person stops and listens and to be honest it's a painful wailing modern pop song al la the voice. my head hurts and i have to move away but the girls want to enter the eye of the storm. 
the stalls all seem to have some sort of agenda, refugee groups, african food, south american music, indian jewellery. ironically veronique and i are the only exotic looking people in the crowd apart from a couple of dark skinned people. we wander over to the stand where a man is offering some south african bread for tasting. this is our national dish he proclaims. it's bland as fuck, i wouldn't eat it but in the interests of society i nod my head and offer various platitudes. 
an australian man obviously taken by veroniques attractive look moves in, 'where are you from?' he asks.
now i hate it when i am asked this, i only get asked this in australia where racism is so entrenched in the blood of it's left wing harmony groups they are able to be rascist while declaring it something they fight against. no one else cares where i am from, only fucking australians have to have an ethnocentric label so they can divide you into a tribe. idiots!
veronique and i have discussed this, we never get asked anywhere else but australia. i mention i have a strategy which shuts people up when i always answer, iceland. veronique says she always says bondi. 
we leave the beach and go find some healthy juice bar. nicole buys me lunch. 
the world is okay today. the winter sunshine is wonderful, blue skies, the birds are happy, i was in perfect harmony until the united nations fucked up everything with their stupid harmony day. 

Saturday, June 17, 2017

student: does the dog have a buddah nature ?
master : mu 

this reminds me of the schrodingers cat theory. neither alive or dead until observed. but the master says, much more. he say's it does not matter. who cares! 

it makes no difference if the dog has buddha nature or not, the cat is alive or dead, it does not matter and therefore mu means un-ask the question. there is no yes no answer. one's mind must move from simple binary answers to some other form of intuition or awareness.  
often the master will answer the question with a yes, or sometimes a no. but the answer is really mu.
so unless you look inside the box and see the cat, it is a pointless question with no answer. 
these zen monks were pretty smart.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

first week ends thankfully, i'm fucking exhausted. i have so much to do but first i have to save my fish again as i noticed the pond is almost empty. there's some weird things going on, my gate is broken at the side of the house and it looks really damaged as if forced open. the pond empty could be just the stream being clogged with leaves so i don't add that to my suspicions but when i enter the house the tv is on, and there are a pile of leaves on my rug. 
everything is secure so i can't understand what has happened but, weird things happen.
i have a weekend to myself, going to do some hard core reading and laundry. i have just finished 'the frozen dead' and 'a song for drowned souls' by bernard minier which are excellent french detective novels. 
i finally got hold of another copy of the book i left in the cinema 'dark matter' by blake couch, i only had about 20 pages left to read so i can now say i read the book. not sure if i liked the ending but it was a good idea and food for thought.
i also read my first chuck wendig 'invasive' which i felt was a bit similar to micheal crichton in style and story, not really my cup of chia.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

australia could have once been the clever country, now, it is just the dumbest i think. a dumb county run by dummies, for dummies. yes, i am a dummy. so are you if you so wipe that smirk off yer face. 
we are all dummies as we put up with it. the fucking corruption that flows through every single institution in australia is appalling, it's so toxic that eventually the only way to beat them is to join them. 
our political system is a tool of the chinese communist party, it's so fucking broken we need a revolution more than ever, not a dumb one either but one where we just start making good rational choices.  every issue should be judged on merit not through ideological lenses. this sort of thinking takes us backwards. 
people use the word vision a lot but there is no vision, even the greens have no vision just the same old fucking tribal shit dressed up in a strange weird united nations of beniton advert with political correctness spilling from it's brainless drivil. they have to be the most conformist party out there, dare not think outside the un agendas. 
all these parties are more obsessed with control. the liberals are about being controlled by economics and controlling economics, labour is about being controlled by unions and controlling the workers while spending their fees on strippers and champagne and bourgeois things (is craig thompson in jail?) 
the greens are controlled by cookie cutter ideology straight from university of brainwashing and they would like to brainwash you.
personally i would just not vote anyone until they get the message. do not vote! we should never encourage these people. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

first day of a three week contract, the gig is tricky but the guys all like me so that's an advantage. gotta get through this week and it's been tricky, lots of dramas from women with to much time on their hands. to much unfinished business they wanna drag me into old dramas. i have to navigate this madness plus work with some very difficult clients. oh well old captain mission just has to take one day at a time. day one over.
the old polish woman seems happy and sad, she occasionally burst into tears, she occasionally laughs, but one thing is certain she has no idea what to make of me. weather to hug me or knife me. she knifed me last time, i think she feels some remorse for her actions. 
this time she's spilling her guts, sharing her secrets, full disclosure. i joke around with her, she's okay i guess but you can never tell really can ya. 
people are tricky animals, can't say i think highly of them at all. i used to but these days i'm to switched on to agendas and ulterior motives, it's dog eat dog only most dogs are pretty cool, so let's stick with zombie eat zombie.
faith in the future? not me, i'm roger waters without the anti semitism, i'm much more democratic in my prejudice  i'm anti everything.  
maybe it will pass soon but i doubt it.

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

let's talk about trump, earlier i mentioned i don't actually have a problem with him. i know i would loose most of my readers and friends over this but it must be said and i will try to explain why i rather have trump in there than almost anyone else. i did like bernie, he was genuine but he's a socialist and globalist which makes me feel he would fall under the united nations agenda. (have you heard hillary's speech to the goldman sachs people) ironically bernie has similar policies to trump, and they have more in common that separates which is why the republicans hate trump as well. 
so trump. the circuit breaker. firstly i agree he is a sexist, can't speak very well, has no wit, style or qualities for diplomacy. however, for me it's not about trump at all, it's about the way his opponents react to him.
the media, the commentators, the fucking internet, the democrats, the washington elite, the governments of europe. it's actually quite refreshing to have someone be hated like this in this day an age when islamofascists are held up as heroes, appeased and made excuses for. when anyone with an opposing view is demonised, killed or humiliated. 
the other great issue i have is the double standards of the left, be it from the false feminists to the pro obama / clinton people who never once mentioned the corruption of the democrats. 
people need to understand why trump won, he won because people rather have a moron like him than the elite idiots who have sold them out at every chance they get. his supporters know he is a buffoon  they know he's a tv reality star who has no right in the office but his opponents are such moral cowards and crooks it's better to have him there. 
drain the swamp. 
that's a three word slogan i fucking respect, i just wish all people understood the importance of doing that. 
as far as the left go, you are now more right wing than ever, you block free speech, you don't allow people to have an opposing difference, you push the agenda not the issue, your enslaved to ideals so much they enslave you. 
and if you are not convinced, pretty soon the truth will come out about seth rich and that is no conspiracy theory! 

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

bob dylan's speech

When I first received this Nobel Prize for Literature, I got to wondering exactly how my songs related to literature. I wanted to reflect on it and see where the connection was. I'm going to try to articulate that to you. And most likely it will go in a roundabout way, but I hope what I say will be worthwhile and purposeful.
If I was to go back to the dawning of it all, I guess I'd have to start with Buddy Holly. Buddy died when I was about eighteen and he was twenty-two. From the moment I first heard him, I felt akin. I felt related, like he was an older brother. I even thought I resembled him. Buddy played the music that I loved – the music I grew up on: country western, rock ‘n' roll, and rhythm and blues. Three separate strands of music that he intertwined and infused into one genre. One brand. And Buddy wrote songs – songs that had beautiful melodies and imaginative verses. And he sang great – sang in more than a few voices. He was the archetype. Everything I wasn't and wanted to be. I saw him only but once, and that was a few days before he was gone. I had to travel a hundred miles to get to see him play, and I wasn't disappointed. 
He was powerful and electrifying and had a commanding presence. I was only six feet away. He was mesmerizing. I watched his face, his hands, the way he tapped his foot, his big black glasses, the eyes behind the glasses, the way he held his guitar, the way he stood, his neat suit. Everything about him. He looked older than twenty-two. Something about him seemed permanent, and he filled me with conviction. Then, out of the blue, the most uncanny thing happened. He looked me right straight dead in the eye, and he transmitted something. Something I didn't know what. And it gave me the chills.
I think it was a day or two after that that his plane went down. And somebody – somebody I'd never seen before – handed me a Leadbelly record with the song "Cottonfields" on it. And that record changed my life right then and there. Transported me into a world I'd never known. It was like an explosion went off. Like I'd been walking in darkness and all of the sudden the darkness was illuminated. It was like somebody laid hands on me. I must have played that record a hundred times. 
It was on a label I'd never heard of with a booklet inside with advertisements for other artists on the label: Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee, the New Lost City Ramblers, Jean Ritchie, string bands. I'd never heard of any of them. But I reckoned if they were on this label with Leadbelly, they had to be good, so I needed to hear them. I wanted to know all about it and play that kind of music. I still had a feeling for the music I'd grown up with, but for right now, I forgot about it. Didn't even think about it. For the time being, it was long gone.
I hadn't left home yet, but I couldn't wait to. I wanted to learn this music and meet the people who played it. Eventually, I did leave, and I did learn to play those songs. They were different than the radio songs that I'd been listening to all along. They were more vibrant and truthful to life. With radio songs, a performer might get a hit with a roll of the dice or a fall of the cards, but that didn't matter in the folk world. Everything was a hit. All you had to do was be well versed and be able to play the melody. Some of these songs were easy, some not. I had a natural feeling for the ancient ballads and country blues, but everything else I had to learn from scratch. I was playing for small crowds, sometimes no more than four or five people in a room or on a street corner. You had to have a wide repertoire, and you had to know what to play and when. Some songs were intimate, some you had to shout to be heard. 
By listening to all the early folk artists and singing the songs yourself, you pick up the vernacular. You internalize it. You sing it in the ragtime blues, work songs, Georgia sea shanties, Appalachian ballads and cowboy songs. You hear all the finer points, and you learn the details.
You know what it's all about. Takin' the pistol out and puttin' it back in your pocket. Whippin' your way through traffic, talkin' in the dark. You know that Stagger Lee was a bad man and that Frankie was a good girl. You know that Washington is a bourgeois town and you've heard the deep-pitched voice of John the Revelator and you saw the Titanic sink in a boggy creek. And you're pals with the wild Irish rover and the wild colonial boy. You heard the muffled drums and the fifes that played lowly. You've seen the lusty Lord Donald stick a knife in his wife, and a lot of your comrades have been wrapped in white linen.
I had all the vernacular all down. I knew the rhetoric. None of it went over my head – the devices, the techniques, the secrets, the mysteries – and I knew all the deserted roads that it traveled on, too. I could make it all connect and move with the current of the day. When I started writing my own songs, the folk lingo was the only vocabulary that I knew, and I used it. 
But I had something else as well. I had principals and sensibilities and an informed view of the world. And I had had that for a while. Learned it all in grammar school. Don QuixoteIvanhoeRobinson Crusoe, Gulliver's TravelsTale of Two Cities, all the rest – typical grammar school reading that gave you a way of looking at life, an understanding of human nature, and a standard to measure things by. I took all that with me when I started composing lyrics. And the themes from those books worked their way into many of my songs, either knowingly or unintentionally. I wanted to write songs unlike anything anybody ever heard, and these themes were fundamental. 
Specific books that have stuck with me ever since I read them way back in grammar school – I want to tell you about three of them: Moby Dick, All Quiet on the Western Front and The Odyssey.

Moby Dick is a fascinating book, a book that's filled with scenes of high drama and dramatic dialogue. The book makes demands on you. The plot is straightforward. The mysterious Captain Ahab – captain of a ship called the Pequod –  an egomaniac with a peg leg pursuing his nemesis, the great white whale Moby Dick who took his leg. And he pursues him all the way from the Atlantic around the tip of Africa and into the Indian Ocean. He pursues the whale around both sides of the earth. It's an abstract goal, nothing concrete or definite. He calls Moby the emperor, sees him as the embodiment of evil. Ahab's got a wife and child back in Nantucket that he reminisces about now and again. You can anticipate what will happen. 
The ship's crew is made up of men of different races, and any one of them who sights the whale will be given the reward of a gold coin. A lot of Zodiac symbols, religious allegory, stereotypes. Ahab encounters other whaling vessels, presses the captains for details about Moby. Have they seen him? There's a crazy prophet, Gabriel, on one of the vessels, and he predicts Ahab's doom. Says Moby is the incarnate of a Shaker god, and that any dealings with him will lead to disaster. He says that to Captain Ahab. Another ship's captain – Captain Boomer – he lost an arm to Moby. But he tolerates that, and he's happy to have survived. He can't accept Ahab's lust for vengeance.
This book tells how different men react in different ways to the same experience. A lot of Old Testament, biblical allegory: Gabriel, Rachel, Jeroboam, Bildah, Elijah. Pagan names as well: Tashtego, Flask, Daggoo, Fleece, Starbuck, Stubb, Martha's Vineyard. The Pagans are idol worshippers. Some worship little wax figures, some wooden figures. Some worship fire. The Pequod is the name of an Indian tribe. 
Moby Dick is a seafaring tale. One of the men, the narrator, says, "Call me Ishmael." Somebody asks him where he's from, and he says, "It's not down on any map. True places never are." Stubb gives no significance to anything, says everything is predestined. Ishmael's been on a sailing ship his entire life. Calls the sailing ships his Harvard and Yale. He keeps his distance from people. 
A typhoon hits the Pequod. Captain Ahab thinks it's a good omen. Starbuck thinks it's a bad omen, considers killing Ahab. As soon as the storm ends, a crewmember falls from the ship's mast and drowns, foreshadowing what's to come. A Quaker pacifist priest, who is actually a bloodthirsty businessman, tells Flask, "Some men who receive injuries are led to God, others are led to bitterness."
Everything is mixed in. All the myths: the Judeo Christian bible, Hindu myths, British legends, Saint George, Perseus, Hercules – they're all whalers. Greek mythology, the gory business of cutting up a whale. Lots of facts in this book, geographical knowledge, whale oil – good for coronation of royalty – noble families in the whaling industry. Whale oil is used to anoint the kings. History of the whale, phrenology, classical philosophy, pseudo-scientific theories, justification for discrimination – everything thrown in and none of it hardly rational. Highbrow, lowbrow, chasing illusion, chasing death, the great white whale, white as polar bear, white as a white man, the emperor, the nemesis, the embodiment of evil. The demented captain who actually lost his leg years ago trying to attack Moby with a knife. 
We see only the surface of things. We can interpret what lies below any way we see fit. Crewmen walk around on deck listening for mermaids, and sharks and vultures follow the ship. Reading skulls and faces like you read a book. Here's a face. I'll put it in front of you. Read it if you can.
Tashtego says that he died and was reborn. His extra days are a gift. He wasn't saved by Christ, though, he says he was saved by a fellow man and a non-Christian at that. He parodies the resurrection. 
When Starbuck tells Ahab that he should let bygones be bygones, the angry captain snaps back, "Speak not to me of blasphemy, man, I'd strike the sun if it insulted me." Ahab, too, is a poet of eloquence. He says, "The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails whereon my soul is grooved to run."  Or these lines, "All visible objects are but pasteboard masks." Quotable poetic phrases that can't be beat.  
Finally, Ahab spots Moby, and the harpoons come out. Boats are lowered. Ahab's harpoon has been baptized in blood. Moby attacks Ahab's boat and destroys it. Next day, he sights Moby again. Boats are lowered again. Moby attacks Ahab's boat again. On the third day, another boat goes in. More religious allegory. He has risen. Moby attacks one more time, ramming the Pequod and sinking it. Ahab gets tangled up in the harpoon lines and is thrown out of his boat into a watery grave.
Ishmael survives. He's in the sea floating on a coffin. And that's about it. That's the whole story. That theme and all that it implies would work its way into more than a few of my songs.

All Quiet on the Western Front was another book that did. All Quiet on the Western Front is a horror story. This is a book where you lose your childhood, your faith in a meaningful world, and your concern for individuals. You're stuck in a nightmare. Sucked up into a mysterious whirlpool of death and pain. You're defending yourself from elimination. You're being wiped off the face of the map. Once upon a time you were an innocent youth with big dreams about being a concert pianist. Once you loved life and the world, and now you're shooting it to pieces.
Day after day, the hornets bite you and worms lap your blood. You're a cornered animal. You don't fit anywhere. The falling rain is monotonous. There's endless assaults, poison gas, nerve gas, morphine, burning streams of gasoline, scavenging and scabbing for food, influenza, typhus, dysentery. Life is breaking down all around you, and the shells are whistling. This is the lower region of hell. Mud, barbed wire, rat-filled trenches, rats eating the intestines of dead men, trenches filled with filth and excrement. Someone shouts, "Hey, you there. Stand and fight." 
Who knows how long this mess will go on? Warfare has no limits. You're being annihilated, and that leg of yours is bleeding too much. You killed a man yesterday, and you spoke to his corpse. You told him after this is over, you'll spend the rest of your life looking after his family. Who's profiting here? The leaders and the generals gain fame, and many others profit financially. But you're doing the dirty work. One of your comrades says, "Wait a minute, where are you going?" And you say, "Leave me alone, I'll be back in a minute." Then you walk out into the woods of death hunting for a piece of sausage. You can't see how anybody in civilian life has any kind of purpose at all. All their worries, all their desires – you can't comprehend it. 
More machine guns rattle, more parts of bodies hanging from wires, more pieces of arms and legs and skulls where butterflies perch on teeth, more hideous wounds, pus coming out of every pore, lung wounds, wounds too big for the body, gas-blowing cadavers, and dead bodies making retching noises. Death is everywhere. Nothing else is possible. Someone will kill you and use your dead body for target practice. Boots, too. They're your prized possession. But soon they'll be on somebody else's feet. 
There's Froggies coming through the trees. Merciless bastards. Your shells are running out. "It's not fair to come at us again so soon," you say. One of your companions is laying in the dirt, and you want to take him to the field hospital. Someone else says, "You might save yourself a trip." "What do you mean?" "Turn him over, you'll see what I mean." 
You wait to hear the news. You don't understand why the war isn't over. The army is so strapped for replacement troops that they're drafting young boys who are of little military use, but they're draftin' ‘em anyway because they're running out of men. Sickness and humiliation have broken your heart. You were betrayed by your parents, your schoolmasters, your ministers, and even your own government.
The general with the slowly smoked cigar betrayed you too – turned you into a thug and a murderer. If you could, you'd put a bullet in his face. The commander as well. You fantasize that if you had the money, you'd put up a reward for any man who would take his life by any means necessary. And if he should lose his life by doing that, then let the money go to his heirs. The colonel, too, with his caviar and his coffee – he's another one. Spends all his time in the officers' brothel. You'd like to see him stoned dead too. More Tommies and Johnnies with their whack fo' me daddy-o and their whiskey in the jars. You kill twenty of ‘em and twenty more will spring up in their place. It just stinks in your nostrils.
You've come to despise that older generation that sent you out into this madness, into this torture chamber. All around you, your comrades are dying. Dying from abdominal wounds, double amputations, shattered hipbones, and you think, "I'm only twenty years old, but I'm capable of killing anybody. Even my father if he came at me." 

Yesterday, you tried to save a wounded messenger dog, and somebody shouted, "Don't be a fool." One Froggy is laying gurgling at your feet. You stuck him with a dagger in his stomach, but the man still lives. You know you should finish the job, but you can't. You're on the real iron cross, and a Roman soldier's putting a sponge of vinegar to your lips. 
Months pass by. You go home on leave. You can't communicate with your father. He said, "You'd be a coward if you don't enlist." Your mother, too, on your way back out the door, she says, "You be careful of those French girls now." More madness. You fight for a week or a month, and you gain ten yards. And then the next month it gets taken back. 
All that culture from a thousand years ago, that philosophy, that wisdom – Plato, Aristotle, Socrates – what happened to it?  It should have prevented this. Your thoughts turn homeward. And once again you're a schoolboy walking through the tall poplar trees. It's a pleasant memory. More bombs dropping on you from blimps. You got to get it together now. You can't even look at anybody for fear of some miscalculable thing that might happen. The common grave. There are no other possibilities. 
Then you notice the cherry blossoms, and you see that nature is unaffected by all this. Poplar trees, the red butterflies, the fragile beauty of flowers, the sun – you see how nature is indifferent to it all. All the violence and suffering of all mankind. Nature doesn't even notice it.
You're so alone. Then a piece of shrapnel hits the side of your head and you're dead.
You've been ruled out, crossed out. You've been exterminated. I put this book down and closed it up. I never wanted to read another war novel again, and I never did.
Charlie Poole from North Carolina had a song that connected to all this. It's called "You Ain't Talkin' to Me," and the lyrics go like this:
I saw a sign in a window walking up town one day. 
Join the army, see the world is what it had to say. 
You'll see exciting places with a jolly crew, 
You'll meet interesting people, and learn to kill them too.
Oh you ain't talkin' to me, you ain't talking to me.
I may be crazy and all that, but I got good sense you see.
You ain't talkin' to me, you ain't talkin' to me.
Killin' with a gun don't sound like fun. 
You ain't talkin' to me.

The Odyssey is a great book whose themes have worked its way into the ballads of a lot of songwriters: "Homeward Bound, "Green, Green Grass of Home," "Home on the Range," and my songs as well.
The Odyssey is a strange, adventurous tale of a grown man trying to get home after fighting in a war. He's on that long journey home, and it's filled with traps and pitfalls. He's cursed to wander. He's always getting carried out to sea, always having close calls. Huge chunks of boulders rock his boat. He angers people he shouldn't. There's troublemakers in his crew. Treachery. His men are turned into pigs and then are turned back into younger, more handsome men. He's always trying to rescue somebody. He's a travelin' man, but he's making a lot of stops.
He's stranded on a desert island. He finds deserted caves, and he hides in them. He meets giants that say, "I'll eat you last." And he escapes from giants. He's trying to get back home, but he's tossed and turned by the winds. Restless winds, chilly winds, unfriendly winds. He travels far, and then he gets blown back.
He's always being warned of things to come. Touching things he's told not to. There's two roads to take, and they're both bad. Both hazardous. On one you could drown and on the other you could starve. He goes into the narrow straits with foaming whirlpools that swallow him. Meets six-headed monsters with sharp fangs. Thunderbolts strike at him. Overhanging branches that he makes a leap to reach for to save himself from a raging river. Goddesses and gods protect him, but some others want to kill him. He changes identities. He's exhausted. He falls asleep, and he's woken up by the sound of laughter. He tells his story to strangers. He's been gone twenty years. He was carried off somewhere and left there. Drugs have been dropped into his wine. It's been a hard road to travel. 
In a lot of ways, some of these same things have happened to you. You too have had drugs dropped into your wine. You too have shared a bed with the wrong woman. You too have been spellbound by magical voices, sweet voices with strange melodies. You too have come so far and have been so far blown back. And you've had close calls as well. You have angered people you should not have. And you too have rambled this country all around. And you've also felt that ill wind, the one that blows you no good. And that's still not all of it. 
When he gets back home, things aren't any better. Scoundrels have moved in and are taking advantage of his wife's hospitality. And there's too many of ‘em. And though he's greater than them all and the best at everything – best carpenter, best hunter, best expert on animals, best seaman – his courage won't save him, but his trickery will.
All these stragglers will have to pay for desecrating his palace. He'll disguise himself as a filthy beggar, and a lowly servant kicks him down the steps with arrogance and stupidity. The servant's arrogance revolts him, but he controls his anger. He's one against a hundred, but they'll all fall, even the strongest. He was nobody. And when it's all said and done, when he's home at last, he sits with his wife, and he tells her the stories. 

So what does it all mean? Myself and a lot of other songwriters have been influenced by these very same themes. And they can mean a lot of different things. If a song moves you, that's all that's important. I don't have to know what a song means. I've written all kinds of things into my songs. And I'm not going to worry about it – what it all means. When Melville put all his old testament, biblical references, scientific theories, Protestant doctrines, and all that knowledge of the sea and sailing ships and whales into one story, I don't think he would have worried about it either – what it all means.
John Donne as well, the poet-priest who lived in the time of Shakespeare, wrote these words, "The Sestos and Abydos of her breasts. Not of two lovers, but two loves, the nests." I don't know what it means, either. But it sounds good. And you want your songs to sound good.
When Odysseus in The Odyssey visits the famed warrior Achilles in the underworld – Achilles, who traded a long life full of peace and contentment for a short one full of honor and glory –  tells Odysseus it was all a mistake. "I just died, that's all." There was no honor. No immortality. And that if he could, he would choose to go back and be a lowly slave to a tenant farmer on Earth rather than be what he is – a king in the land of the dead – that whatever his struggles of life were, they were preferable to being here in this dead place. 
That's what songs are too. Our songs are alive in the land of the living. But songs are unlike literature. They're meant to be sung, not read. The words in Shakespeare's plays were meant to be acted on the stage. Just as lyrics in songs are meant to be sung, not read on a page. And I hope some of you get the chance to listen to these lyrics the way they were intended to be heard: in concert or on record or however people are listening to songs these days. I return once again to Homer, who says, "Sing in me, oh Muse, and through me tell the story."