Sunday, March 17, 2024

in the old days before babel man could speak to all beasts, the communication was elegant and almost telepathic in nature. once has to also accept a lot of nuance is non verbal anyways but most beasts had a face and faces are easy to read in communications. 
over the decades i have found i am able o speak with large spiders. this is a strange thing indeed as i am very nervous around them however after the initial shock of discovering a huntsman or tarantula in my home i manage to calm down and work out a strategy on how to live with the beast.
the usual one is a pact.
the spider can stay as long as it either keeps out of my way or checks in with me to show where it may lurk so that there are no big surprises. 
this seems to work to some extent and over decades has proved successful.
about two months ago i was greeted by a huge tarantula in my bathroom at about two am after flicking on the light. it was motionless upon the wall. the size of it was frightening, it was straight out of the amazon, the size of my hand and very hairy and a deep brown colour. i was petrified at first but refused to give into the vacuum cleaner stratagem, or the plastic box and a vinyl record, run to the garden trick. i just didn't want this spider anywhere near me, no matter what protection stood between us. besides these types of spiders are very good for housecleaning.
so the pact was made. 
and it has lasted two months.  

Friday, March 15, 2024

the angry sea exonerates me as it spits me out, somewhat battered after a wild encounter with it's undercurrents, mammoth waves and chaotic nature. i stagger back towards the shore looking around me i realise i am the only single person who is in the surf. i knew i wouldn't catch any waves but i just needed to wake up and get wet.

later i bump into my friend monique who is off to meditate upon her next painting. i see her art around the town, it's really good, part fairy, nature and spirals, always white and snow like. we chat about the surf, she's already been in. monique swims every day, she's quite the dolphin and a much better swimmer than i. her friend peter is also an amazing swimmer, he's also my chiropractor. after my swims i always enjoy chatting with them and laughing, these mornings have been very nice lately, as we flirt from subject to subject. i like their politics, almost in alignment with my own. 

back home i watch douglas murrey on you tube, possibly the most intelligent political commentator at the moment. he gets about and few dare challenge his arguments for fear of being humiliated i guess. later some joe rogan, dan borngonnio and a documentary about aliens. between books i can't decide what to read next, choice paralysis as my piscean nature kicks in, it's a very tricky process. in the old days i would just grab something and start reading it, but now the whole thing causes me endless anxiety. i guess it's tied up with time and mortality. as i age i understand time is finite subjectively, therefore i want to saviour it and not waste so much of it reading second rate stuff, although nothing around me is really second rate. it's just priority.

later i do some boxing, half hour of intense movements and channelling anger. it's good but in the heat i find myself exhausted and covered in sweat. where's that ocean i think, ironically.

Monday, March 11, 2024


half way through the plant hunter and it's a great read so far as it follows harry compton's search for a mysterious icicle tree.

from the old kings road in chelsea  across half the world to deepest china. it has all the makings of a classic. a hapless hero with nothing to loose, on the run and chased by unscrupulous dealers. it has an ocean voyage, loads of information about rare plants and the opium wars. i'm about half way through and love it. it's a classic english adventure for adults. harry has just sealed a deal with a young widow and together they embark upon a voyage up the yangtze river, pursuing the plant that would transform both their lives. 

Sunday, March 10, 2024

around noon i remember i have a free ticket to the mind body spirit festival so i jump into the hybrid and catch a train, (only it's a bus as there is track work) into darling harbour. the bus turns out to be non stop so it's actually faster. i read a big chunk of my new book which is rather good so far. 

darling harbour has changed quite a lot since last time i pottered about there, it's packed with tourists and people eating ice creams, there's a huge commotion near a big stage as i have to navigate the crowds, there's awful music and signs written in alien languages, and as i pass by i see it is some sort of festival celebrating serbian culture. a big stage suddenly fills up with people in traditional serbian outfits and some horrible music blasts out ruining the perfect summer day, as i quicken my pace and head to the conference centre.

inside mind body there is no spirit, it's just your corporate like, small business stuff catching up and cashing in with the public. crystals meet hyper-vibrational machines, nutrition, organic supplements and tarot cards. retreats for yoga, meditation and exotic spa weekends. i've only been there five minites and i'm bored. the only stall i find interesting is a feather stall where i manage to get some lovely feathers for my hair. i do chat to a few people, all are very complementary, 'you have a nice energy,' they all say. cynical me, just sees it as part of their sales pitch. i nibble on some very nice new zealand olives, some amazing cocoa beans and drink various herbals, it's all very civilised and dull. i sleip away and make for the japanese bookshop where at least my brain can awaken.  now, todays book hual is rather excellent, 'paul of dune' an in between novel that is to fill the 12 year gap between book one and two, i get some new don winslow crime novels, and a stanislaw lem collection of short stories. as i make my way to the cash register i pick up another book of short stories by leannora carrington. 

somewhere along the way someone asks me the date and as i tell them i remember today is my birthday, yep. all in all it's not a bad day i think as i wait for the bus home. 

Saturday, March 09, 2024


if you think you know almost all there is to know about david bowie, this is a great book. it really surprised me with it's fresh new information about his connections to people and attached gossip. i read it in about two days, it's not difficult and leaves you hungering for more as you plough your way through davids relationships with the famous and infamous. there's some great stories in here,  and some really surprising events that were new to me. did you know it was bowie taught micheal jackson to moonwalk! it's so weird, yet useless information, the type i find fascinating and easy to store in my bowie trivia filled brain. anyways i really liked this one.  

Thursday, March 07, 2024

dune part two. i'd have preferred the whole dune story in one massive 15 hour orgy of film but i understand it's a complex story and perhaps people need time to follow it and process the many aspects within it's narrative. 
it really is the best science fiction novel written, therefore there is no reason why it can't be one of the best films, and it certainly could be, given the next episodes match the first two. i enjoyed dune part two, it was perfect and spectacular. the sound was amazing, far improved than the first which was a little bombastic for my tastes. i particularly liked the lighting, although i wanted more from the sandworm scenes, a little more detail and there's one part where the sandworms are being ridden into battle by fremen and it does look kind of ridiculous. however that is a minor criticism. i love the way the harkonen scenes are so contrasty, at one point the film becomes black and white, and i love the fyad character played by austin butler (elvis) who is going to be the next big thing. the fight scene between him and paul is basically the template off how fight scenes like this need to be filmed, it's incredible. but the story itself is remarkable as it totally inverts the usual storyline of the hero, although it will be in the next film this becomes obvious, the seeds are sown in this one. 
at the conclusion when paul calls for 'holy war' (jihad) you can begin to see how the story will take a sharp turn. 
well worth seeing on a big screen, just for the soundtrack. i must admit i would have liked subtitles as i missed some of the dialogue being somewhat deaf but all in all, fantastic stuff. 

Sunday, March 03, 2024

zone of interest
by
the deep fix

there's a chronic rift
a schism
it's not quite a hole
or a void unfilled
or any other ism

welcome friend
enemy
you are no guest
don't come in
to the zone of interest.

bones turns to dust
it's the season in hell
not quite winter
but you can't tell 
in the image of man

come on in
unfamiliar stranger
but do not rest
when you find yourself in
this zone of interest










Friday, March 01, 2024

strange dream. 

it's london, i'm getting a lift with an old friend martin, we are going to a music event but first he has to go off to a doctors. we are driving in a beaten up old van, which rolls up into a driveway, one story clinic into which martin disappears. later we get to the event, out friends are there, everyone preparing for the competition. we have been told to bring our own lunch, everything is packed away into a big cupboard. the event finishes, i somehow get locked in the room and miss my spot but later everyone returns, we begin to pack up. i have not eaten and go looking for my lunch. it's gone but a couple of non english girls point me towards a high cupboard filled with chocolate. the girls are laughing as i say i can't eat it and they grab it themselves. eventually i discover my lunch has been stolen. then the girls follow me around and we return to the area martin is. martin flirts with one of the girls, as we prepare to leave. they follow us out to the van, we say goodbye. martin drops me off outside my place. i enter and fall asleep. i awake in the night to hear heavy rainfall. the phone rings, a mysterious voice tells me he likes my music and wants to release a few albums with me, he asks me to send him some stuff. he's quite a big, well known dude but is in a rush so when i ask him what address he can;t make up his mind. while he keeps me on the line i hear a crash from the lounge, it's huge followed by a gush of water. i have to wait for the address and then hang up, run down the steps to see a hole in my roof, water everywhere. i'm puzzled as there used to be a huge white fluffy rug there but it's missing instead a spray of shattered glass and my fave bowie picture ripped and partly soaking wet. half is still in the frame. i follow the glass into another room where another rug is missing and the room trashed. i run out the door feeling confused and angry. 

i wake up, it's about 30 mins before dawn. everything is where it should be. i feel stupid checking but the dream was so real and vivid, so detailed i carried it with me into my waking state.

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

bad news piles up upon bad news, like a pile up car crash on the motorway, in the rain, my teeth are smashed in, i'd like to say i got in a bar fight defending the honour of some girl who was being harassed by a radical band of extreme feminists or chinese agents of the cpp, but the truth is they were knocked out by a hospital camera that was halfway down my neck spying upon my heart which was failing it's duty to dance to the rhythm of life. anyways,  i have a row of missing teeth on my lower jaw. 

i returned to the dental clinic within the hospital yesterday for an investigative look at what kind of repair they would offer me, and the sad news is dentures. the kind your granny puts in a fizzy glass when she goes to bed. it's depressing.

anyways i looked into alternatives and the big one out there are implants but apparently you need a good bone within the gum to screw them into, and i have receding gums so that's me fucked. the next big challenge is in order to have the implants they will have to put cow bone into my jaw to act as a platform.  all this would cost around $50-$60 grand. that's basically my super which can be used for medical emergencies.

when i look back upon things i wish i had listened to all those ex girlfriends who warned me to stop smoking weed because of the chocolate i was scoffing down after in lieu of a nice carrot stick,  or the luxurious ice cream i gorged upon in my munchie fever instead of a nice green juice or some steamed vegetables.  ah well as soon as i fix that time machine...

decline in health is inevitable as i age, my friends age as well and we are all suffering form some ailment or the other. i gotta get thing in perspective here, i have my heart working and although it's taken a few blows and probably not quite as sharp as it could be my mind and brain are reasonable so together with my vital organs i guess i am lucky. i seem to recall a life when i was confined to some sort of iron lung, the morphine just outta reach...

i figure as soon as i start loosing my marbles and can't read a book or listen to an audio book i'm cashing in my chips. i don't wanna hang around in a badly designed body, if i were a dalek in pure form i could see the sense in encasing oneself in a metal type of robotic like shell. i must admit they could have used a better designer. i guess modern examples would be yer typical android shape. i don't know if i would make a good android, and then there's a whole bunch of new challenges like computer viruses, rust type illness. i mean an android has to look after itself just like a human. perhaps the only solution we have is to download consciousness into a computer simulation, but then one could argue that's exactly what we are. five to one baby, one in five. no one here get's out...

gotta keep laughing at it all. really what else is there to do, laughter is the best medicine.

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

down the street at the beach, heavy rainfall yet people surf, i watch the waves, the ocean is contemplative today as it's dark surface moves in gentle rhythm and harmony, despite the atrocious weather. i wander to the little cafe, where i meet with the dolphin people. we discuss many things, from artificial intelligence to colloidal silver to the joys of weed. it's short conversation as everyone had health appointments but it was quality. now it really is back to mission control to gather my thoughts as i walk into hospital yet again, this time the dental clinic. a nightmare indeed, i hope they give me loads of drugs.

Monday, February 26, 2024

lazy sunday, i'm up early wondering what to do with my day off, it's nice outside and i'm pulled in many directions, mostly pretty mundane and unexciting, i could do my washing, tidy the garden up, catch a train to the japanese bookshop, go hunting second hand shops for rare science fiction books, i could get stoned and turn up simple mind's 'reel to reel' while i write more bullshit or i could bake a cake. all these weird ideas float through my mind with a sort of non enthusiasm you find in these post jab years, i don't know it's a sunday.

then agent wilde rings to ask if i am not doing anything would i like to go to newcastle, to see sk play in a matinee performance at 1500. well i didn't have to think to hard, the muscle memory kicks into action and i almost say 'yes' before she has finished asking. i suggest i catch a train and meet her at newcastle but she invites me for a road trip with ryissa and offers to pick me up. this means i can smoke a spliff, have a drink and relax without the stress of trains, getting home and police intervention.

as we drive down the freeway in a lovely big sofa car, we chat about stuff, and  it's mostly hilarious. two things stand out. one is ryissa is a very incredible mimic, she impersonated all the characters from 'the league of gentlemen' with perfect accent and authentic accents. hearing her i was immediately cast back to the show, which we both agreed was the darkest comedy ever made. a blend of horror and comedy, often one was the same as the other, and you as a viewer were left shocked at the bizarre nature of what you were watching. 

the other thing was agent wilde finally giving me an answer to a question i had been asking for 30 years. in the uk when i was living at home with my parents we watched a documentary called QED and the initials stood for something latin that when translated meant, 'question everything...' but i could never recall what the d stood for.
agent wilde said in conversation always remember qed, question everything done!'
i was so taken aback by this missing jigsaw piece, the final one after such a long time, i was almost shocked. the girls thought this was funny but i couldn't begin to express just how much that meant to me. it's something that has puzzled me for so long and numerous attempts to uncover it ended in failure. 

it was a lovely journey to newcastle and great to spend time with such special people. i don't know many people but it was really lovely to feel like i had friends, real friends. thank you to both of them.

i arrived in newcastle feeling happy, it was refreshing for a change, this horrid cloud of bleakness had lifted and newcastle looked very interesting, new development and buildings, lost of cool people everywhere. the venue was in an industrial area, very nice place, lots of space, a distillery where they made gin. 
we met with sk and rachel who as usual were welcoming and busy doing their things, setting up and soundchecks. sk offered me his fave strain of weed, something called silver woman er it could be silver witch or silver something, i know it's not silver wizard. however it was recommended by a man who i imagine knows his weed. and let me just say here and now...sk has given me so much in my life. i know it's a clique and boring but soundtrack to my life, an appreciation of  words in songs, myths, the amazing music, the art, the exposure to him as a human and not rock god and the all round general bohemian wake he leaves as he creates his art. i even said to the girls on the way up he has a quantum mind, and i think he is from the future but whatever he is, he has given me heaps of knowledge experience wisdom and joy since i was about 15 years old so i am incredibly grateful. but silver witch, wow, it was not only a great flavour it was beautiful to smoke. now i am not an expert, i usually just smoke what ever i have as long as it's natural and grown wild, but i'm now a convert. 

the gig itself was fantastic, now i have heard all these songs before but it does feel like the first time hearing them played again, the sound today happened to be perfect, i could actually hear all the bass notes which was new as i enjoyed following them along, and his vocals were pure, clean and very strong sounding. the whole sound was crisp and clear, i was very impressed although sk said later from where he stood it didn't sound good. his stories between songs, again, i have heard them but they were hilarious and i was amazed at how much my memory fails me. sk puts on a show, gives 100% and i have to say, it's never just a guy playing songs, it's a mix of everything, and i came away thinking this experience is theatrical. everything about it, the linking of the narrative told a story, it had a beginning, middle and end' it was 'improvised in part' there was music, story, laughter and tears, it contained elements of pathos and despite the tragic elements it made you laugh and filled you with a sense of joy that from out of all that experience was forged a fantastic human being who not only reached the potential of a picassio has a lot more to offer his audience down the time line. (he is from the future)

it was also interesting to watch how he won the crowd over, they were slightly apathetic at first but he engaged them and drew them in and they responded very well. i guess thats another art form in itself.

i dunno, i'm getting old, my health is beginning to decline and i may die at any point in time, but i have to say i have had some interesting and beautiful experiences, seeing sk play in a band or alone, listening and learning, being part of a stange group of individuals who all orbit around him, this has given me a lot of joy. i don't normally like being part of anything, any clique, group, gang, thing. but this small group always makes me happy and i genuinely care deeply for all of them, it's strange for me, i'm slow to know, slow to warm to people and yet i deeply care for the church family.

during the show i caught up with dave and his lovely wife, we had a chat about the damned gig coming up, and it was great to see him again, unfortunately they disappeared after the show so i never got to say bye.

later was beautiful, the sun drenched street of a funky newcastle suburb, with it's outdoor food, cafes and kooky shops looked a lot like a side street of glebe, i really liked the vibe of the city despite only being there three times before. i gotta say we had a lovely evening. 
driving home was again a great journey, we all agreed the sound was crisp and clean and the gig was a success. apparently it was quite spontaneous and arisen only a week or so before hand so there was some uncertainty about numbers. it seemed pretty packed in there, but it was a spacious venue, high ceilings, warehouse- like so it might have appeared somewhat vacant but this was deceptive, all the seats were taken up and the audience response was loud and appreciative. 

these are our twilight years, i don't mind them if i can occasionally have days like this. who knows what's going to happen anymore, i just would like to die smiling, knowing i had met one of my heroes and it was a good trip, all that 'never meet your heroes' stuff i believed turned out to be false. you should meet your heroes because in some strange way you also get to meet yourself or perhaps what you aspire to be like.

on the way home the big bright moon follows us, and we speak about where we saw ourselves when we were younger, ryissa says she thought she would be independant, travelling and free but then she met her partner for 24 years. 
me, i thought i would be living in burma, sri lanka, bali, or some exotic island writing novels, getting stoned and married to some olive skinned native who cooked nice fish dinners and offered me the occasional coconut. instead i ended up looking after all these people with strange behaviours and abilities and came to understand everyone is disabled in some way, some people just are better at covering it up than others.
'if you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans,' they say.
and over my shoulder gods always laughing. that's why i like him so much.
it was a great day.
thank you to everyone. 
 

Sunday, February 25, 2024

the sad thing about me is i will not surrender to something i cannot respect, understand or love. it's why i never took the knee to the black lives matter fiasco, not because they are a corrupt neo marxist ideology disguised as some sort of charitable empathetic organisation but because all lives matter.  i just happened to know they had hidden agendas.

i don't support the feminist movement, especially when clementine ford is looked up to as an ambassador of it, she may be the abc darling and spokeswoman of the left but she is a moron filled with hate towards jewish women and all males, except her son who you have to feel sorry for. being against marriage does not make you a feminist clemy, let me tell you there are plenty of men who are against it as they end up giving everything away in divorce, it doesn't work the other way around. but that's not the reason i dislike feminism in it's contemporary incarnation, it's because it's current figureheads are more masculine than most men. they are aggressive, angry, hostile and reject all feminine qualities.  

i don't support extremists of all denominations, disguises or rebranding if it is based upon hate or coercion. how fashionable it is to bend the knee at one point was indicated by all the dumb stickers on facebook, same as those stupid vaccinations which people were forced to take or shamed into taking them. shamed by virtue signalling idiots who follow crowds like the zombies they are. 

same with all these woke things, fuck off you morons. stop telling me how i should speak and think. go read 1984 and then read animal farm and perhaps we can have a conversation, but until then leave me alone.

no unfortunately i stand up straight for my own beliefs and i don't shove them down peoples necks like my opponents and adversary's. believe whatever you want, but leave me alone. it really is simple, the moment you start telling me what i need to do or whom i need to follow is the moment you loose me. 

unfortunately i have a free mind, an an individuality that will not bend. i tried it when i was a kid wanting acceptance, it doesn't work. at the end of the day i can only be who i am.

so, if you don't like it fuck off. i really don't care. i used to but these days i rather be alone than surrounded by idiots, zombies and the woke, who are really just asleep but dreaming they are awakened. 

 

Saturday, February 24, 2024

england is finished, i've been watching it's decline over the decades and now i can report, it is finished, fallen, taken over by the insane, marxist, islamo-facsist, green left ideologies that infect it's population. 
the scenes from london yesterday prove that the govt. cannot function out of fear. it is the end and because they have been so slow to acknowledge the threat they will fall further unless something radical is done. but who is brave enough to take on the enemies of 'reasonability.' 
certainly not labour which is riddled with neo socialist facsist nut jobs, or the conservative party who are basically globalist appeasers who don't seem to demonstrate any difference between their political opponents.  
the british institutions are infected with this sickness as well, and about 40% of the public. it was only a matter of time. history is a pattern, it may not repeat itself exactly but it does reoccur. every generation faces the same challenge, no matter how tolerant you are, how much do you tolerate intolerance, how much does a value system that offers freedom compromise itself to one that does not?
the answer has been slapping us in the face for years. i saw it early and escaped it, but it's hot on my heels, snapping at my feet. it's only a matter of time. 

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

i finished reading 'the shards' and am still a little uncertain how i feel about the ending. it was an excellent read however, i really enjoyed it despite the uncomfortable gay sex scenes i thought it was brilliantly written and constructed. the setting was la in the 80's and the book had a soundtrack written into it which i appreciate o  number of levels. the images evoked were the uber privileged rich white kids attending a high end college all caught up in the wake of a new arrival who may or may not be a serial killer. 
the conclusion seemed a bit hasty, all points converging to a confrontation between the protagonist and the adversary. the fact brett himself is the main protagonist and writes himself into what could be perceived as a true story about his youth just before he completed 'rules of attraction' gives us a meta fiction that sucks us inside that ambiguous liminal space where we can't really know if what we are reading is autobiographical or not. i liked all the plot devices but the ending is unresolved within me, i like it but it feels unfinished. however in some ways it's the perfect ending. 

Monday, February 19, 2024

yesterday i took a day off, something i hardly ever do and thought i would go to the 'never gain means now' show of support for jews and israel in the centre of sydney. it was to highlight the fact most jews had been targeted by the left, the greens, the islamists and the media, not to mention the police. they felt unsafe in australia and were having to hide their identity, there had been several episodes of attacks. i have not been to any kind of demonstration or protest since i was a teenager and figured this is something i need to do, not just for myself but a community under siege and for a country that is completely misrepresented by it's enemies and the morons that believe everything they are fed by media. when it comes to minorities israel is a good example, when it comes to racism jews are another, in fact the truth is you can critique israel and the jews as much as you want, but to lie blatantly is a different story, and to hold it to a different standard is the definition of antisemitism, in my book at least. and that's the problem, isreal is held to a completely different standard than any other country on earth. 

a few truths, there is no apathied, gaza is not and has not been under occupation for nearly 20 years and gaza is not an open air prison (it has 5 star hotels and resorts) and israel has been supplying gaza with electricity and water for years free off charge because hamas blew up the infrastructure. but never let the truth get in the way of a good nazi. 

so i finish my chores and set off, at 10am thinking i will give myself plenty of time to get to the city, wander around and then attend the demo but as usual in this weird week, everything went wrong. the train i was on stopped over the hawksberry river and remained there for over an hour. it was meant to take me to central but some urgent track work was necessary before it could continue. eventually after over an hour it continued only to stop at the next station and announce it was terminating. 
the next train was an hour away and instead of going directly to central this one went the long way around, stopping at all these weird suburbs and using up the chunk of time i had left. eventually i arrived in sydney at exactly 3pm when the demo commenced. i had to sprint across a park to get there for 1520 where a number of people gathered, mostly christians, jews and persians. 
warren mundine made a great speech, jackie lambie added a typical barrage of her direct no-nonsense nonsense, fortunately i missed scott morrison's speech ( a man i can't stand )
i wandered through the crowd of about 8000 people, lots of flags and a very cool art instillation representing the murdered people, you could walk around, each human cut-out displaying some form of art. 
some christians sung a hymn with a rock band, it was a sort of gospel sounding and some maoris and pacific islanders all dressed in blue and white lined up to the right of the stage. 
i noticed a cute looking woman and we exchanged smiles but it was not really the place to flirt so i moved on, into the centre of the crowd and noticed a vast cross section of people from all over, but it was the persians that stood out most with their lion flags. i spoke to many, all saying how much they loved the jews and israel and that iran was under a dictator who would not let his population live freely. 
i didn't stick around, swallowed up as i left into the hordes of citizens out sunday night. i made my way to the japanese bookshop where i picked up brett easton ellis's 'lunar park' and then boarded another train for the return journey which itself was delayed for 30 mins. 
when i got home i had almost finished 'the shards' and although i fell asleep i remember thinking how much i had enjoyed reading it. wondering how it would conclude.
my last thoughts were on the week being so weird and challenging for me, i should have just taken the week off and stayed home. but it would be coming to an end soon, a new one, better. 

Thursday, February 15, 2024

i got the hospital blues. i finish work at 2300 get home for midnight, i wake up at 0500 and get organised for a 0700 appointment at hospital where they prep me for a strange electric shock treatment. i managed to read a fair chunk of my book while they hooked me up to various sensors, took blood, blood pressure and various measurements, at one point i imagined a man in a suit and bow tie would come in with a tape measure and size my dimensions for a coffin. they rolled me into the operating theatre and i had a nice chat with the surgeon who was a fellow londoner, he laughed at my cockney accent and witty comments as they talked about sending a camera down my throat to check for clotting and then said they would send the shockwave through me if it was safe. i had already signed the disclaimer as the procedure comes with a risk of death. 
then they administered the anaesthesia. 
i woke up in a ward later with a nurse standing over me. the doctor came along and asked how i was, 'i could murder a coffee,' i replied. 
'well captain mission, there is good news and bad news.'
'bad news first doc.'
'we put the camera into your mouth and got the visuals we needed from your heart but when we pulled out the camera it knocked out some teeth.'
i nodded, feeling around my mouth, ahh yeah, all my front teeth were missing. then i noticed the blood. let me just mention, there was a shitload of blood spilling out my mouth and all over the sheets. 
'the good news is the electric shocks worked.'
i lay back, and fell asleep. i was not allowed to drive or use public transport for 24 hours so i caught an uber home and had a shower and went to sleep. during the night blood seemed to pump out continually from my mouth, sometimes in large clots.
as i hovered above my sink spitting out the mess massive globules of blood would just fall out, it was weird. i must have had about 5 runs to the bathroom during the night and in the morning my sheets and pillow cases were stained from drool and dribble. it wasn't until about noon today the bleeding stopped. 
i wandered around the house a bit dazed from the post anaesthesia, i tried to eat but it's hard without front teeth. 
my friend from new zealand rang and we had a great chat and then i must have passed out and had a dream i had a time machine and travelled through space and time like dr, who, only i was sexier and dressed more casually. i had two assistants, female and they always wanted to have sex with me, and we basically travelled time and space looking for good weed. sometimes we went to strange alien cities, sometimes up and down earths very own time lines, sometimes we just stayed in and listened to the church or early simple minds. it was a nice dream.



 

a forgotten classic.


 


Tuesday, February 13, 2024


i have a strange relationship with paul weller and his projects, i loved the jams first album but thought a lot of other releases were a bit mediocre, good but not good enough and then style concel wrote a few nice tunes and solo i loved about 60% of his output, heavy soul, wild wood, the new stuff. i've seen the jam, and paul weller a number of times but last night i somehow found myself at the opera house. the band were excellent, they played really well and the songs were good and some were excellent. the lesser known ones from that sunset album especially. what really surprised me was the audience, all ex pats, all older, not one young person in sight, yet everyone was on their feet. it was weird.

anyways, i enjoyed some of it. i wish i had seen simple minds a day before but seeing as they played two sets in the same night i felt i would not get 100% and when it comes from simple minds that's what you want. although this would have been excellent right...



Sunday, February 11, 2024

ahh finally a lone day to myself, i'm exhausted from the various demands, the external pressures and the strange anticipation about an upcoming procedure that i though would be fairly straightforwards but is now proving quite complex. i really don't want to die or become seriously sick which means i have to trust whatever process these doctors and technicians will provide while i am anesthetized.  however these days as i inwardly am pessimistic i must adopt a brave front for all around, and set my controls for the heart of the sun, in more ways that one. 

out of the blue an old friend rang and we had a good chat, he's moved up to mullinbimbi, although he spends a lot of time in sydney. i must admit it was good to hear his voice, really good. a sane man, a wonderful man actually, the kind of guy i would have been happy to be jakes godfather if i were able to go back in time. his mother made all those decisions and chose a woman i never heard from or see. not that i believe in all that stuff, but i guess if something happened to me when jake was very young i would have liked a male figure to step in as mentor. my friend would have been a perfect guy but i didn't know him back then. anyways we chat about fatherhood, expectations, women, music, the world wars and mutual acquaintances. 

my work is disheartening, i feel no energy to do anything, same at home, as if caught in some weird spiders web. i do manage to find a way into some markets, which will motivate me. i just need a few days to line up. i figure i can move quite a lot of stuff, if i sell cheap. this will clear out a lot of space at mission control.

i speak to my friends in nz and defer my plans to visit pending my procedure. i miss them a lot but need to be healthy.

ah well, loose ends must be tied up i guess. 

Wednesday, February 07, 2024


six years before i moved to sydney, a few k's down the way from this venue simple minds played there, this very gig. in this early incarnation simple minds were unstoppable, a phenomenal mix of musicians, and a rhythm section that basically couldn't ever be surpassed. i've seen simple minds many times but never in their original form with derek forbes on bass. new gold dream had just come out and there was no looking back. from this moment simple minds would fill stadiums and nothing could ever be the same. 

i certainty do not begrudge them success but the band that played stadiums were a different band to the one that started out. i like both but my heart is in those formative years when it really was a new gold dream.

Sunday, February 04, 2024

i awake within a dream, my excursions into dream yoga have become more and more vivid, transcending the lucid state.  thanatos and hypnos are siblings, very close and dreaming this deep is a preparation for death. i am in strange environments, unafraid but cautious, it is a dark place with bursts of colour, faces stare from the edges, some human, others animals. i expand, overwhelming it all. above the skies i look down at the earth, it's beautiful in it's fragility. a vital pearl of life in an ocean of...
...time obliterates. there is nothingness except peace. a peace so deep it's beyond sleep, beyond death. i feel immaculate, there is no desire to return to sleep, to living. peace like this obliterates the body and the mind, only some form of consciousness remains, the kind that feels like a drop in an ocean. eventually i will awaken, eventually the morning sunlight will activate my pineal gland, the process will begin. pulling me out of the tranquility towards life.
i wake up and literally jump out of bed. it's been a few weeks since i did that. there's an overwhelming sense of boundless energy and positivity running through me, an electricity propels me to the next moment, coffee, breakfast, shower, dressed for the day i am bathed in sunlight now, everything in place. i'm unlocked and loaded, my aim is true. 

 i manage to get myself to training this morning, it's a hard slog as i am exhausted and functioning at half capacity, my arrhythmia seems to have kicked in and by the time i meet my trainer i'm puffed out. we decide to do some low impact stuff today so i suggest a walk, it's humid already but the water looks good despite the dark surface, waves are breaking and i feel it's pull, however under my current health i wouldn't risk it. maybe tomorrow if i'm back to normal. as i walk i see all the people, so many people out and about. it's incredible. we ascend the skillion, up to where in winter whales drift passed and if you stay long enough you can see them breaching.  as i drive back i think the coolest place to be is in my car as the air con is very effective. 

at home write a few messages, have a lot of stuff to do but cant find the energy and instead i fall asleep on the lounge room sofa only to be awoken by my water dragon who is demanding food. i have some blackberries and he likes them. he has a diet of different fruits and seems to enjoy them all but i don't want him dependant upon me. he only comes along when the screen door is open or he sees me. it's like having a puppy. 

the whole day feels like it's going to burst forth with rain. i sink into a short sleep, my eyes are so heavy with a strange heaviness, i just can't keep them open. ah, yeah i took some melatonin, that's why. that stuff really knocks me out. it's not the usual melatonin you get in health food shops, this stuff is super strong and only available on script. it really is amazing!  the quality of sleep is so deep as well, i'm really grateful i have access to it but it cannot be over used. 

so a couple of days to myself, to restore my batteries and prepare for ye hospital procedure in a couple of weeks. i have to get some blood tests next week and then we can have a look and see if there are any deficiencies. i have a feeling i'm pretty good but i guess we will confirm that soon. 

Saturday, January 27, 2024


 just watched this tv series based on william gibson's novel, 'the peripheral' which was amazing. there's about ten episodes and i immediately connected it to westworld, in terms of production, intelligence and story. it's fucking science fiction for grown ups, a complex rich story with interesting characters and ideas. the premise is complex and yet easy to follow, with enough action and plot devices to keep you hooked. i really enjoyed it especially the future london where the roman like statutes tower over the skies, amazing. 

 

 


very early simple minds live in sydney. imagine being at this gig, it would have been amazing.


more simple minds when they were at the top of their game, with mel gaynor and derek forbes driving the rhythm engine, very powerful. i do love this period, it's like a collaboration of guys all sounding better than individuals, it everyone doing their thing,  knowing when not to play, knowing when to exit, and jim singing at his best. you can here it.

Thursday, January 25, 2024


through the wire people kept telling me this was the 'go to' translation of homers 'the odyssy' which i had read when a young man and really loved. it's one of those books that influences your life without really knowing it, a fantastic rich story and one which beckons a re read every few years. old captain mission never got around to that re read until now, this literally fell into my lap. and wow! it is indeed an excellent translation, it reads beautifully and flows with such frictionless it really is like drinking a book.
her introduction goes into some detail about the culture and history around the book, it looks at the characters, motivations and relationships blending the more mythological with the human events. 
after reading julian jaynme's 'origin of consciousness in the the bicameral mind' i always think of the events that take place in the odyssy in relation to jaymes's theory.
his idea is consciousness is relatively new to humans, and evolved from a metaphorical language. he suggests before consciousness humans had a two part structure to their mind. (two chambered)   
instead of an internal voice they heard an external one, an auditory hallucination that directs their actions. these voices were credited as gods.
you can fill in the gaps yourself.

it's another stinking hot morning at mission control as i wander around sipping my coffee. these days i am down to one cup each morning with a drop of milk. i don't eat anything until around 1500 or 1700 if i can. obviously taking medication i need something to accompany my morning meds so i occasionally have yogurt.
i water the front garden, it's threatening rain but you never know what it will do and my plants are thirsty. it's already sweltering and it's only 0930.  


Tuesday, January 23, 2024

 


simple minds live somewhere sometime one million eyes can see, i would like to take a look into the book of brilliant things.

i couldn't sleep a wink last night, no really, i was awake at 3am watching the last episode of fargo which was brilliant and every-time i attempted to sleep my shoulder would ache with a sharp stabbing pain on my nerve. it sent out a shock-wave of excruciating synaptic messages that prevented me from sleeping and at 9am i had training which i pursued with a half-hearted attempt until my trainer gave me some exercises to assist work out the nerve damage temporarily. 

the pain returned a few hours later as i drove to work and remained all day. i may have to take some serious drugs as i am uncertain how long i can tolerate it. these days it seems i am far to many drugs, not the sexy ones either.

Saturday, January 20, 2024

i spent the day in a lazy way, kicking around at home, i picked up a book and had a look and started to read a tale of ancient greece. the house was silent, but you could hear my heart beat, (boom boom boom) the sun was shining, and the water dragons smiling. hours seemed to pass and i'd fallen into dream, and when i awoke things were not what they seemed. the hour was getting late, and i should not hesitate, so i splashed my face and drove not very far, straight to north avoca.

what was on my mind, you may well ask me just ask away, for on tonights bill was a certain steve kilbey, he would be playing all his hits, and misses, and there was his missus on the merch so i said hello and picked up a new t- shirt and she ushered me right in where i could here this din, it was the soundcheck and kilbey upon the stage, like a rock star and jester, he got the balance right, played a spontaneous captain mission song and then we went along, backstage don't forget, for a quick jazz cigarette. 

a lovely little place, complete with photocopier and bar fridge, we had a lovely chat and soon that was that, steve needed to prepare and after a little smoke, i left him to meditate and outside the crowd was getting large and a buzz was in the air, i wandered down to sit, front row and found myself my spot and then steve came on and played and told his ironic tale, about the rise and fall and rise, he made us laugh and cheer and the audience was thrilled.

the stars and moon came out, and i went to say goodbye, it was lovely to see familiar faces and to meet some new. ryissa and george were there and a girl whose name escaped, but she played me her song and we spoke and it was very good. she smiled and took my number which was the icing on the cake. and as we said goodbye we made a special date.

Friday, January 19, 2024


 i've almost finished this great little book, it focuses upon simple minds before they made it big, from poor beginnings right up to new gold dream although it does go slightly further. australia plays a big part in simple minds history, a country that got right behind them and gave them the confidence and support they needed to crack the big time. icehouse helped.

i'd always loved them, that sort of weird european electro trash, with equally weird lyrics but  then along came new gold dream, and wow! 

my ex wife was a huge fan so in our early days that's all we listened to, 'new gold dream' and 'sparkle in the rain.' it was the soundtrack to everything we did. i recall driving down the southern coast of spain, summer sun, small little villages, lazy afternoons, the power of youth and foolishness fuelling us with simple minds turned up loud. her fave was 'white hot day' while i loved 'book of brilliant things.'


we could never really understand how they developed that sound, it's so distinctive and unique. i was always enamoured by charlies guitar, it certainly never sounded like a normal guitar, and that drumming! then there's the incredible derrick forbes, possibly the only actual trained musician in the band. he played an incredible bass and was half of the rhythm machine, the other being mel gaynor on drums. then there was frontman jim kerr, who was a very strange front man, very effeminate and graceful. 

the book describes him as a reclusive, bookish, director type. along with charlie they drove simple minds forwards. there's a lot of technical information on how they got certain sounds and  steve hillage certainly added to their overall production sounds and styles. the band seem to keep everything in house, it's built on trust i guess, managers, lighting, engineers, it's like a small family of people who just heard them as a small pre record company band and believed in them, stuck it out and were there for the pay off. it's a good book, i like the writing style and information, it avoids the bitchy items and sticks to the love. 

Sunday, January 14, 2024


for the last few weeks i have been on a stranglers kick, not sure why suddenly i started listening to them again, it had been at least 20 years. when i was a young punk on dope i loved the stranglers, that bass and keyboards, the way they shifted around, hugh's snarling vocals, that intimidating presence, the way they would play a fast paced brutal high energy song and then yield to some kind of weird melodic beauty. the stranglers were and still are a great band.

i discovered a fantastic clip of them playing an acoustic set, it really is sublime. the line up had changed but the energy was the same. i love the way they are so unpredictable and experimental, playing pub rock to waltz's to flamenco based tunes. two down now, jet black and dave greenfield,  but jj is still pounding away at the base. a great band from london, but don't mess with them.

Thursday, January 11, 2024

it's so humid my skin feels like it's covered in a thick viscous layer of slime nothing can stick to. i probably need to find a mental equivalent but at the moment it's early morning with the sun just peeking over the horizon and i'm already wondering how i can keep it cool. i like the sun but this is just uv light and water, the atmosphere feels dense and ugly. at some point it will break, the storm will make a dramatic entry, maybe this evening. usually when it storms i have to turn off everything, hide under the bed as lightning freaks me, i'm traumatised by it. 

i do some very early morning gardening, my garden is getting tricky, lots of dead stuff hanging around up high. i have five plants to rehouse in the front garden, it's endless and i can see why some people like apartments but there is something to be said for being responsible for a small bit of australia, it really makes you appreciate the native population and their culture.

by around 0900 it's far to hot to do anything so i pick up  'elysium fire' and finish the final leg. it's a far more complex story than 'the prefect' but this time more procedural, and the tension between some of the characters begins to show, with a good resolution.  i can understand why people say it's not as good at 'the prefect' but i think i will wait until 'machine vendetta' before i judge it as that may give it some perspective, after all aurua makes an appearance in 'elysium' and it could be interesting to see where reynolds takes her in the conclusion to the trilogy, after all when you think about it, in the scheme of things she's good good intentions but we are left wondering how she will cope in her war against 'the clockmaker.' as far as strange characters and alien go, the clockmaker is a great example of how far reynolds can push the science fiction, it's wonderful stuff and edge of the seat reading.

a few things i need to do today are see my brazilian man, and pick up some medication, i may do that early as i feel when the rain breaks it's going to be wild.

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

it really is time to get rid off the un.
any self respecting country would leave it.
it's the most dystopian body on earth. 

Monday, January 08, 2024

i get home late, around midnight and i am in bed by one. by two i am asleep. by five am i am awake and getting ready. have to take the car in for a service, which i do but find myself with several hours to kill. i train it into the city, hunt down a few books and then meet a couple of friends at wynard for a drink. i head back on the train, pick the car up at one pm, and then drive to work for two. i finish at eleven and i'm back home at midnight. i feel a bit like that song, 'another planet' by the only ones.



 

Saturday, January 06, 2024

i finish reading aurora rising (the prefect) and it really is quite an incredible story, the ending is perfect, everything you want answers to are answered in the final few pages, all the missing pieces come together, masterful. aliester reynolds is my fave sci fi writer, he nails it when h's in the revelation space universe, complex and imaginative, everything seems to make sense despite the incredible time spans. there is no faster than light travel in his worlds so travel between points takes time, and in that time a lot can happen. human society is split into the demarchists whom follow a technological democracy where  all collective decisions are made via a centralised computer which every citizen can vote upon every issue. it's the enlightened democracy of the glitterband a sort of ring of habitats and planets where every community can function in any way it wishes, so for example if you wanted to join a community that practiced slavery, there would be one. the slaves of course are consenting. the conjoiners are a group of humans that incorporate technology into their bodies and can interact with technologies with their minds and there's the ultras who share a collective hive mind. there's also genetically modified animals and humans, specifically pigs who play incredible roles in reynolds stories. there's elephants and dolphins to in his blue remembered earth series. 
the aliens in the books are interesting and mysterious.
the pattern jugglers are liquid, and live in an ocean and if you would swim in their seas you would exit the water a different being than the one that went in, they change minds, infiltrate the very neural network and can rearrange by placing networks from beings they have experienced previously or swap consciousness of multiple beings. sometimes after multiple swims they even absorb the body and the individual is never seen again. 
the inhibitors are a vast machine intelligence left over from the dawn war to stop any civilisation advancing beyond certain geographical boundaries, there's the shadows and the shrouders who live in sections of space sealed from normal space time. there's a few others but very rarely do humans involve themselves with them, but when they do it's usually for a good reason although the inhibitors are best stayed clear off. anyway's i'm starting 'elysium fields' the second in the series and hopefully by the time i am finished the third book will be out and i can get straight into it. 

the water dragon turns up this afternoon demanding strawberries, it eats three huge ones, just scoffs the lot. i'm amazed at how brazen he is. i don't wanna tame him as he can eat all the mosquitoes that seem to be hanging around this summer, possibly all the rain means an over abundance of eggs. normally they don't bother me but jesus they are seriously sucking my blood faster than any ex wife i know. i walk outside and they attack me. it's nuts. fortunately i drink a lot of tonic water so i'm unlikely to get malaria.

and sadness, actually i'm very sad as jake left today. normally we cope with it well and we are cool and philosophical but this time was tough, it hit me hard. i think its because we are more like close friends these days, and connect so well. anyways as i write, he's in the air. 

Friday, January 05, 2024

at dawn, sun not even peeking over the horizon i drive down to the beach for a surf, it's packed. people everywhere and it's not even 5am. this is australia, it's a lifestyle place, if you live near the beach you may as well use it, i go to bed early just to get up early. the day always starts with a surf, it's communion, something between me and the universe. i love it. the waves are not good, choppy and ominous, a big black sky beginning to threaten a downpour, it's slightly surreal. 

i text jake to see if he's up, he is. i'm really missing him as he leaves tomorrow. i was hoping i may see him but we are outta time, it makes me sad. it makes him sad. still we are lucky, we manage to see one another at least twice a year. i dunno though, those trips to london are not easy, they take a huge toll upon me, and i'm not sure how long i can carry on. it would be different in business class, but after 30 hours in the cheap seats it's hard to bounce back.

i treat myself to a coconut latte, these days i very rarely buy coffee out, i prefer to make it at home, grind up the beans and brew my own. the blend is 'lulu's' which is roasted on the coast and about 10 mins away from me. it's the best coffee on earth.

the cicadas are out now, making a racket, it's really loud but i can tune out, the rain don't fall, solar flares burn the clouds up and penetrate the atmosphere. you can feel the ultra violet. i head home, i want to treat my floors with eucalyptus this morning, it really makes a huge difference to wooden floors. smells great as well.

my water dragon makes an appearance, he comes right up to me and lets me know he wants breakfast. i think this is the spawn of the old dragon, although it's hard to tell, there is a distinctly new colouration to this one. he's very tame though and really enjoys the strawberry and grape i offer him. 

i look out into the garden, the weird south american plants are all flowering, massive exotic flowers that reach up high. they are intricate structures, big bromeliads and palms. sometimes it feels like eden, peaceful, the weird dragons, the colourful birds that pass through, even the fish in my pond are happy and chatty, it's tranquil and safe. then you remember the world outside. it's like a jungle sometimes...don't push me cos i'm close to the edge.


Tuesday, January 02, 2024

 someone sends me some mongolian pop music, it goes on a bit but i like it.


the band is called hu or as they like to be known Hu Band. they have a few tunes but this is epic and the one i play most. young guys, making a racket with their instruments. transcending cultures, finding a groove and making it beautiful albeit a bit heavy but you know, it's in context and sounds good. i like it.

anyways, that's going on in the background, as i run around chemists, doctors, specialists and attempt to get something for the weird cough i have. they end up giving me reflex pills. anyways right now i will try anything.

suddenly it's 1500 and i find myself reading 'aurora rising' yet again, this is the 3rd time. i read it when it first came out under the title 'the prefect' and when reynolds published a second novel in the series he changed the name and i read it again. exactly the same novel but the second read was even better than the first, there's so much going on, i picked up details that i missed and sub plots that i had never understood became clear. this third time is a absolute pleasure as the whole magnificence of reynolds writing and this story really blooms in my mind, i'll have to re read the sequel again, 'elysium fire' where everything comes together but apparently early next year a third and final book called, 'machine vendetta' which i can't wait for. 

the series is known amongst fans as the 'prefect dreyfus emergencies' after the main protagonist tom dreyfus. the stories take place on the glitter band worlds when it was fully functional and a safe habitat for millions of humans. if you have read the revelation space sequence you will appreciate how this fits in, it's really choreographically the first set of books written before the revelation space novels. this is the glitterband, on yellowstone, before the melding plague. reynolds fills each page with ideas, concepts and his characters are amazing, especially a hyper-pig who is also a prefect working alongside tom. it's pointless me going into plot because it's complex and you really need to read it with no knowledge going in, other than these novels take place in an already established universe known as revelation space, and these stories are precursors to that when humanity was in it's heyday.




oh and the hu would make a great soundtrack to the books, totally alien and threatening, with a sombre growing menace that gets closer and closer with every page.

Monday, January 01, 2024

it's a strange old life when you are half dead and laying down with a life support machine keeping your heart beating. a strange array of screens and monitors display technicalities of the heart but all you feel is life, slipping away.
the heart, a blob of muscle acting like a pump, an electrical impulse reaching out into the cosmos, finding my son. we are connected. 
that's all that matters.
a few months later we are together again. i'm surfing, laughing, eating exotic salads, driving through strange coastal villages and cleaning up the debris that is mission control. jake manages to clear away two rooms so i can see the floor and actually walk across it. i'm still looking at a very messy dining table and kitchen but that can come later. right now i am happy to be alive, breathing and sharing with jake. he's a smart guy with a very big heart. i'm hoping he packs in the glam life now and just comes home, but it's something i can't expect him to do, after all he has a dream job travelling around the world, the high class lifestyle, the best of all, the famous, the money, the parties but deep down i know he will return. if not soon, then within a couple of years. he knows what i know.
i drive home from work late, the whole new years thing is kinda lost, a strange random day where time is at some sort of imaginary nexus based upon the roman colander whereas i am a lunar calendar guy. however i respect those romans and what they left us, aqueducts, walls,  fresco's and some spiffy architecture. everywhere i travel i see signs of their empire, except here in australia. 
my heart is affected by my lungs, it's obviously the vaccine, as it's spike protein sets it's controls to the heart of the sun. me. i am lucky i took the detox and the alternative treatments to minimise the effect but none the less, i took a bullet. my cough returns, we really need to fix that. i have just over a month before the electro shock treatment, maybe that will put an end to it all. i gotta write a will. that really is a priority. 
i munch down a new years hash cake, a small one just to celebrate the occasion. ha! not really, i just love em. 
i can't sleep, the night before i had taken a melatonin. it's prescribed by my heart specialist, slow release. completely different from the stuff you buy in health shops, this is the real deal. wow! i fell into the best sleep i have had in months but tonight without one i can't switch off. 
the morning greets me with a grin. it's the first day of the new year and i feel worn out already, exhausted and in need of a few days away somewhere hot and beachy, somewhere where i can drink coconut drinks and eat fresh fruit while girls in bikinis rub stuff into my body to make all the aches and age related pains vanish. maybe if they rub it in deep i will vanish, like a vanishing man. 
what's this year going to be like people ask me.
it's going to be nuts, even crazier than the last year. baton down yer hatches, stock up on protein pills and coconuts. charge up your psi power and plug into the cosmos because this year is going to be a wild ride into man made chaos. if aliens are going to land, 2024 is the year. let's hope they can pull us out of the vortex we are being sucked into.
this year i will be doing some work with an entity known as hekate, it appears she has entered my world and is awaiting some sort of invocation. the process may take about 7 months but i have everything i need, it really is a matter of commitment.




Saturday, December 30, 2023

the best tv show this year is actually a few years old, and i had already read the books. it's called 'the expanse' and it's a science fiction 6 series story although there are 10  novels.

the story is at a basic level first contact but it's obviously much more, as each series has its own theme that pushes the story forwards. it's political as fuck, gritty and humane. again the characters have great story arcs, their inter personal relationships are complex and humorous and as the series progresses you can see each member of the crew has a history they are attempting to escape but just keeps catching up with them. there is one storyline that needed to continue, it just seemed to vanish but it only makes an appearance in the last season. however the books continue much further.


research tells me that the show was axed suddenly and prematurely which  makes season 6 seem rushed and without the time to draw the conclusion out satisfactory, but it's nonetheless still good and the resolution excellent.

Friday, December 29, 2023


reading this year has been slim pickings, i started a lot of books i had to finish but regretted starting. my pile of books to give away / sell down the market is growing larger, and i'm feeling a general disappointment in the quality and type of story telling i seem to enjoy and then along came, steve's new book.

it's a novella, and it's a companion piece to the album although can be read independently.
i guess the book kinda pieces the album together in a way that gives it a linear structure and assessable coherency as a concept album. 
i guess the first thing that hooked me was the style, it's written as a fast paced kinetic adventure / mystery but you can hear steve's voice reading it. you can follow his flow, pick up on the nuances and humour, the way characters reflect reality, the pace, the timing and the little deviations he makes. it's a rock and roll novel, sex, drugs and gigs, interpersonal relationships, and writers block. 
a famous respected but fading rock star eros zeta addicted to a drug that is getting him nowhere creatively, a relationship that just reenforces the drug habit and a lack of inspiration, eros hears about the strange device known as the hypnogogue that offers to pull great art from artists while they dream, a device that is part spiritual, part machine, part organic, part technological, part extra dimensional, possibly alien or maybe a mixture of all. 
this is the science fiction element which resonates with me, i love sci fi and it's very rare to find a novel that can capture science fiction well and in an authentic way, true to what the ethos of science fiction is and should be.
this managed to do that. it took two days to read but at a slow loving pace, i really soaked up the atmospheres and the descriptions. it's not convoluted or high brow, just a great story, well written with a poetic layer that steve excels at in all his art.
book of the year by a mile!
 
genuinely, i have not read anything this year as good.
my only criticism is it should have been longer, i didn't want it to end.



Tuesday, December 26, 2023

as i strive for peace and love it's very difficult not to be at war with my shadow side, a cynical, part angry, part disappointed, part fatalistic jaded man who cannot understand the way the zombies have taken over the world. i always said, aim for the head. 

anyway here i am if you want me zombie horde but i will go down fighting you all until i can't and then i will transition to a new level of existence where i will be free of you all. the zombie hordes of ignorance, fear and hate. those whose ideology has taken over their brain parts and now seeks others to consume. ideologies of extreme hate, irrational and inverted. they are everywhere. 

a few thousand years ago a jewish guy was born, he was an odd ball who didn't fit in. he didn't like the way people put materialism before spirit, he didn't like memes that infected the zombies of his age, he didn't like exploitation and he went of to learn from the holy druids for a few years, he studied kabbalah (as evidenced within the lords prayer) he then returned to his people to lead them towards love. as usual the authorities determined he should be executed. but you can't kill a good idea and love is a pretty dam perfect one. 

love your enemies.

a statement that is possibly the most powerful i've ever heard. off course it don't mean you can't kill them, it means much more than that. 

so in this terrible year of suffering, (arn't they all) on this xmas season, i love my enemy. the islama- fascists, the weird jew haters and hypocritical left wingers and the so called greens who all aligned themselves with the extreme right wing fascists, the real ones. i hope your turkey of ideology gets well roasted until it's burnt to a crisp and you choke on it. and while you choke, i will watch with love.

merry xmas 

Sunday, December 24, 2023

i seem to be going through a stranglers revival, i really liked that band and now i can't stop listening to them. they were probably the most interesting punk band in the sense that they did change their direction many times, and challenge their audience to the point of loosing them and then gaining a new one. they were loud, brash, sexist, menacing, un-apologetically following their own star until hugh cornwall discovered heroin and wrote 'golden brown' a song that was top of the pops globally. 
with a record label expecting a follow up hit they released a 14 minite waltz sung in french. that was the stranglers, sticking it to the man all the way. they imploded due to internal friction and regrouped without hugh. sad but they still pushed forwards and made some great songs. 
to see them live was a joy, everyone wearing black and sneering, part goth part punk, a strange hybrid that worked for me.
possibly the most obtuse stranglers album is, 'the men in black'  but i personally really liked the two albums 'feline' and 'la folie.' the strange energy of these two albums, slow and strangely electronic, not pop songs or rock, something different.
the band had a keyboard player called dave greenfield, he was amazing and accomplished, slightly autistic. it would not be unusual to hear him playing harpsichord, mellatron, hammond or baby grand. they guy was a wizard on the keyboard. one of my fave songs is the kick ass cover of 'walk on by' which has the delivery of a man who is really feeling it. not love in it's classic post romance incarnation but love as an angry bitter energy. 
it really is a great song, dionne warwick's version pales into insignificance after this version. i am pretty sure i still have the single somewhere.

'just go for a stroll in the trees...' 
and then cue dave greenfield banging away and that power bass from old jj. it's so rare a cover outclasses the original. but listen good.
i guess the stranglers are quintessentially a london band but jj was a frenchman, and he plays base unlike anyone else, always pumping along relentlessly. brilliant.
dave and the drummer jet black are dead now but the band still carries onward, not quite the same but still interesting. ever changing yet keeping that distinctive sound.
as far as lyrics, go check out 'genetix' from the album the raven or 'no more heroes anymore.'
a band singing about genetic modification and gene splicing in one song and leon trotsky, sancho panza in another. 
not my fave band but a worthy band, 'the stranglers.'
 


Saturday, December 23, 2023

its weird watching some show where they are explaining the pop band 'wham' has a number one hit in the uk with that irritating song, 'last christmas.'
i knew those guys and girls from wham, it's so weird that they ever made it so big, but george was pretty ambitious and driven. i must admit i loathe their music. 
while they were on the ascent i was playing lou reed and bowie covers in a band called the blue meanines with a bunch of south london misfits. we were no pop stars, we were the opposite, sort of arrogant, ugly, unruly, not a club band but a garage one. we did have one musician who played guitar and guided us through our follies. i am still very good friends with tez. and we had one talented  musician who played keyboards. he's gone on to do amazing things. the rest were more pirate than players. martin von donaldson looked like ziggy but played like keef, mano our intrepid spanish base player who liked the jazz cigarettes. tez was like a sage, he had experience and wisdom, we all looked up to him, even me with my weird outta whack singing, and cavorting. there was no way were were pop star material like those wham boys, but we had a certain mystique and appeal to the more avant garde, a soul and depth. no songs about xmas and broken hearts, just crack baby crack i just want your sex, we were all sneer and spite.
anyways, my memories of wham are fading, i was good friends with both of them especially shirley whom went on to marry martin kemp from that god awful spandu ballet, but when i knew her she was a punk.
yeah, last christmas i gave you my heart.


Wednesday, December 20, 2023

yesterday threatened rain all day, today delivers as mission control battens down the hatches,  and prepares for deluge. i manage to put some indoor plants outside for a soaking, not all but some, i can rotate tomorrow. it's grey and the constant sound of rainfall drives me nuts like a slow torture. my garden however is in ecstacy as the ferns and flowering bromeliads, the wilting tiger grass and towering black bamboo all dance with the joy only rainfall can bring. it's glorious to watch from inside.

and inside i watch a few episodes of 'the expanse' and strangely discover there are two series which i didn't even know existed. it's becoming a very interesting story, an amalgamation of the book series,  and i am really enjoying the styling and production values. the whole thing works well as there is a nice attention to detail plus a creative effect which lays just over the surface, like to strange hybrid languages factions converse in,  the three dimensional characters and the black humour. everyone is awkward and no one really seems to know what they are doing. it's good.


Tuesday, December 19, 2023

well the specialist didn't have good news for me, and it looks like i may have to return to hospital for some more weird procedures and experimentation early next year. this came as a blow to me, i was kinda hoping i could put it all behind me, and move forwards. i can't really move anywhere now.

still time pushes on, events pivot, the background changes colour but the foreground is the same. conclusions become beginnings, it's always the way, a never ending story because it is one big long story of cycles and loops. i am indeed a strange loop. but i move ever forwards. the knight of nights.

in the mid east the same old situation, the west getting everything inverted as it tells isreal to stop the war, ceasefire now! all that sounds good in theory but they are telling the wrong side, if they want to stop the war they should tell hamas to release hostages, they should ask why hamas broke the last ceasefire or let israel finish what it must do. there's agendas at play, only those with x ray vision can see it. it's been like that for many many decades but on it goes.

i wake up super early, go through my morning rituals. i even manage to do some gardening at 6am. it's very overcast, grey and heavy skies threaten storms. i batten down the hatches,  make sure my supplies are stocked before deluge falls. it's weirdly humid, sweat beads form as soon as i emerge from the shower. a dog barks, everything feels very ominous as if the sun is about to flare.

good news is i can start 'eros zeta' today. yay!

Monday, December 18, 2023

i'm about to see the specialist, maybe i can make a full recovery like last time, it's not impossible. in the meantime my love life is beginning to look interesting. i feel ready so i guess the cosmos is sending me some applicants. 
my best friend died having sex with a brazilian stripper just as they were going to go out for dinner, it always seemed like the best way to go. the weather has been humid and bright, i've been waking up at dawn and catching waves, despite average surf one wave in every hundred makes it worthwhile. i ride that baby in zen style, the solar system imploding in my brain. everything happening all at once, it's incredible. then there's the house, i throw myself into some hardcore domestics. jakob helps clear two rooms, i still have about 300 books to sell, next market day. i've decided to cut price down to $5 each. come on, these are quality life changing novels, you will thank me for them later.
i've had to slow down at work, i can't do everything so i'm delegating. it's good, i gotta remember i'm an old man not a teenager.  a slimmer one too. all that hospital food and i dropped dramatically. i just couldn't eat that junk. 
must admit during this period where half the population of earth wants to kill me and mine i am enjoying watching 'the expanse' again. it's a great series if you like science fiction with a political twist. i also love watching the un ambassador to isreal give his speeches to the assembly, he's so good. it's about time someone told those bastards how useless they are.
i've been reading a fair amount as well but nothing spectacular, i'm about to read 'eros zeta and the hypnogogue.' 
i'll post a review soon. 
i'm doing laundry today, heaps off it. it's taking over the whole day spilling into my down time but it feels good getting it done. there's rain on the way so i hope it all drys out by dusk.
the difference between me and you is simple. when a bunch of people behead and murder babies, children, mothers and fathers, people dancing at a 'peace' rave, which the attackers video and then kidnap rape and torture women, kids and grannies leaving a trail of butchery behind for their followers to rejoice in, i don't go out on the streets and celebrate. i don't wave a flag or shout out to my god, what a great day it is, or how happy i am. 
yeah i am jewish by birth, i have very little interest in the religion but having been and lived in israel many times over the years i know what an exceptional country it really is, why amazing people choose to live there, no matter what their religion, or ethnicity. i worked with many palestinians who love isreal because they are free to be who they want to be without the threat of being thrown of a rooftop or dragged bound and chain by a motorbike because of their sexuality or desire to be free from authoritarian control. despite the lies there is no apathid for any israeli citizen.
i picked olives in an orchard with palestinians who loved isreal, loved their lives and laughed with me in the sun as brothers. many isrealis are married to palestinians, but you would never read that in the guardian or the abc.
jewish isreali children are not indoctrinated from birth to hate their enemy, quite the opposite.
the biggest mistake most people make is to equate the issue of thinking israel is separate from judaism. it is not. the israelis are not murdered because they are israelis, they are murdered because they are jews. 
it's very obvious to any astute political thinker, it's nothing to do with land.
evidence of this is global as attacks upon jews before the state of isreal and the way it has been minimized after the state of isreal was declared. murders and attacks occur everywhere in europe towards jews. it's just not reported. just like the pakistani grooming gangs are not reported or the rape culture in sweden was never reported. it's often covered up, it's usually dismissed for a number of reasons. first being the amount of islamic immigration into western democracies that most politicians have to supplicate. 
they vote and people want their vote. 
politicians don't have principles anymore, there are no great leaders, just dependents. dependent upon the vote.
another reason is the amount of pure hatred, jealously and resentment most people have towards jews. left and right side of politics, they hate jews and these days it's unfashionable to attack a minority so they attack israel which ironically is a minority.  a single secular jewish state in an ocean of muslim ones. 
and for all you anti- white colonial haters out there isreal is not 'white.' 
commentary like thinking it's comprised of europians is just dumb, and very obviously ignorant.
i am a good example of that. jews are multi ethnic, including asian and african.

so, a peace rave huh, i mean that's liberation!
citizens from all over the planet, dancing for peace. and you dance on the streets because you see it as a 'celebration' they were gunned down, beheaded brutally raped and kidnapped.
you don't want to believe it, its a conspiracy, where's the proof you scream. and after having the proof you still won't believe it because your sickness is deranged and pathological.

i've been in isreal at war, when isreal defends itself its citizens are very solemn and, all, yes all, feel tragically for the people in gaza. i know this because i have seen it and felt it myself so for me it is real. i respect the sanctity the jews have for life itself despite what the media and harvard promotes. the media is a self perpetuating hate machine, it needs conflict, chaos and war. it needs division, just like our masters. and both gaza and isreal are puppets manipulated by a deep deeper state that really pulls the strings of everyone, especially now as conflict, war, fear is exactly what distracts us from the criminal activities of our own governments. the ones that support isreal at the same time they fund iran. the ones that promote peace are the ones that make war. 
unlike you. i do stand with isreal, neither because i am perceived as jewish but because i understand antisemitism and those that perpetrate it.
thousands of pro hamas people were firing flares at an opera house that was  lit up in blue and white light, in a token-like gesture.  no 'star of david' in sight because that would just be to much. the police allowed these supporters to yell, 'gas the jews.'
and there were thousands of them. in fact the police arrested, the only arrest, a jewish man who was there with his flag to pay his respect to the dead.
while these people have a right to march and support their side, what they were doing was celebrating a death cult, with a police escort, while a single man with an israel flag was arrested for showing his solidarity with israel's dead. in subsequent marches jews were told to stay away, remove all emblems of identification as jews as this is to much of a provocation. this don't effect me at all but it is disgusting and the way everyone is complicit in their silence is equally disgusting. 

sure you can hate us, i know you do. i feel it everyday and have done since i was a child at skool, i've seen it from friends, ex girlfriends and an ex wife, people i meet through my life, intelligent lovely people suddenly show their pathology without understanding i may be of jewish decent. they just spill the beans, it pours out eventually. it don't scare or intimidate me, i'm very used to it. most jews, even the ones that don't support israel know deep down they will be someones target down the line, they just are far to frightened to admit it thus they mostly are the left wing appeasers. they are the optimists who stayed in germany at the rise of the nazis thinking, it will get better while pessimists left. 
i don't blame them, i used to think like them until i witnessed what occurred in europe with salmon rushdie and the many incidents where terrorists killed jews by hijacking aircraft or massacring an isreali olympic team here or there while the rest of the world was indifferent. 

anyone recall the arab oil embargo.

salmon rusdie!
you all know the story but what you may not know is what occurred in its wake. 
a committee called the islamic council was formed, it was an advisory body that would screen / filter everything published and promoted in the uk and europe that pertained to islam or muslims. it would approve or disapprove every publication from newspaper article to novel to tv series. and the threat of violence was always there, so weak governments capitulated. thus for decades the narrative was one sided. you never heard about what was really going down in isreal. many reporters were on the payroll, fabricating news and media because lets face it england and europe have always had an issue with jews and its establishment have always embraced the pan arab world. go even deeper and the british establishment was sympathetic towards hitler and would have appeased him if not for the working class english of which i am proudly one.

ironically all this does is give isreal a reason to exist.

people often say to me, why don't isreal offer land back. 
they did, they gave gaza back, ariel sharon (oft decribed by his haters as a war pig) used the army to drag their own people from their homes, they didn't have to do this but isreal wanted peace. it gave back land for peace and it never got it. in fact the land they gave back was fertile, had infrastructure and abundance. i saw the greenhouses stretching across the horizon. the first thing it's new occupants did was destroy everything and start firing missiles.  it's never been about isreal, it is always about jews. it's always been about jews and i'm sick of hearing people wank on about how anti zionism is not anti jew, of course it is you nutters. it's a brand new terminology, but it's most undeniably anti jew.

recently many jews have joined their left wing colleagues in support of the destruction of isreal, and it reminds me of the catholic church during the inquisition, you either convert of die. you either agree with us and join in the vilification of israel or you are a target. 
these useless idiots have no concept of socialist marxist and fascist history, for once isreal is done away with, they will be next. it's interesting to see through the lenses of history how the 'jews' are the canary in the coal mine when it comes to the decline of civilizations, they are the first to be persecuted, but after them it's usually their persecutors next in line. the lgbqt people will be next, then the christians, then the hindu, this has always been the goal of the islamic world. people may assume the koran is the single motivating force within islam, but they only have half the picture. the other half is the prophet mohammed whom is seen as the ideal man by his followers. if you really want to know what's going on, read about the life of mohammed. understand where it all comes from then you can understand where it is going.

i do stand with isreal because now is the time to take a side, and i choose life. that does not mean i feel nothing for the people of gaza, i do. they are victims of their own government and the lies that brainwashes them into killing jews. watch how the united nations funded schools in gaza and the west bank indoctrinate children to become martyrs for the cause, watch the tv shows that are designed like sesame street but promote the killing of jews. research 'pay for slay,' that's where your tax $ goes. the killing of jews, the eradication of israel. 

although i have little belief in judaism as a religion, there are parts i embrace just like all philosophies.
my issue is, i love isreal, what it became, how it evolved and what it stands for now. so i guess that puts me in the firing line and in the minority, but that's where i have always been, always.
so as much as it saddens me it re-enforces what i know. and also what jews now are beginning to see as reality.
i'm not safe anywhere except israel. that is not an exaggeration,  that is fact.

the more you lie about the truth the further away i move from you, and the idiots who fall for that occupation, apartheid nonsense only prove their overwhelming ignorance.  
for the last 30 years the un has waged a war upon isreal, as have it's aid agencies including amnesty which does the same with many countries especially in south america.  it used to be the extreme right but now it's the left and all those who have been influenced by academia, media and the reliance upon the majority, the majority of islamic immigration, voting blocks, civil obedience etc. 
the fear authorities have for the virus of islamism is outstanding, so much that it willing sacrifices it's minority jewish population for appeasement. that's the trade off, which is why i must choose a side on which to stand up with.

the attack upon the victims of october 7th who were visiting melbourne weeks after and the way hamas sympathisers got away with humiliating the families whom lost loved ones was disgraceful and embarrassing. along with 'gas the jews' outside the opera house, and the signature of australian journalists saying they need to view hamas on equal terms as isreal is just globally shameful. it's been noticed and it's already effecting tourism and trade internationally in australia as more and more decent people see australia for being a weak unprincipled country. 

in light of what is happening to the hostages, rapes, tortures and abuse of women and children and now even men the world still cannot condemn hamas. it is holocaust denial in real time. it's racism,  it's a fucking disgrace and you should be ashamed of what you do not do, what you do not speak out against and what you use as moral equivalency.  no one on either side deserves that sort of death. and those that demand proportionality will never get it from jews, because they do not rape, murder, burn, then send the video to victims families and celebrate the deaths of innocents. 
for many years the jews had no home, no army and no way to defend themselves and now they do. half the planet hate that.

i said a few years ago, there is a spiritual battle manifesting in this plane of existence, be prepared, choose a side because you cannot just observe without effecting the result. and here we are, harvard and ivy league professors, administrators all think it's okay to call for genocide of jews and their defence is abysmal, in fact i am embarrassed for them. did you see them before congress?

every weekend there are thousands of protesters demanding a ceasefire, knowing fully well a ceasefire gives hamas respite, gives them a chance to attack isreal again as they have promised. this is the logic of morons. the people inside gaza are just as much victims as isreal, they just don't know this yet because of the mass brainwashing they get as kids and the fear hamas instill in the gazan population. what amazes me, yet is another brutal fact is how europe and america support hamas. 
while i don't want to i can honestly say europes treatment of jews and isreal only proves it still is a nazi regime, although it is good to see geert win the dutch elections, and just like islam embraced hitler, the legacy of the holocaust is paid and funded by europe who loathe isreal's success, sovereignty and survival, it was never in their plan when they gave jews a state. from day one,  europe really though the arab nations would destroy isreal and they can wipe their hands of the jewish problem. the jews and isreal have always been the canary. the litmus test, the gauge by which people will be judged. that's why it has a destiny. that's what holds the country, the people together. and that in reflection is true about the jews, they do collectively, more than ever feel like they have a destiny.

in isreal the left wing were murdered by the people they supported, the people they helped and advocated for. not just murdered, let's be honest, they were butchered and university professors and students support the people who put babies in ovens in front of their parents, who rape dead women and men, who mutilate and torture children and take them hostage.
yeah that's the difference between me and you. 
i won't be celebrating the death of my enemy. 

in wars like this i am drawn to the gita, the incredible wisdom krishna imparts upon arjuna as arjuna doubts the righteousness of his battle with his uncle the night before the war. 
krisha says, 'they are already dead.'
it took me a long time to work out what that meant. now i know, but it gives me no pleasure. 

to be honest all i think about lately is how i wish i could be in tel aviv, on a rooftop with a bunch of weird misfits smoking weed, watching iron dome as we chat about philosophy or politics, or watch a band in mikes bar. anyone who has never been to tel aviv is missing out. the most progressive city i have ever seen, the wildest and most intelligent, a mix between berlin and tokyo but with a middle eastern twinge. a seething mass of multiculturalism, harmony and beauty all disguised as chaos. jerusalem is similar but jerusalem has a history, a serious past where ancient architecture meets the modern where an old ruin has been transformed into something projecting past and future in co existence. it's also filled with ugly trinkets and wares, the market sellers have not changed since the time of jesus and that's one thing even i don't like, they never learnt. however that's a small part of a big wide city, a city that is multi dimensional, it goes in all directions like a chaos sphere.
but my heart is somewhere in the golan, with my cousin, the tantric goddess. we smoke weed, take mescal, read the tarot cards of the local arabs, we drink black coffee and drive into the most amazing landscape i have ever seen along a perfect road that parallels the lake upon which jesus walked. 
i know the gaza strip, i been there, it's not an open air jail. it's far from a concentration camp. it certainty is nowhere as wonderful as it should be thanks to corrupt govts, but it's got beautiful beaches, hotels and resorts. it is densely populated for sure but part of the islamic fascist doctrine is to overwhelm with numbers, it's been very successful for them.  

yeah, i will stand up and be proud of isreal with all it's faults for being one of the most interesting countries on earth.

on the same day as the attack, at the same moment the peace festival was assaulted by hang gliding maniacs i was rushed to hospital for a month.