Friday, June 29, 2012

i must thank some readers for their comments, i do appreciate them, even though some ended up in my spam folder i tried to publish them, although in some cases they were quite old and i have probably pissed you off or upset you, enough for you to no longer follow me, that's cool, i understand, sorry, i don't mean to.
anyways for those that send messages, thanks, sometimes they get lost, i have lot's of trouble with blogger it sometimes looses my posts and comments. 
i have never encouraged commentators, as the blog is primarily my diary or journal, my ideas, projections and thoughts, dreams, fears and sketchbook for my unconscious, i am very surprised people do read and follow me, if you can grasp what i am attempting to do you will understand but none the less, they do encourage me and feed my requirements as a writer, which i guess is to be read.
if you are a new reader please understand that the blog is not me, it can't be, it's just my writing. i'm not out to promote anything, no ideology or compliance to doctrine, everyone should find their own truths. mine spill out as part of a writing process, sometimes it's authentic, sometimes i am in a persona i am exploring, an aspect of myself, most of the time i am not using my mind, it's just flowing from my muse.
even when i'm expounding an idea, it's just an idea, i am not attached to it any more than any other, i don't know if i am right or wrong, i don't care if my idea is good or bad, it just is what it is, an idea, fleeting through my head at the time. i believe everything is fiction, only unconditional love is truth but i also know there are things beyond love, areas of space and time that can be transcended, forces that are cosmic and in our humanity we can barely perceive them but we can feel them intuitively. magick is a way to do this but generally traditional spirituality offers many paths. i believe that god has two aspects, the unknowable which is there, and the knowable which is manifested as the goddess. this universe is the goddess, it is comprised of information, diversity and life. it's purpose is hardwired in all living things, to love unconditionally or at least evolve to a point where it can love all creation including it's enemy in the way jesus may have taught. these acts of love forgiveness and grace allow the goddess to unite with the unknown god and this uniting is divinity. and in divinity we escape suffering, duality becomes the singularity.
that's what i believe anyway, the mind is a trick, a tool that ironically is not needed to know itself, in fact it can't be used, the way it knows itself, that's why the ego is dissolved through spiritual practice in most good disciplines although there are more painful fast cuts it's not recommended to try them. through the mind the universe is infinite possibilities and variation, everything that can be imagined becomes. 
let me just say now, i am still struggling with this process, it's always evolving, always changing as my circumstances change, the ego is a tricky character but i know mine fairly well and i can trick it back these days. 
i don't know that much despite my readings, but i intuit that love is really all you need, unless you're an explorer like me. if you have seen the film prometheus there's a scene at the end where the female character makes an unusual decision. (don't read on if you have not seen it)
there she is having escaped certain death, she's given an option, she can return onwards or go further into the rabbit hole and attempt to get an answer. her choice is the same as the one i would make. i liked that bit, it would be the same decision i would make. 

well 'el narco' left me totally bewildered, a civil war in mexico so that bored yuppies in america can snort their coke and crystal, the war on drugs is not really a war on drugs its a war upon poor communities, the solution is controlled and regulated production of a natural product, marijuana, the prescribed medical use of pure cocaine and the continued ban on ice and crystal but decriminalisation and rehabilitation for addicts, these are mostly chemicals, even cocaine is a chemically manufactured drug these days, although it contains plant material which has been diluted down. 
a poor farmer in the mexico mountains should be paid by the government a reasonable wage to produce his weed and the government can sell it with a tax and put the profit into community. 
i'm confused why this don't happen immediately. what inept force is at work that stop people making good decisions. why can't the manufacture of weapons be banned globally, arms banned, in five years no one needs be killed by a gun, a missile, or a projectile. some one's making a shit load of cash and probability informs me it's the very same governments that fight the war on drugs.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

im outraged by the fact the government wants to fine any business that puts up a 'say no to carbon tax' poster. the proposed fine is one million dollars.
this is fucking disgusting and an insult to any one who is interested in freedom of expression, weather you agree to the tax or not, this law is bad news and for me indicates why this government is the worst i have ever seen. 
if this don't outrage you, then here's another reason.
i work with people who are on the fringe. they are people who have severe mental health issues, and to be honest, they don't get that much, maybe they get a meal, a little money to spend each day, $5-$7 and occasionally they get to have an outing, a drive up the coast but the rest of their lives they are stuck in sheltered workshops or at home where they watch tv and try to keep calm, as the world is just far to complex and fearful for them. 
i get a reasonable wage, it's not a job i do for the money, i do it because i'm good at it and i like it.
i received a memo yesterday from the government saying that they were giving increased funding to the area i work in, $650 million extra.
my client has a birthday and requested he have an outing where he has one on one supervision, he does not get on with the other clients in the house and often they send him into an increased level of anxiety and paranoia. he wants to have a train ride into the city and wander around town hall with me. i was told that the service can't afford it.
this is typical of the way 'labour' works, spending money on services at a management level, creating a big government while announcing their incentives and generosity yet that cash never gets to the clients, it's spent of fucking idiots behind desks who generate paperwork ad nausium.
yeah the liberals had their bad points, i hated howard and downer and abbot but fuck me, at least they had a little spark of integrity whereas what we have now is a terrible display of arrogance and waste. yeah you may be getting a $900 bonus for your new born baby but as we slide into massive debt that very child will be paying for that bonus times a hundred. stupidity rules at the moment here in australia, maybe we have globalised governments, the rest of the planets representatives are equally as ridiculous.
the other main topic is the boats peoples who are arriving, while i personally don't mind people entering australia, it's a big place, i do think the process worked better and was safer under howards government. i didn't at the time, but given what's happened now with the hundreds who drown, i have changed my mind. if gillard had any sense she would concede that the libs got that part off the border protection immigration policy correct. it wasn't perfect but it did save life. 
what's amazing in the heat of all this they blame abbot for it. unbelievable, he's not the fucking government, if anyones to blame it's the greens who continually refuse to accept the reality of the complex situation and hold out for a utopian solution that will not arrive.
i even heard one person in government suggest abbot enjoyed the fact that people are drowning. i mean come on, that's a fucking outrageous thing to say, but do the mighty moral left demonstrate the way they did with howard, do they march in the streets and make demand's, nope, instead they want to ban people demonstrating if it's against them, control the media if it's against them and generally carry on as if they represent the public. the public are furious, businesses are closing down faster than they are opening, states are going bust, taxes up, prices up, there is no more manufacturing, our resources are being sold to china and bought back, and now people are being fined for having a poster in their window.
election now!
not fucking happy julia

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

old dr. crack you rascal, i find out you spent your last night with a shaman woman from the amazon, how appropriate that she was with you in death.
you would have loved the clouds this morning, all azure and saturated in that diffuse light, hanging around waiting for a new condition.
you touched a lot of people old friend, you would be surprised how you effected people with your knowledge and wisdom, you were loved old friend. that's a beautiful thing. i spoke with your brother this morning, the sensible one, he invited me to the wake, i declined, it just seems so civilised having drinks in a restaurant, surrounded by grief and grieving, where as you and i had a strange understanding and i know you would hate all that malarky, but know this old friend, a lot of people loved you because of who you were to them, the wise, generous, larger than life character, you helped them all with advice and legal matters, finance shit and that bullshit, everyone acknowledged that. me, i just loved you cos you knew it was all bullshit and you loved looking at clouds and the surf. you were a bit lost in the woods dr. crack, you were finding your way out and eventually did. anyway's i went out this morning and watched the clouds, they were magnificent, i watched the waves breaking over avalon, magnificent and i read the usual bad news, and i had a caramel coffee in your honour, fuck me man, it's abhorrent to pollute coffee like that, you were slightly demented in that way. 
i miss you.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

40 years ago ziggy arrives, i have been listening to the anniversary edition new master and can't say how impressed i am, i mean the original was pretty brilliant, but this version is really like hearing it anew, the sound is so clear and the nuances off the musicianship shines through. i feel an incredible relationship with this cd, it's part of my history, but to hear this mix is really an exercise in appreciation.
the backing vocals leap out as being outstanding, i'm not sure how they technically do this but it works so effectively. the backing vocalists are bowie, ronson and dana gillespie and they really are quite exceptional.
ziggy is a bit like 'dark side' everyone has two copies, the vinyl and the cd, but it really is worth while getting hold of the new master, it will surprise you in many ways. they don't make bands like this any more, although the church attain the same level of mastery, don't believe me, you were not at the enmore.

george harrison

just watched a fantastic video of a VH1 interview, apparently it was his last ever performance as he played a few songs. but what is really interesting is the content of his dialogue. 
here it is, please listen to it.

Monday, June 25, 2012

i have the unwanted responsibility of breaking bad news to people, as i wander into town i'm flocked by familiar faces who offer sympathy, tears and hugs, grown men weeping openly as they embrace me, 'you knew him better than any of us, what happened?'
i can't answer the questions but i do say we will have to have a big dinner after the funeral where we get together and celebrate the mighty life of the mighty man. 
yeah that goes down well, i break the news to the people in the bookshop, 'ah, he was a lonely man really' they say.
yeah they are right, he was lonely.
they are saddened.
i have to walk into the butcher, a place dr. crack used to hang out quite a lot, it was something he loved, he would drive all over the city looking for hidden away specialists in animal meat, it made him happy. the butchers are shocked, really shocked and in my head i'm thinking, 'but you chop up dead things all day, you must have come to terms with death and life, all the poor animals you hack away at must have taught you something, but these guys suddenly start sobbing.
'does he owe you money,' i say confused at this sudden display of affection.
later a group of people ask me if he was drinking at home when he died. i'm sure he was, i can't say exactly, but he loved his wines, two bottles a night, he loved drinking, i like smoking spliffs, we were an odd couple of clowns, total opposing forces but with a lot of respect for each other. 'maybe he took some pills and ended it' someone asks.
'yeah maybe he did.'
i have to retreat back to mission control, it's to much for me, slightly surreal, as i drive home i start laughing for some strange reason, grief i guess, it comes in strange ways, i can't fucking understand it, it's a beautiful day, why's everyone so miserable, he would have hated that.  
morning comes with it's inevitability, it's a tidal force and sorrow won't stop it, nothing can except death i guess, it's strange as usually i would be meeting dr.crack and we would read the papers and find the small print, between the lines.
reading newspapers is and art form, very few people actually have the skill to decipher news, you need a critical mind, you need a holistic vision that connects unrelated pieces and most of all you need to read the counter piece which you can only do by knowing the memetics of the writers. crack and i enjoyed this as our minds struggled to unravel the lies and deception. most news i have worked out is actually two and a half years old, that's why newspapers are dying. i recently read in one newspaper how james lovelock has said global warming is nowhere what we thought it was and he was wrong, and climate change advocates have based all their research on models which function only to what information they are fed, it's not science. he had actually said this over two years ago but it made the newspaper last week. then yesterday there was an article about the civilian death toll in afghanistan and Iraq under obama being far higher than bush, how this was all hushed up and drone warfare seemed to have less accuracy than conventional warfare due to the disconnect. this was news, i knew about this over two years ago, we often wondered how people seemed to sweep this under the carpet.
the air is cold, it's fresh and my nose and fingers start loosing heat fast, the dog is happy to run free, the surf is gorgeous, beautiful sets rolling in, a perfect winters day basking in that light that comes at the angles that penetrate everything, and i feel alright with the world, my friend has gone but he really was prepared, i led him to some sort of light, we would talk often about krishna, he loved india, he loved indians, he was a hindu more than a buddhist.
down the road i meet my friend evan and his newborn son ryder, we decide that ryder should hear 'dark side of the moon' evan and i share a love for this music, we agree it represents humanity and should really be sent into space. we discuss dr. cracks strange exit, and i wonder if he will reincarnate, i think so, i think he would come back in some form, i'll know him if i encounter him, i will know it from the eyes.
the day marches onwards and the machine that keeps his body alive is switched off, i choose not to be there when that happens, i want to remember him the way we said goodbye, outside mission control, watching a raven after a lovely morning as friends. he was enamoured by what most people would not want to look at, a big black bird chewing a little piece of intestine from roadkill, i felt weird because i can't accept the cars place in nature, and for me it was a philosophical cul de sac but crack just watched this magnificent bird following it's inclinations, free from controls, free from anything except the act of survival. he liked that in nature, the raw brutal honesty, uncomplicated, no hidden agenda, true to itself whereas i just saw a messenger. 
maybe that's just far to much significance, who can know, i don't but my intuition seemed to know, and that's what counts really, my heart has led me into some strange places, my brain can't be relied upon but my intuition is excellent and always gets me through. the only time i am disappointed is when i don't trust it. 
the future comes now, it's carried with times arrow, there's no reversing what happens because we are in this dual universe where the clock tick tocks and the planets revolve in linear orbits, but the future is just a wave, in a beautiful ocean of luxurious life, every breath affirms, life finds a way to move, backwards sideways or forwards, it's all the same thing, raven, squid and man, all the same, expression of diversity, intelligence, consciousness. death is not the end, how can it be, energy just converts and changes, the soul will return to the source, our garments are not ourselves, and in return we will be free from the strange sorrow life brings in knowing.
all we can do is aspire to love, there is nothing more noble than love save forgiveness. these two are inextricably linked. 

Sunday, June 24, 2012

we had spoken seriously about it for the last few weeks, he mentioned several times he had seen enough of humans, he was tired of it all, he was a big and generous soul who lived way beyond his means, he was a shark fisherman at heart, not a shark killer because he loved all creatures but of humans he had little or no respect. he loved me. he spoke about that often, asking me to move to cape tribulation in his big house, he figured we would have a simple life, be free, we spoke about how we both need a frontier town where there are no laws, only the real ones. recently he spoke about his esoteric life, he had dreamed of the gossamer webs connecting nature to man, he told me about how a book called 'i walked with jesus' once saved his life, although he was never religious or pious, quite the opposite he was a transgressive anarchist.
he disliked humans and he could not reconcile the fact he loved me, we became the best of friends and i made him laugh.
he introduced me to his fellowship one time last week, they were at a fancy palm beach restaurant drinking champagne and being reckless and i walked through, getting looks from everyone, being very out of place. he stood up and raised his glass and said to the table, and all in the vicinity, 'this is the most intelligent man i have ever met.'
embarrassing and not true, you know that because you read me, but he was serious and i joined the table and everyone was curious in me, asking me questions. i had just turned up to drive him home as he had been drinking all day, i did that for him occasionally. one of the people there was the producer of roger waters film 'the wall' he was with his dog, we chatted a bit about film. i told him to see 'dead man.'
get this, he wanted to die, he was ready, he said to me 'mission, i have just had enough of it all, apart from coffee with you, there's nothing to look forwards to any more, and i can't bear to watch what's happening to australia.'
saturday morning he dropped me off outside mission control in that beaten up black bmw, we sit in the car watching a raven pulling flesh from some roadkill, we watch, talk a little about ravens, i say, 'i'd like to have a pet raven.'
'they are very intelligent birds.'
and i think but don't say it, 'they are the messengers of death' and i wonder who they are here for.
i knew. deep down inside i knew but i couldn't say anything, i think you knew anyway.
later in the evening around 8 o clock i think about my friend, i think how he must be alone at home, watching channel 9 because he thinks it's the least depressing channel, or reading his book about the man who rows from yorkshire to france, and i think something's not quite right, so i fire off my text, a private joke about lizards and dinosaurs, a throwback to david icke whom he came to loathe as well, and i hope it makes him laugh but i couldn't feel it, and it's all feel with me, he was gone, rushed to hospital, brain dead, they keep him hooked to a machine until his daughter arrives from singapore, and then they will turn of the machine. tomorrow morning. 
but my friend had died a week or so before, i knew it, he wanted to go, he weighed up all his options and he said goodbye to me in his own way, and i will miss him, because he was one of a kind, a rare man, he was my friend. a good friend, slightly tortured by love and the various women in his life.
everyone in town knew him, people couldn't work out how we could be friends, a guy like that and me, people were frightened of him, people respected him, people were confused by him and they were amused by him but the one thing they could never figure out is how come we were such good friends. a man who could spend $500 on a bottle of wine, a man who would think nothing of giving hundreds of dollars to a waitress as a tip, a man who would take me out for a night that would cost $5000, old dr.crack had many strange sides, he was an enigma with his games and strange machinations. the more i knew him the more there was to know, he was prolific, he could talk about anything from the behaviour of insects to quantum physics and ancient indian temples, he was a roadie for ike and tina turner when he was a kid, as an adult he was the highest paid legal mind in australia, he's a gourmet chef and traveller of extreme environments, his favourite place was antarctica and one day we were going to the amazon together.  
his place was in the bush out at bayveiw, fantastic place, filled with art even his speakers were works of art, sculptures that belonged in a gallery, he owned a porche but preferred driving his old beaten up bmw, he always paid for my coffee. 
i met him 20 years ago, we were thrown together in some bizarre cult, we just connected and in all those years we never disconnected, sure there were times when i never saw him for a year or so, but eventually when we met again it was always with some new adventure on the horizon, he would just kidnap me, with his wild evenings out and take me on these crazy nights, he was a man of experience with the poets eye, he would watch clouds, surf and stop to admire a tree or wildlife, he was old school, an australian version of hemingway, a man with a huge appetite, and like me, he had seen to much. 
what do you do when some one like that leaves, let them go i guess, we were due to have coffee together this morning, like we have for the last few months, but he's left this world for the next, and from now on i guess i'll be having coffee alone, vale old friend, i love you dude, we had some amazing nights, good laughs and talks, and i guess we never made it to the amazon together to try those frogs and hang out with the cat people. i'll see you on the other side, and we will have much to talk about, we will have all the answers we need. my dear friend.
orloff, dr. crack, my attorney, my strange enigmatic friend. i surf the galactic highways, i meet beings from every world you can imagine, some pass into the night, some stay and some leave. sometimes you just connect with others, i connected with you deeply, profoundly, you were very intelligent, enough to know the game was just a game, enough to laugh like buddha at our place in the universe, i love your inability to reconcile your best friend was a black jew you loved deeply as much as i love you. 
hanging on in earthly form i know you are gone, with your mystery into the larger one. vale tim clarke.
that raven we saw together, i know what it was, i understood, yesterday evening when i sent that text, the one about the 'university veloceraptors inviting us for dinner' i knew then, i know far to much but that's okay, i don't mind anymore because what is knowing but unknowing, what is an answer without a question. and i am like that now, i'm going to miss you old chap but i am glad we shared such incredible times, you were a kind of brilliant man in a way. another genius, and friend, vale.
as i'm reading about mexico's drug warlords i hear on the news the mexican police have captured his son, only to later admit they got an innocent car dealer instead and may have to let him go. i guess the whole truth will be obscured for a while, who really knows what bed the authorities sleep in, until drugs become legalised and take a legitimate place amongst peoples choices there can be no real control over the fall out. el narco has a chapter called, 'faith' which describes how the spiritual or more accurate 'religious' beliefs have become entwined with el narco. it starts with the church, but spills out into it's sub branches, just like santeria is a catholic hybrid in the caribbean, a mix of folk lore and catholicism, el narco has it's own religions perversion, which has spilled out into poorer farming communities and the populations who are not part of el narco.
el narco donates millions to communities, it employes hundreds and the poor receive more direct assistance from them than they do the government, so herein lies the problem. el narco are the second biggest earners after the oil industry, in fact el narco saved mexico from the gfc.
the kingpins, the barons all have shrines built, often these cost thousands and come complete with religious icons and services, they even have a patron saint. jesus malverde, who supports the poor from exploitation, he even comes with his own history. bizarre that this industry 'el narco' is considered part of jesus malverde's domain, yet when pressed for an explanation el narco defines jesus malverde as akin to robin hood. the bottom line is if you're starving you don't care about where the bread that feeds you comes from. poor people don't have the luxury of choice the west does.
the government has an obligation to look after it's poor and marginalised, it's what allows capitalism to work effectively, it was never the capitalist agenda to hoard and make wealth at the sake of others less fortunate, it was always a system that created wealth to put back into the system, even energetically you can't top a flow and capitalism is based on flow. the mechanics politically in mexico is a dual industrial complex, one where people follow the democratic system the other where it's el narco, this is unsustainable based on the fact el narco kill indiscriminately and are at war with those that get in their way. the government is loosing the war on drugs because it started a war, it should just look at the issue holistically, where there is demand supply can be delivered, mexico can thrive based upon american consumption and no one need be killed.
imagine if a smart government ran australia, if i was pm i'd let farmers grow hemp, i'd saturate the world with it's products, i'd legalise the use of marijuana and limit the use of alcohol to a level of reasonableness, i'd stop fucking mining and start drilling down to 'hot rocks' energy and i'd promote immigration through infrastructure projects like solar panels for the red centre, i'd abolish multi culturalism and promote integration into a smart culture where art, personal liberty and secularism are valued, and a spiritual connection to the universe is a private but supported relationship. i'd stop all taxes and just have a transaction tax, i'd make sure people were educated in the laws of karma and mythology, everyone would have to read 1984 and animal farm and i'd seriously get the population as interested in self directed evolution as possible, in fact that's what skool would be.

so i'm thinking again, the laws of karma are so complex, how can a human mind comprehend them, we set out to do the right thing, maybe not, but what ever we do has an effect, even good intentions can result in bad consequences. 
the road to hell is lined with good intentions so how do you think your way out, it's impossible. which is why i always think you just have to be as true to yourself as possible, work out your own code and go with that, although whatever it is it's probably way off the mark, which is one of the reasons i would like some answers.
philosophy has asked the question for so long now, we are getting close but just like 'prometheus' we run the risk of being eaten alive by birds of prey for eternity for our troubles, or maybe we are already.

Friday, June 22, 2012

forgive me, the negative vibe, it's a side effect of my stupid brain, it has to take everything apart, everything. the last few months have been tricky, i been hermitically sealed in my own juices, mixing with strange individuals, outsider, it's my albert camus period, just flickering on a cave wall. 
i'm intrigued by the prometheus film so i take myself to see it again, this time a few things become clearer, the acting is excellent, the script great, but i also see the homage to the tradition, it's also in the soundtrack which hints at some other classic science fiction films, the film also pays homage to ridley scott's other film, alien exists embedded within this film but blade runner does as well, an android becoming conscious. 
the theme of who the creator is played out by the android, who wants meaning in his life other than the disappointing idea we created him because we could, the fact he is reminded repeatedly through the film by the humans he is only an android, not human and the fact humanity on a quest to find their creators find only the possibility that they are a biological weapon, and the creators want to destroy them, nihilistic to the maximum, very depressing but the heroine, plays her ace card at the end of the film, she has a choice to return to earth but refuses deciding to take herself and the animated head of the android to the creators world. 
i liked the idea that these aliens seeded the world with dna hoping to construct some kind of biological weapon, eventually they must have seeded the alien creature from the film alien, and they must have realised it was far to dangerous, like smallpox. so they return to destroy all the outpost planets they experimented with in case these aliens are created, but on earth we evolved from the black goo seed. it's a good film, only let down by the messy surgical scene and the flame thrower bits of action, i think the story should have been free from action like this, kept cerebral, but i'm sure focus groups in america probably needed a punch up and blood. australian audiences didn't understand the film at all, it was panned by critics for leaving to many questions but to be fair the captain answers all the questions, just listen to his lines.
anyways later i wander down to a bookshop at the rocks, it's called ariel, a name i love and inside i meet a french lady, she's really beautiful, i mean perfecto, so i'm flirting with her and talking about the film i saw last night, woody allens brilliant 'midnight in paris' which she likes. she also talks a lot about milan kundrea whom i confess is a magnificent writer. we do exchange a longing and knowing look but i'm somewhat shy and leave without even asking her what her name is.
it's a cold sydney night, windy and clear sky, like snow falls close the atmosphere has an edge, it cuts into you, but with the thought of a lovely french lady working in a bookshop, reading kundra i feel warm and relaxed, just like that guy in woody's film, romantic at heart. 
maybe i'll go back one day and ask her what her name is.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

driving along the highway, sun comes up over the water, bright orange light comes across the horizon from the rising sun, it's spectacular as it hits the cloud base and sends rivulets of pink through the strange elongated cloud structure, from down here it looks like the feathers of a plumed birds wing, the spirit of quetzalcoatl permutes the day. it's stunning, drenching bone marrow, saturating corpuscle, the ancients take my breath away sometimes, nature is overwhelming.
meanwhile...down in the coffee shop a man comes over and asks if i will sign something from amnesty international. now i am into human rights but i know amnesty is a beast with a forked tongue for it funds counter revolution, it pumps cash into unscrupulous shadow deals, has a very biased view of what countries to target and focus upon, meanwhile the real villains get left out, especially if they have a left wing government that is indistinguishable from a right wing one. amnesty is filled with it's own contradictions just like most agencies but it certainly is not what it appears. however this particular petition is about arms and weapons manufacturing and a call to stop it. ironic that recently i posted my thoughts upon this, so i felt drawn to sign the petition.
later i flicked through the newspaper and saw a new type of warfare, a smarter form of cyber war being played out, very clever i think, at least no one looses their life or limb yet.
in the future war will be fought like this, through zero's and ones, especially when technology finds it's way inside the body. a hacker can just turn the nano particles its put inside your soup from little green atomic molecules of invisible taste stimulaters to razor edged havoc wielding micro machinery. 
chemtrails decimate vast populations or attack areas of the brain which stops critical thinking, societies overdosing on fluoride behaviour modifiers, compliancy regulators stop those anti social thoughts and ideas, oh spread some extra dopamine around when your following the law, reward those who obey. you won't even see it coming, won't even know it's there, it's already there, half the stuff you believe is programmed into you without you even knowing, from the very chemical codes within your dna and neurological networks, to the memes your mum and dad gave you, to the ones skool educated you with and then the wild rampant ones that float around you like some strange virus disguised as ideology. what are we getting angry at? an illusion, a myth, an idea, a replication of reality, a construct.
pkd wrote about this stuff, he saw the future, the now. sooner or later you gotta pull your own plug, swallow that blue pill and wake up, it's just so, tasty in the matrix, just let me have that new (insert your favourite product here). 
i wander out towards the park with my dog, the clouds are loosing their colour, they change fast, light shifts everything towards dull, but old quetzalcoatl floats inside me like a crusty old demon, stretching his wings, looking at the state of man, laughing at our dumb ego driven pointless march deeper into illusion, into shadows on a cave wall, flickering away in candle light constructed energy grids that span the globe waiting to be blown out and show us the darkness 
is just a trick of the light.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

see while i rave on about the united nations and global political bodies rio + 20 indicates exactly what i mean, total waste of time and money and energy, if they actually cared about the environment they would not hold a conference in brazil where they are destroying the rainforest and the people who inhabit it, our politicians are all talk, they look as if they are doing something but they are certainly not doing anything other than use our resources for a giant holiday. environmental bodies are intrinsically political, it's pointless, any political movement will become corrupted, environmentalism is now just politics. 
a few years ago i was invited to an ayahuscia session with some very lovely people. after the session i proclaimed that environmentalism is dead. it existed for a short while as a brilliant concept and worked from the early 60's until the mid 80's but then it became mainstream, just like punk. rebellion becomes money, this is how they do it, while the middle class are glamoured into thinking they are doing the right thing. i also declared it was time for a new movement, a holistic movement that is called the ecology movement. the ecology movement takes everything into consideration from micro bacterial ecology in the gut, to the atmosphere and gaia. it considers industry, education and society and culture, everything has to have a process that is ecological, even technology and art. this is pretty much my idea of reconnecting with the esoteric root from which we have drifted.
my friend peter who is a brilliant plant man, in tune with some sort of cosmic consciousness, my declaration was pretty much for him. i didn't know much about these things, just channelling information i had received. 
peter agreed with what i said, we later discussed how ridiculous the green movement had become, anyway's from that night it seems he has started the ecology movement. 
that was a beautiful night, i was with some very special people and we birthed a new way of thinking about the world, directly from ayahuscia herself. peter is a committed soul who will see things through, he has wisdom and a very beautiful soul. 
me, i'm an ecologist not an environmentalist but i'm just passing through, you are to, let's not leave our mark by trashing the place, let's leave it like we would like it left for us. that's reasonable.

and another thing, if these stupid leaders wanted world peace and for their populations to be safe, why not ban all weapons, just close down all manufacturing of arms and weapons, it's very simple. why don't they do this? 
because that's how they make their cash and you think it was just george w and his haliburton cronies, obama made the selling of arms his foreign policy.

here are the countries that are the worst offenders:

america (well we now the frontier of capitalism starts here)
france (the biggest hypocrites on earth)
russia (not exactly a democracy with dictator putin driving)
sweden (a total enigma, a socialist experiment for the politically correct)
england (a fallen empire)
norway (handing out peace prizes)
germany (well if your going to buy weaponry you may as well get the best)
australia (and you thought it was a mining boom)

disgusting right, these are the countries that make and sell weapons and then when the damage is done they broker peace and lecture people. why do they do it? ask your local mp?

the profits from these industries would be like cocaine profits, soaking in bad karma. 
there's no place in ecology for this sort of stuff, everyones guilty of something, it really is time to stop killing people and feed them. 

when i was 17 i hitch- hiked down from san francisco to mexico city, at tijuana which back then was a shack town, with a dirty bus station and some wayward gringo's like myself hanging out looking for cheap weed and an adventure into the unknown. everyone back in the city told me not to go, they said it was very dangerous, i never saw much danger there yet it was all around me according to 'el narco' ioan grillo's brilliant journalistic examination of the mexican drug wars.
i met a lot of mexican people, mostly poor farmers, we shared breakfasts in run down kitchens in the middle of desert towns, eggs usually tortilla and some milky drink with honey, they offered me places to stay and gifts, leather bags, knives, scarves, i was slightly apprehensive and nervous but it was because my western mind thought these people may slit my throat while i sleep and steal my passport. my head was filled with anxiety but all my american fear i held towards the southern land mass of old mexico seemed to evaporate as i spent time with these people who showed me nothing but generosity and hospitality. 
all i wanted to do was find peyote and introduce myself to quetzalcoatl and xochiquetzal, i was a teenager after all, just read castaneda, anyway wandering around the mountains was quite a lovely serene experience, quite spectacular and there were traces of aztec civilisation to be found, pyramids and rock pictograms and a burial ground that i instinctively knew to avoid, this was untouched terrain off the beaten track, no one wanted to come here, no one ever came, eco tourism had not even been invented.
later when i went to mexico city i felt disorientated by the straight lines of man, big volume buildings and a subway system that was one of the cleanest i'd ever travelled in, i was disorientated by the art museum which held the best art i have ever seen, massive canvas, bright colours and wide staircases, i was disorientated by the traffic and the people swarm, the noise, the pollution above ground that never met the pristine underground, the sheer volume of people moving through and the cosmopolitan culture. i never saw the stuff ioan writes about but it was there being played out under my nose. how sad that a country with so much to offer, so much beauty should be at war with itself. ioan says it started with columbians moving into the business, flooding the relatively peaceful marijuana market with cocaine and thus bringing a brutality and horror. the situation went from bad to worse when the politicians started using the drug wars as an election campaign tool, and a way to control the left wingers who wanted equitable terms and a reasonable deal from the government, cheap housing, health and amenities and when the ever growing cartels (which was an invented term thought up by the media) started hiring the military to do their dirty work. they also hired columbian death squads, and these squads did not just kill the oppositions men, it killed their whole family. these squads did not just use assassination, they used the tactics of terror, and thus mexico became the most violent place on earth, fortunately i had left while all this was occurring. the public were living in total fear as death became arbitrary, the authorities were paid off, corrupted by wealth, those that attempted to change the field and bring some sort of justice were murdered, often in their homes, along with their families, they were killed in the most horrific way so that others would be deterred.  
the innocent had no protection, everything became so corrupt, the police were earning more from drugs than police work. 
and all the while the american demand for cocaine grew and grew as i guess it's highly addictive, the cartels made billions from it, and when meth was added to the mix they made even more and with the increase in cash the more greed spread and directly proportional to that was the violence. 
this is the war on drugs, it's failed miserably. i'm halfway through el narco, and i can honestly say that unless these things become legalised and controlled as part of a taxable income by authorities the crime that goes with dealers and cartels will remain, the war on drugs was never really thought out with consideration. it's a dumb move by dumb people who took a political approach to a human need. the fact is drugs are everywhere, people take them, they always have, you cannot divide one drug from the other when there is demand, you can regulate it. especially when alcohol is legal and accepted.
i am so sad to see what happened in mexico, one of the loveliest places i ever went to, with such great people, they deserve better.
currently the drug cartels target journalists who try to write about it, many have been decapitated, their families murdered and dumped by the roadside as a message to others. cocaine comes with this karma, you can see it when people who use it start talking, you can see it in their eyes, feel it in their energy. until it comes without loss of life i think it really belongs with alcohol and cigarettes. in the dumb drug category.

Monday, June 18, 2012


human beings tend to deny nature self regulates in diverse ways, empires rise and fall, memes come and go, tides ebb and flow, everything is in flux, the more in flux you are the more in harmony you are with nature. embrace flux, change and the holy tao. 
many spiritual people say,'just be.' 
but there is nothing in nature that just 'be's' nothing natural is still, even a rock has billions of atoms whizzing through it, millions of vibrations shooting their way around it, everything in nature is doing, so i always think when i hear people say,'just be' that they are chasing their tails, it's better to just do. nature is not being, it is doing, but not arbitrarily although to the three four dimensional being it just looks chaotic. 
find out who you are and be true to that
find out what you want to do and do that
remember karma, for every action there is an equal and opposite action, you will sow what you reap and reap what you sow, what goes around comes around.
don't interfere with another persons quest to know who they are and don't do anything that interferes with another persons doing unless in agreement. these are good laws towards happiness because cordycepts comes in many forms, it can form as a bad feeling in your mind, a negative destructive meme, you may not physically grow antlers or horns but you may start sprouting some weird fundamentalist type of philosophy, a belief that destroys the hosts and infects it's neighbours.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

missing my daughter i rang her on her mobile number.
'dad, it's the middle of the night, are you okay?'
'yeah, i miss you, just wanted to her your voice and know every things okay.'
'yeah dad, your silly, i love you dad, are you okay?'
'yeah i am, now. thanks sorry to disturb you.'
'hey give pan a hug for me.'
i laugh, 'okay sweetheart'
i put the phone down and returned to reading my book, el narco, about the mexican cocaine wars, but there's something that keeps distracting me, an unformed anxiety, a strange nagging idea that something is wrong. i put it down to my body requiring a coffee, so i grab a lead and wander out into the damp morning with pan. 
he's looking a little bored by all this rain, i think he may require a bone or something to play with, at least he can run around a little in the park. 
later i scan the papers, not much news in them, just the usual, i read some arts stuff, i'm thinking the government should really fund the arts some more, especially film and music, maybe give the church a grant to make a film, i float of into a daydream, but something is bugging me, something just not right. i drink my coffee and buy some home made lentil soup to take home for lunch, the rain starts again so i trudge through it, pan and i both disappointed that it's wet and miserable, our options are limited. i always carry a book with me, so i turn pages, while walking, while throwing pans ball. 
suddenly as i turn into my street i realise what it is, a strange awful sick feeling in my guts as i pack the book away and put pan on his leash jogging home. 
i don't have a daughter, who the hell was i speaking to, how did she know pan.
i throw down my stuff and grab my phone, the number i called appears on my screen, i'm conflicted about dialling, it will be the middle of the night in london but i call anyway, two three rings before a sleepy voice answers, 'dad, it's the middle of the night, what's wrong now?'
'who are you?'
'it's me dad, its the bloody middle of the night, three o clock, you woke me up.'
'what's your name?'
'it's ariel.'
'ariel, like the little mermaid?'
'dad, what are you doing, i have to get to sleep dad, i have to get up in three hours.'
'will you call me later'
'yeah dad, please don't worry, i have to go to sleep, we can talk later.'
i hang up, still confused, i should have waited until the morning, until we could have cleared it up, i didn't know what to say, but the sound of her voice did sound familiar, it was soft and gentle and the name ariel, if i did have a daughter that would probably be her name. i smiled, it felt good to have a daughter, even if i didn't, i returned to el narco and gradually i fell back into a deep sleep.

the madness sweeps through sydney, politically correct green zombies from the united nations have decided that in skools, kindys and playgrounds, children cannot touch one another.
reports come in from all over the city, here's an example of some.
- at a kindergarden in sydney two children who are really good friends are playing together, one falls over and hurts himself badly, the other attempts consolation by putting his arm around the injured person and hugging him, telling him everything will be okay. witnessed by a teacher the boy is suspended, warned that if he repeats the contact with another classmate he will be expelled, the outside friendship is not considered and the ban on all contact is final.
- in skool in the west a girl walking along the corridor drops a cardigan and the boy behind her calls out after her, she does not hear so he runs up to her, with the cardigan, taps her on the shoulder and informs her she dropped the cardigan, returning it as a true gentleman would. witnessed by a teacher the boy is suspended for touching another student.
- two friends high five one another at lunch break, both suspended.

in all cases parents discuss the incidents with the teachers and heads, all parents are told they should move their children into other skools if they have an issue with the rule.

in one skool the 9 year olds who were suspended actually organised a peaceful protest, holding hands with sympathetic children during lunch. these children were given detention.

okay so it's not massive life threatening news, but along with the gillard / green party's movement to compulsory scan children for psychiatric issues at five years old, i think we are seeing the kind of social engineering that we should be very worried about.
my point here is who watches the watcher, the state watches us, but who really watches them, once they control media, education, distribution of wealth and this governments obsessive need to make people dependant upon them, who will watch big brother watching us. while i believe in a good safety net for the poor, for people who are in need i think cases should be considered individually. i do not like what i have seen in england where people are born into a culture of entitlement, the state does everything form birth to death, i think this is quite dangerous and spiritually fatal. 
i felt this when i was there last, my diagnosis was a spiritual illness, i wrote about it, spoke about it and was ridiculed for it, until the riots started.
as europe pretends to prepares it's options, the options are reduced to one. that's the way it has been engineered, part of the agenda, i've written about this before many times, even attempted to warn people but what can you do, people stick their heads in the sands or obsess about jews, lizards or illuminati, which were just distractions and part of the sleight of hand tactics to distract you. the real enemy is the united nations agenda 21 and the codex. it's all there in black and white, no mystical force at play, just politics, control and power. 
the euro currency was a bit like putting a horse before the cart, every one used the same currency but the infrastructure was completely different, now they will have to change the infrastructure. this means becoming one country, a federation, ruled by brussels, everyone follows the same laws, same tax, same retirement age, the identities of individual cultures are absorbed into one and before you start thinking, yes but that's a good idea, let me just add cultural globalism will only function at the lowest vibration, globalism is where evolution will stop. it was only thanks to the diversity of europe that it ever expanded. while this may have been a destructive force historically it was inevitable that man explore beyond his shores. what is known is we will all have to step backwards to the way our grandparents lived as this happens. i'm uncertain if this is good or bad, but the fact governments have much more power and are unrepresentative of the populations makes me think it's bad.
how are they doing it?
while we are all looking up at the big picture, watching the big government game what has your local council been doing? 
that's how they do it, from a council level agenda 21 is being implemented. in sydney the councils just milks us for cash, it makes the use of cars harder, it does not improve public transport, making movement difficult. it designates environmental protection above peoples rights, yet this is a selective process, there's no problem coal seam gas mining in your back garden, they can just demand access and frak your land to bits. look at the shipping lanes the government has created to get shipments to china faster, they destroy the coastal areas of far north queensland while at the same time they present massive ocean reserves that stop fishing families making a living. we see it on the news as big ocean reserves and think, brilliant idea, but we don't see the large picture because the critical thinking faculty has been obliterated by the education process, which dumbs people down creating, zombies. where are the intellectuals? certainly not at university anymore.
anyways, what's the solution, i guess it's to look at all sides of the shape, get the angles, be critical of power and control, left and right, believe in a higher law, find out who you are and be true to that, loose your mind in nature, follow your heart, love your enemy, and finally i believe that the universe is a living intelligence that has a plan we can't even begin to comprehend so smoke some nice organic weed and rejoice in its beauty and magnificence. that's it.

Friday, June 15, 2012

one morning the night started leaking through
i was trying to stop it, sticking my fingers in the holes but there were so many, i just gave up and watched it all happen. i was with pan, we were heading down to the beach, i like to wander down there in the early hours of morning, check the surf, watch the surfers, grab a coffee, read the papers but i'd only just left the house, was throwing a ball for pan, when quite unexpectedly night poured into the day. the whole thing took about five minites.
obviously at first i was taken by surprise, just the weirdness and the scientific implausibility of it all, but after a while as it filled into the rest of the day i just accepted it and carried on walking into town. people passed me and neighbours came running out of their homes, children carrying half eaten toast, dad's scratching their heads clutching the financial section of the newspapers, i attempted to explain it to a small crowd of mums pushing prams but they just looked as if i was a madman. 
it was obviously some strange astronomical effect, a kind of eclipse type event.
sirens wailed in the distance, a helicopter flew low over the coast and i watched the surfers come in from the ocean, all looked glad to be on land, all seemed equally as baffled as the spectators. lights were coming on in homes, cars driving along switched on their headlights and a few shops lit up along the high street. i wandered along to my favourite coffee shop, the garden cafe where they play brian jones town and the dandies, where the coffee is always good, where i fell in love with a exotic customer in a purple coat as she waited for her take away latte, but today she was nowhere in sight and the papers lay scattered across the tables, as customers discussed the strange event.
they rush up to me, 'what's going on' pleading for an answer. 
i shake my head, 'don't know, the night just leaked in.'
people whispered and murmured to others, a man said to his wife, 'it leaked, that guy said it just leaked right in.'
everyone seems to be discussing this and eventually it is accepted as a legitimate. people return to their newspapers and lattes, the waitress starts serving the long queue that has formed, housewives return to their duties, husbands to their cars.
i sit down and wait for my coffee, wondering if the day is really starting or ending.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

your future looks bleak, i have seen it, it has been sold to you through the twin masks deception and lies, you have been force fed confusion and its symbiotic twin distortion.
you think you have the picture in focus but it is far from what is really going on. you clutch at straws, only to find these are not straws but mighty weights designed to drown you in conspiracy and division, you become the host for the weapon, the meme war, you circulate it, you are the weapon of mass destruction, you can't see the truth as your critical thinking faculty has been dismantled by fear, by division, by design.

in the near future cash will be null and void, money has almost reached its use buy date. for those that fear 'money' and those that are critical of the current system take note. the new money will be credit based around energy. every single transaction will be based around this idea, the world will have an energy grid in which we will all be tapped into and trapped within, don't believe me? it's already being constructed, did you not attend the public meeting? the one where they passed resolution 21, oh that's right, we all live in a democracy, the united nations are our elected representatives? what you mean they aren't?

every single product to service will be based around this new currency, however the problem with this idea is it is even more controlling and corrupt than the current cash one, that's why i laugh at the green left who for some reason appear to trust implicitly those they hand their power to.
at least now you can opt out of the cash game by just dealing in cash, horde it under the bed, pay for everything in cold cash or just get off the matrix as a number of my friends have. you can function under the radar as i do, you can slip between cracks, you can elude attention, you can be diverse and oppositional but we have reached critical mass, the system is falling apart, we all know it, so do they.
the banks will run the new credit economy, they will control us much more effectively via this method than they can with cash.
how will they do this?
they have done it.
global warming is all sleight of hand, it's nothing to do with science and everything to do with political power. the worlds population must be reduced, that's the agenda, the food shortage is coming, that's controlled from the united nations, the numbers crunched, models calculated, the collapse of all sovereign states, already happened in europe, the lisbon treaty, most english people don't even know what it is, if they did the queen would be hung for treason, ex pm gordon brown confessed his government set out to destroy england via uncontrolled immigration following un directives. europe is fucked, not just through uncontrolled immigration but through the failure of their governments to look after the interests of their people. when the governments are caught out the people rebel and overthrow the government, however who steps in to get us out of the mess, the same unelected officials that fucked it up, the technocrats. 
you think you are doing the right thing, the higher path, the more liberal attitude the more generalised approach, you are a globalist, you care about the planet so the memes you run are caring ones, well intentioned memes line the road to hell.
you have been sold a lie, the very environmental movement, the left wing, and to a lesser extent the right, all want the same thing, the total control of humanity, and the method is fear. divide conquer, saturate the info war with contradictory information, create division, until the left and right look the same, control the media, education revolutions mean indoctrination is not currently working therefore we must brainwash you further, the only legitimate education revolution is run by ken robertson, whose ideas were rejected by the labour government of tony blair, because they would have set us free as individuals and that is the very thing the authorities don't want. 
read 1984, we are the dead, have your child scanned by some socialist authority for a mental illness at the age of five (this is the new gillard plan) imagine a world where mental health is standardised, goodbye great works of art, man it's so, que the irony, depressing. abolish alternative healing methods, create new anxieties, it's not just the banks who have humanity in their sights your friendly neighbourhood drug company does, lets get people herded along into their nice little units and boxes. jesus!

australia is about to launch its carbon tax, apparently it's going to save the planet.
it's not even going to save australia, it's just going to increase the cost of ever single thing for australians while china and india pump out more pollution from products they buy from us. taxing carbon won't make any difference whatsoever, it would be more sensible to ban the consumption of beef, therefore more forest would not be used for grazing less cows bred, less methane emissions. besides the science that is behind global warming is incorrect as it's based upon models, not science. sure there is a change in the climate, but that's called weather. sure the environment of our planet needs to be a priority, but lets do it sensibly and reasonably two qualities bereft from political ideologies running canberra.
australia just borrowed billions more from the banks, and it offers 300 million dollars from that loan to afghanistan for the next ten years nation building. it would have been cheaper to have paid the taliban a million each just to go retire in las vegas or on a boat cruising the med. europe paid off the plo to stop bombing in their counties and hijacking their planes and cruise ships, it worked. 
australia wasted 100 million dollars to buy a seat on the un security council for which we get a certificate saying wayne swan is the best treasurer on earth. millions wasted on pink bats, millions wasted on school buildings and large government departments that don't actually do anything, millions wasted on a broadband network that has already been superseded.
why the waste?
because that is fundamentally the difference between left and right, the right are prudent and focus upon keeping the nation out of debt, the left are irresponsible because it's not their cash. 
to me both are nuts, i think governments are all pathologically insane, i think that about most humans and people have said that about me, but the fact is no matter what position is taken if it's not reasonable, it's doomed to fail. yet unlike the pervaders of conspiracy theories i have the solution.
it's an ancient one i borrowed from kabbalistic and hindu traditions, it's known throughout the world and can be expressed in one law. 
commonly known as the law of karma.
if you are reasonable and reasonably minded, then do what you will.
it's that simple. if you decide you want more than your share then have it, karma will take it away eventually, if not from you then from your descendent, maybe the guilt will just activate a self destruct gene. 
everything has a karmic value, even energy, so perhaps when i am ruler of my world, i will make only one law for mankind and it won't have anything to do with money or energy. 
you see this laws, the law of karma is universal, it's very real, what goes around comes around, it's an essential fundamental inarguable truth hardwired into our future.
if you eat an animal that has been treated cruelly it's going to have a karmic value, although just eating it will have some negative value. if you snort a line of coke, it's going to have a karmic value, everything you do or say will have a value, same with your intention, forgiveness and acts of mercy, kindness and being reasonable. these will make you rich in my world. it's really simple, elegant and works, just try it for a life, get back to me with your thoughts. 
the beauty is no human mind can understand the machinations of karma, the intricacy of its mechanics, it's so complex it takes a universe to make it happen and yet here we are, in our circumstances, looking at stars together, feeling the beauty, sharing the truth, not really divided at all.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

okay i'm having a break from stephen baxter, he's mighty weighty, both in concept and style, i love what he does, it's a huge scale and he looks at it from an interesting perspective, humanity at the end of evolution needing a redemption, feeling guilty for all the suffering that has gone before, the weight of human suffering weighs down upon them like unresolved burden, a gravity from which there is only one escape. pulling out a quasi religious concept through science baxter succeeds as a novelist and science fiction writer. the ending was unglamorous and he avoids the sexy temptation of a final conclusion. i liked where he took me, pondering evolution, it's many branches and the fact at some point it will end in a singularity. what happens then.
very good book, 'transcendence' the third in the series but second in the xeelee time line.

i take a break and am now in el narco, by ioan grillo an english writer / journalist who has written a harrowing report on the drug trade in mexico from the growers and traffickers to the police and political implications, its brutality like you would not believe, it will make you think twice before you snort your next line, all you coke freaks who wank on about how politically correct you are should fucking fly over to mexico and apologise personally to the families of the dead for your dumb choice in drugs, if reading this book won't make you think before you snort that line of glamour then nothing will. tens of thousands of deaths for you to put that into your nose. i hate coke, i don't like coke people, and now i know why, there's a karmic value attached to feeling good with it. the women i have met who use it are actually worse than the men but that's just my opinion and i'm only two chapters in. cocaine and ice are not marijuana. cocaine has its place, i know that, but certainly not under the conditions that exist now. if you have any humanity just say 'know' because the cocaine you snort up into your nose cost far more blood and misery than you want to even know about. actually misery don't even come close to describing the brutality and violence attached to it, why, so you can feel good for a fraction of time, talk shit and inflate your ego. forget it sister, snorting coke under the present circumstances, you're holding the smoking gun.

krishna say's to arjuna, 'they are already dead.'

arjuna feeling anxious and reluctant before the battle with his cousins who were tyrants ruling over a disputed territory, he stands on the hilltop looking down knowing much blood will be spilt.
'how can i fight my own family, my friends and teachers, a part of me' he asks.

those hindu love gods were hardcore, they called a spade a spade poetically, when it comes to loving and fighting, when it comes to duty. no compassion there, nothing but acceptance, the fatalist surrenders to a higher power and does his / her duty, what is our duty anyway, maybe duty is what fate brings us, war and love. maybe our duty is only to die well, hows that for a fatalistic attitude, i guess one should live well then. 
what does that mean, live well?
live without fear, for only the body can be killed, try to love well, be creative, attempt to beat your own demons, yeah that's kinda it really, later in the gita he describes how to do this effectively.
krishna also says, don't be attached to the results, here we have a fundamental truth, a magickal act. krishna is a manifestation of arjuna's higher self, the guru aspect, the godhead, the sum of all potential, the result of millions of incarnations. to do your duty will set you free, is that what voltaire said, i think he did in a different way.

when krishna reveals himself he does so in one of my favourite images ever, i think it's a magnificent image captured by above. 
could duty be will, as in magickal will?
i think it is the same thing, when true will meets duty meets fate destiny is born.
the quest still remains what is ones will, the answer can be found in ken robertson's brilliant book about education, the element, true will is doing what you love doing. it's the one thing you do that obliterates time, hours can pass and you be unaware, it's known to the body, you're body is naturally pushing you in that direction, your almost forced into it unless your unlucky enough to be in an education system that destroys it. it's not necessarily your passion but it's close, it's when the mind knows, it's when the mind is what you're doing, it's part zen and part everything, it's what the mayans called 'eight division sky place' it's pretty much following your intuition to it's natural conclusion. 
develop that through yoga and meditation, practice karmic yoga, be free from self imposed restriction.
often i return to the sages, just to remind myself what i already know, often i flick through all these wise words from various traditions, i take out the crap, the fat, 'the thou shalt nots' for what is left is everything. soon i will explain the kabbalistic meaning of the old testament, i will attempt it, but it is a very tricky concept, it may take the rest of my life, it may take one post, who knows anything when you know everything, not me, i know nothing.