im am a mess this morning, sleepless and filled with sadness as i struggle to come to terms with the illness and circumstances of the people around me, why can't i help, why am i so inadequate to do anything, i have to do something, these people are to fucking good, i need them around me, i need them close because then i'm not just a freak, out here on my own, these people are my tribe, my brothers and sisters, i love them with all my heart, and it's killing me to see you suffer. i can't do anything more than love you. i love you all. you know me. you been through it with me, you know what i am, what i represent, you know my soul, you know my spirit, you know my nature and you know my life and my deaths, because we are from the same fabric. i've let it all go but i have a vast ocean of passion that is limitless so now i'm fighting for you all, fucking fighting in my own quiet way, i fight and fight and fight and i will never stop. never until all you you are liberated from the suffering of existence. don't be fooled by the glamour, don't succumb to the penetration of men who will give you the poisonous apple in the shape of a champagne bottle or a line of coke, dumb drugs are for dumb people and you are not dumb. the death wish is for the chosen few, those who can understand the magnetism symbolically. those who can look death in the eye and make peace. those who have been reborn enough times to say, life is what i chose, love and life. and only then is it a good day to die.