unreachable, i yearn for the impossible, my desires are unobtainable, my wishes unfulfilled, my sorrow without end, my joy is shallow, the words don't add up, the numbers don't make sense, my lover is my enemy, my enemy is my friend, my killer sets me free my jailer releases me, the gods have banished me from their heaven, the demons embrace my liberty, the terror of death excites me while the horror of life bores, my spirit is deep and dark, my light is fading fast, my head is filled with emptiness, my eye's only see what they can't, my mind is not mine, what's mine is yours, what i want i cannot have today, tomorrow is another way, every step forwards takes me back, every step backwards brings a new challenge, every challenge brings an old friend and every old friend brings a new beginning.
it's relentless, pursued by shadows, dreams, yearning and hope, the brute will to survive everything, to transcend the whole game, to finish somewhere good, to have a happy ending, so that when i close my eyes and my spirit starts it's journey home, my last thoughts will be ones of love. did i love well, did i love right, did i always give my best to those i love. i don't wanna be thinking about failure, misery or a life unfulfilled. i did the best with what little means i have, and at the end of the day it's just a karmic concept, one that i complete this time, a long journey into the night will eventually bring you to a sunrise.
i walked today, a long walk into a why town, i was with miss cupcake as the mundane world passed us, she was not there, lost in some thoughts, sleep deprived and looking forlorn, i did not want to disturb her or intervene, sometimes you gotta follow your thoughts, but she looks so beautiful, and her mind is like a sabre, chopping through everything and leaving perfect slices, it's analytical yet lucid in the esoteric, feelings and intuition, all fighting to be heard, she's brilliant and today although she was well out of reach she was something to wrap your arms around and hold onto.
that's it i guess, that's what there is.
now i sit here awaiting the massive tasks that lay ahead, just like jason without his argonauts i am on a quest for a golden fleece, only we all know the metaphor, we all know his challenges, the sirens, the hydra, the cyclops, one by one they come and one by one i bind them to me.
thursday friday i'm recording with val, the mandolin part to my song, the chorus i hope with backing vocals and the japanese drums. it's a mighty song, it's going to sound epic. friday night i have to help host an ayahuscia circle, with new extra potent medicine fresh from amazonia, saturday morning i see wendy the white witch for some lessons in extracting elemental spirits and i'm hoping that she will be able to teach me some of her wisdom. sunday it's work.
yes i am spread thin this weekend but in my heart you are always there, your cute face and radiant smile, your quiet ways, the ones you seem to think let you down, your distorting is given power by this belief.