cold turkey what a fucking horror. it's not the romantic fucking thing you read about, it's three days of horror, despair and fear. it's vampyric energy corrupted inwards, the body in revolt, the creeping flesh becomes trickery as it deceives it's host. you will never know such a thing, as the mind starts to betray the sensory system falls apart, i remember the lights driving me mental, a single lamp penetrating my head like a searing razor blade aflame in pain. i shivered like a frozen bird, i sweat like a cooked one, i was extremity in rebellion, my eyes burnt holes in the walls, and my hands shook as i drunk water and threw up the food she brought me at the ceiling. nothing would stay inside me, i'd been living on ice cream for a year, the idea of food made my guts crunch. all i could do was smoke hash and shake myself asleep. you would wipe my face with a damp towel, sometimes you would sleep with me, sometimes you would whisper in my ear, you always looked after me, i was ungrateful then, somewhat selfish but you were saving my life, i was in your debt and it made me weak, pride is a dumb concept between lovers. i never begged you for a hit, i never said anything vile or aggressive, i just met your eyes and knew. it wasn't love that saved me though, it was will. i found something inside me that was stronger than the need, i saw the light baby, and it set me free, i saw my light, not some born again fantasy, not some religious concept, but the light was pouring out from me. i laughed and laughed when you said three days had passed, i fell asleep for 72 hours. i showered and my body felt strange, my vision had shifted, i was seeing things i had never seen, i could see the heat in the room, i could hear clarity and my sense of smell had become acute like an animal. i had a hunger, a need for sugar, i ate so much sugar, chocolate bars you bought a bag full, those bloody toblarones, i must have eaten 7 big bars before i stopped. i had another shower and put on my suit, i looked in the mirror but could not recognise the stranger staring back. i looked at you and you looked so sad. i saw your kit laying there, a syringe a spoon and that silk cord you liked to use. you freed me but not yourself, you tried but your will was not mine, you were fragile, it was all front. damage control as you flew around, the glamourous life, the air hostess that saved my life, just like in that song.
i tried my best to stick around, i tried to liberate you from the affliction but you were enslaved. the poppy had you bound and gagged to it. i said goodbye, i kissed you on the lips and bit down hard, you started to bleed and i walked out with that taste on my lips, you were crying like a baby and i walked out the door onto reichenberger strasse, with my passport and my papers. i never looked back gabrielle, until now.