love has returned like a friendly ghost, a familiar presence around me, i don't quite know how this happened, i'm usually very aware of romantic feelings and the energies around them, the last ten years have been pocketed with them but i'm also aware that it would take a remarkable person to reciprocate and uphold and inspire my own genius, rather than crush it. very few people can do this, long term due to my mutable and multiple personas who often need expression in their domains, but the upmost principle is one of safety. i always said i was the type of man who could marry a whore or a nun, it makes no difference as long as i feel safe.
suddenly i feel safe and it's good.
i have a mass of things that need saying and i need someone to listen. that requires skill in itself for very few people listen any more, most post scribe it with a judgement or some comment about my state of being. i'm finely attuned, i know my state of being better than anyone, what i need is just the freedom to express it face to face without some weird side effect.
i know that time is coming closer, the seconds tick tock their way around the clock yet somewhere in time and space it has already happened. i'm already where i want to be.
emilie has the brain but has destructive urges and a need for high drama, it would be dangerous and therefore attractive but it's not really where i am at, although she possesses a spiritual dimension now i really like. she bought her house on my words which is a big call. now she wants me to go to guadda lumpa lumpa land and stay with her.
there are various others around me at the moment but the only person i really love in a romantic sense is miss cupcake. utter madness. what the fuck!
how did this happen, fate, destiny, some weird practical joke, did she slip me a pill in my tea, what kind of voodoo is this?
love your cluster fuck.
im entangled in mine.
i have two choices here, one is to detangle myself which i can do at this moment, given the position of the stars, my aura and general disposition towards life, the other is to go in deep like a submarine and see what happens hoping that the friendship remains intact. i don't know how this works when you get to this point, it usually just explodes in my face, fuck i don't wanna repeat history here, i don't wanna make mistakes and bad choices, i have made so many with the best intentions.