nicole 2
ha i think i first met you when i had nothing, no home, no possessions, no money. a guy called wayne forced a sauce pan upon me, it was my only possession. you must have felt sorry for me or i left an impression upon you.
years later when i was settled we met a few times, i remember taking you out to my favorite bar in the city, we were drinking white russians and you pulled out a cigar. we played backgammon in a little booth and flirted around like drunk lovers before rolling home.
we were always close as friends but then we separated for a long time, i think you went to live in new zealand with some playboy.
i don't know how it happened but you rang me when i was living in palm beach, you said you wanted to visit me for three days while you were in sydney but you ended up staying for three months. we drunk a lot of absinthe under the stars and our boundaries dissolved. they were great nights. you rearranged my whole home, it looked fantastic you were falling in love with me but them you saw my shadows, you warned me not to mess with the cosmos but it was far to late, you did have some perception, you made a good scarlet woman, you met my other girlfriend and like all poly relationships i have had, you both decided eventually that i was some kind of pawn to be played. but neither of you knew i was broken then, already defeated, i was not even on the road to healing, the last thing i could think about was anything serious.
at least you were honest, you said i was selfish and i said i needed as much love as i could get. we remained friends until you tried to sleep with my other girlfriend, a girl i hadn't even slept with. yeah she was beautiful and i don't blame you but all that sneaking around was unnecessary.
you went back to your playboy mansion, i moved onwards.
it was never love but it was something, maybe just need. i had a need then and nothing could fill it.