all things spiral, time, space and consciousness but i to spiral, my life follows a path i can't quite see yet i feel it is there, every once in a while i end up on some detour or tangent, and often when i think to myself, what the hell am i doing here, it becomes obvious why i am here. the more time i live in the consensus reality the more vindicated i feel, glad not to be part of it, glad that myself and a handful of friends manage to stay out there at the edges bring a shamanistic perspective to things. the more events repeat the closer they get to where i wished them to be, and i am asked by people what is your desire, i've sought them all my friends, sex, love, money, fame, popularity, power, cars, washing machines, etc, but these are meaningless now, beyond mere objects and impulsive. sure there are moments when i have no cash and have to wait three to four days before i can get some but i'm lucky, people look after me, i have great friends who really do love me. i know this, plus i have the universe at my disposal. i usually manage to attract something into my life that i can put to good use.
desire is lessened, the wanting of things dissipates, as i spiral around there is less desire, less need to sate, my hunger becomes something empty that i don't need to fill, another void around my spiral, my direction is infinite.
we seemed to have an infinity moment at the ceremony, it came up a lot, pete mentioned it often and i listened and responded.
infinity is a paradoxical concept, it's beyond the human brain to contemplate because it would result in a mathematical formula that no one could really understand, however it makes perfect sense when you consider the scale of the universe and the dimensions it operates within.
my universe is not so infinite, it basically revolves around finding my girl, and retreating from the madness, just living out my days in sanctuary. i've done everything i really thought i wanted to do, i've seen enough and it's all been brilliant but at the end of the day there aint nothing better than laying in the arms of some one you love and falling asleep or gazing in their eyes until you see something you can live with. the eyes are the key to the soul, i always think they are the doorway and i don't like looking in the eyes in civilian life due to my issue with doors, but there are special times when i do and i have to say those moments are infinity to me.
a long time ago, maybe 22 years ago, my first year in australia i was at a wedding and in a line to wish the groom and bride. i was pretty young and not very experienced at wedding etiquette, i was with my wife at the time and she went to kiss the groom i went to kiss the bride and as i did our eyes met. fuck me dead!
i'd never seen such magnificent eyes, and i just said really loudly to the bride but loud enough for the crowd, 'you have the most amazing eyes i have ever seen.'
i didn't understand why everyone got so upset, new husband suddenly became all territorial, my wife got all embarrassed and flustered and the bride was just looking at me astounded but the truth was her eyes were amazing, green and black speckles, just like a milky way, or a spiral galaxy, i saw the cosmos in those eyes and recognised it. i wanted to run away with that woman, i can't even recall her name but she and i have unfinished business.
so infinity can also be finite i guess, it's just a perception.