everyday i chose one card from the deck and today i pull the death card which also means rebirth, it's the symbol of detachment and release which is pretty much where i am anyway, it's a good card to pull today, feels correct. i am very excited about the next growth period i face, becoming more of who i am as i let people and situations go with as much ease and dignity as possible, detachment is a form of objectivity that includes caring. i can't help but care. every ending an opportunity for a new beginning and something new to emerge.
i feel very much like something is ending and something is beginning today, it's a good feeling, i like this pregnancy, i like the potential unlimitedness of this, a little fear on the edge and a little bit of hope, who know's what rabbit i could pull from this hat, it's not a rabbit surprise, it's a giant octopus.
death rebirth, always good, always an interesting moment.
the big problem for me is my entanglement of the heart, and then i wonder... is it a problem?
it's not anything like a problem, just a situation, i guess it's stupid to attach a desire to it, it's just what it is. but there is desire and it's pulling me seven different ways, it's the desire for a future, a safe one with that girl, those birds. it's a strange journey i've taken, pulled apart by my own power, ripped asunder in a few e mails and words, logos. you don't know what you want any more, it's all a veil of tears past that, the only thing you can count on is the one who says she loves you. the rest is just a distraction pulling you into a quagmire of despair and trouble, just like the clique you run away from. you need a holiday mission, you need to get away and just sit down somewhere quiet, swimming and eating coconuts, fuck mission you're halfway through this life, you done everything you need to, you done to much, you really did suck the marrow out and spat it back, you hacked the cosmos, you tore everything apart and reconstructed it and now you need a moment where you can do nothing, feel the wind, the water, see the strange exotic faces of the people, look for familiar eyes with a familiar friend, escape this stale culture and intoxicate yourself with something unfamiliar, it's time to say goodbye and i say hello. rebirth.