woke up this morning and the vortex was at my door, a swirling universe stretching out to infinity where a black hole sucked it through into another. 
i knew  penetration would be tricky, i got agent atlanta to crunch some numbers. she came up with something that resembled cake.
'what's cake,' i said? 
'cake is like pi but weirder, it's completely non logical, mathematics at a dead end. i suggest you use a witch mission, i'm a number cruncher and these numbers don't add up, subtract or divide. in fact they are no longer numbers.'
'fuck, maybe agent stone can crack it she's got the pointy hat voodoo and broomsticky blues. i summon her through some holographic trickery, she's playing with some furry folk. 'hey, agent stone, how can i...?'
'you can't. give it up mission, it's fucking impossible. there are limits to everything, it's about time you learnt that lesson.'
i dial up agent wild. 
'hey agent wild. got any ideas?'
'drugs may work, what about those amazonian ones you like.'
'yeah, that's a good point but i'm feeling frail. couldn't take being knocked about by some hard core class a compounds.'
my head hurts. i lay down and sink into a deep sleep. 
'fuck it mission, wake up dummy.'
i can hear the soft spoken whisper penetrate the deep. i'm on the end of a line, nibbling on bait, a small fish in a big ocean. i'm nibbling on something, when the voice whispers, 'it's time to wake up.' 
the hook pulls me from some strange dark cocoon and i no longer feel safe. am i awake?
'calm down,' speedsexy says.
'what the fuck just happened?'
'you needed assistance right. here i am.'
she's wearing a black ninja outfit, smoking a joint which she kindly passes to me. her other hand offers me a steaming cup of coffee. i take both.
'you wanna jump the vortex mission. i know how. drink this, smoke this, then we can talk.'
seems like a reasonable sequence of instructions and my indecisive brain can't cope with my two fave substances wafting temptingly in front of me, and then there's speedsexy in her ninja suit all dark and mysterious my poor synapses are stuck like a needle in a vinyl groove. 
a few minutes later i'm up and we sit at the table sharing the joint.
'technology won't assist you with this, in fact anything man made won't work, you need to abandon all ideas and start thinking irrationally. the more nonsense you throw at it the more fixed the bridge between universes.'
'is it a bridge?'
'no it's actually a portal but a bridge is nicer word. it's swings and roundabouts mission.'
'okay so how do i think non rational?'
'the coffee we just drank was laced with some very interesting chemicals that will kick in in about 15 minutes.'
'oh fuck, did you just give me your medication.'
'hold hands and hold on, it's going to be a wild ride.'
speedsexy smiled and her eyes gleamed with the knowledge of what comes next. i sat back and wondered what the side effects of the medication would be upon my fragile physiology. i have a bad history with chemicals, but she's got those eyes, those strange depths.
trust mission trust, trust the people who know you. 
the vortex swallows me up and spits me out somewhere different.