Wednesday, April 10, 2019

when my friend rings me up to tell me about how she has discovered her childhood trauma is the cause of her hurt i am rejoicing while shedding a few tears for her myself. she's finally found out her mother was neglectful, abusive and did not love her as a baby to child. just like mine, we were both unloved by the prime women in our life, which set us both on a pattern of being repulsed by people who claimed they loved us. yeah, i don't believe it when people say they love me.
ironically we found one another. 
the problem is not that our mothers did not love us, it's that we finally have an answer to everything. 
it is like a weight has been lifted and now we have a complete understanding of ourselves.
it also explains what happened to both of us when we were together. she's so upset about the whole thing and i feel very emotional because it really does explain everything that is unsaid between us. i want to hug and hold her but she's far away.
i remind her we have our own children, our chance to give them the love we were deprived off. she understands this.
later her child also rings me in tears as she is frightened and wants me to come over soon. the landlord is a dickhead and has demonstrated a nasty intent towards his tenants.
'tomorrow' i say, 'tomorrow, i will come and we will fight the monsters together.'
i tell her how strong her mother is and how she will keep her safe tonight and tomorrow, i will be there and we can laugh and watch custard pie fight movies together. 
it's so weird this has happened. it's so very weird yet so typical.

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