Wednesday, February 20, 2019

somewhere in this blog are records of my association with the high priestess. those days long gone and our adventures faded into the distant parts of my memory but those were important days, events pivotal in my life. it was so sad... our parting. the first glitch we ever encountered in all that time was over a girl who asked me to take her to the zoo, but the high priestess misunderstood the intention, i was never interested in her at all, just happy to visit the zoo and check the animals out, she was just a companion. however it played out badly, it does happen between people and i think we rectified the situation. then there was miss cupcake. 
after that session at the ecologist hq she challenged me, put me in a very defensive position and i panicked.  
i really feel responsible, my fucking defensive shield just totally took us all out. the friendship ended suddenly and i never saw her again. fucking cupcake, what was that tie to you anyway, some weird karmic contract i burnt up years ago. why on earth would i defend you, protect you, fight for your honour when you had none.
i lost the high priestess, and all the time she was correct. 
i'd never met a more smarter, spiritually switched on woman who walked the walk, carried her traumas well and was completely authentic, we made big plans but they came to nothing after our explosive ending. i remember exploring mushrooms with her, those downloads were super fast, raw intelligence and emotional healing. then there was the vine, oh ceremony led to my salvation. remember 'black magick' high priestess, that 'old black magick.'
the high priestess saw something in me, she knew before i did. she even opened ceremony when 'the deep fix' played with her crystal singing bowl and cool introductions.
she lived an interesting life, really got close to knowing me but ms cupcake imploded and tore us apart. 
now i look back. i was on the wrong side and all she was was doing was helping me to see the truth. it was always awkward with cupcake, no one knew what to do or say but then no one knew she was with a child. i was not really there for cupcake but to offer her child safe passage. it just became to complex, and miss cupcake followed a certain trajectory of self destruction that would take me out with her. her vengeance was the drug squad raiding my house. yeah obviously i managed to confront the officers with some hard truths and they left me alone. 
anyways intentions line the road to hell and hell was the high priestess and i parting ways. we had a mission and we were on track. i loved her partner as well, a really cool druid who eventually sold out to the glamour. it gets everyone in the end, everyone seems to fall to it sooner or later, chasing their dreams, selling their souls. 

magick, the plant medicine and me, we are perfect team, so i continued my own mission alone, one single person at a time, from, and in love. i collected a few people along the way, some powers and tricks but in the end just stopped using the stuff, until one final spell that brought you.
so when i get a text this morning from the high priestess it's strange, a sort of circle has completed. she's no longer a high priestess but a farmer. i tell her i'm still married to the vine and how it never left me after all those years. she's still off the grid so wants to speak encrypted so i download some new thingy, and we make a date to speak late tonight. 

everything makes sense now, every random, bizarre, terrible, meaningless, chaotic, magnificent experience i have ever had leads straight to you. 
the ayahuscia always said she would introduce me to ms mission all those years ago.  
the magick led to you in a 'shocking' way, i was stunned when i contemplated that you were the spell, but then who the hell else could it have been, we gravitated around one another for a long time, weaving in and out, a strange dance of displaced time, not quite love, most defiantly affection on my part and curiosity  but i was so boundary respectful, curse my english manners and noble romantic disposition, why can't i be 'bad and dangerous' when i need to be? 
i guess it was not quite anything but an introduction into a 15 year separation where we had stuff to do. i really could have done without my stuff in all honesty, but it is what it is, and we are where we are.

you- i am stuck in that fixed point where you drove all that way to see me, after what feels like a lovely day with you we spoke late until 3am and i asked you 'that' question only to get the strangest answer i think i have ever heard. was that strategy? impulse or just deflection? that 'point' was some sort of pivotal point, for me anyway. it has always sat there like a splinter in my mind since the moment it happened, only now i know why.  
the universe led to you because i asked it to act as an agent, i don't know anything about going to bars, clubs, parties anymore, that whole thing bores me to tears, i don't wanna talk about shoes, hear about the new reality tv show, chit chat about some drama when there's the galaxy to play with. i often wonder about the bimbo's, trophy wives and eye candy people seem to chase after and i run from. maybe people think i'm gay because they settle for something less, i dunno. i don't really care as i rather be alone than in an entrapment with the wrong person.
maybe it's the other way around. maybe the ayahuscia brought me to you, maybe the magick brought me to you, maybe the universe delivered me right to your beautiful nose, i doubt it as you have your spell cast already and answered. curses! 
i can't say either way as it all just happens through me, (i surrendered a long time ago to those forces) but i do know it's the three most powerful energies i trust that have any influence upon my whole life and they all converge to us in union like some sort of cosmic yoga. then there's all the other stuff, coincidences, chance synchronistic events, the dissolution of the self. i was expecting it but never with this intensity and so fast, all my boundaries dropped like stone, now that in itself is insane considering..... 
an arranged marriage by collective cosmic intelligence, that's what it is to me. destiny.

hello destiny my old friend  i've come to surf with you again, thank you for sending me, such a brilliant mind, an artist, a witch, the moon, a creator, a gloriously oceanic aura of pulsating sensual female perfection. i know i'm enchanted but not in an enchantment where i will wake up and see everything for what it is. i banished the glamour and live in truth and free will many years ago, so this is real to me, much more than real, it's true.  
i have no idea what she does out there, and it's good i don't know, i like it like that, just like she only has a glimpse about my work, it's not that important we know these things but i guess in the next few months we will discover a little more about one another. a new phase as it's important she gets to know me as something else. i don't quite know what else there is, i'm constantly surprised by what emerges. i guess it's only fair to open myself up completely, although a better way to get me is to read this blog. 

maybe you will be able to tell me what i am, who i am, maybe she will know me better than i know myself. maybe i can just be a clown and throw custard pies at politicians  lawyers and real estate agents, paint the visionscapes in my head, write the words that pour out from my mind in millions of stories and plays and tales, make tea, surf and sit in silence together drinking it all in, healing our people, knowing and glowing like those cool old people do, in solace, our silent fellowship. i guess a few dates would be okay, i've never really done that dating thing, not for a long long time. the only one i recall was in los angeles years ago when i lived there. that seemed to go very well. maybe there's some others i can't recall but if 'west hollywood' is my dating imprint the whole thing will be gloriously fabulous. i'm good on a date i recall, witty, curious and charming, although i better brush up on my drooling and dribbling problem, and wear something else than an old church tee shirt. luckily i have a selection of classy outfits somewhere gathering dust. yes, a date suddenly seems to be a fantastic idea. 

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