Thursday, February 21, 2019

i know so little, nothing really, just an empty head and mind floating in space imagining love. am i in love? hell yeah, i have been for many many years but never with a woman. okay, so natalie portman  had me in her thrall for a while but she didn't exactly return my calls. i was in love with the universe, part of my path, in love with nature and the stars, in love with art and beauty. in love with my own place in the universe. and then i cast a spell that was totally committed to love. 
dont ask me what happened? 
you did. 
it's a strange event, magick just pushed me so far out i couldn't see the surface or the sides, out of my box, out of my tree, out out out of my mind. and then there was you.
ayahuscia always said, i will bring you ms mission, and i believed her. she whispered that to me all the time, all the time. i'd completely forgotten   
i just gave up looking, even thinking about it, the universe had other plans i figured, so i surrendered even to that basic impulse to seek a mate, to pursue sex, to put myself out in the field despite the concerns of friends, family and work colleagues. 'why is mission alone?'
that's what people said, some even confronted me. many made wild assumptions and spectacularly incorrect judgements but why would i want second best, why would i compromise on this part of my life when i never compromise on others. my faith and belief in myself and the universe always gets me through. i don't seek power, fame, fortune or anything, but i did seek ms mission. that was all i wanted. 
because a sun needs a moon, my attachment is not a desire, it's not a romantic gesture of anything other than a fulfilment of the nexus of energies that have flowed through my life guiding, preparing and educating me. my guides are powerful energies with powerful engines, and they all come to one single point. you.
i am in a weak position, but yet i feel very strong.
i am a secret yet i feel this appropriate for i do not seek attention or adulation. that was never the prize.
i am in a holding pattern of sorts, a sort of self imposed entrapment yet i am entirely free to do what ever i wish and deal with the millions of possibilities that eventuate, but i only choose one.
i have been in this situation twice, it ended badly for all, but while i only suffered loss it lead me to freedom, and now you. the facts are nothing is promised. 
i can only believe in the meaning i am given, i can only do my best and wait for deliverance. it's a series of letting go off each moment as they pass me. 
do i have a soul?
yes i feel it's longing. it's so vast and there are tendrils that reach all the way to mosman and wrap themselves around you. do i have hope? nope.
hope is expectation so i guess i just am left sitting at this bus stop with faith, and faith looks pretty good today in her hat and yellow umbrella, daisy gum boots, her hair all blowing in the breeze. yep faith and me, pretty good company, ooh look here comes harmony.

No comments: