i'm waves within waves sister of mine, travelling in a fractal space through time, backwards, forwards, sideways, and this is where i am at. 

the naked now.

i'm in the mirror universe, it's my responsibility and i have to navigate it with great care and due diligence, even these words have to be written with immense measure, i cannot just be a random jazz be bop deluxe creation engine writing down my thoughts lest they jeopardise everything. it's my past catching up and future wave calling, it's a nexus point that determines everything and nothing. the engineering is spectacular and my dad would be proud of me if he understood the frequency at which this operates. 

yes its clarity has come to my vision quest.
i have created a beautiful clusterfuck of a situation but it's not technically a clusterfuck at all which means i need new language for it, let's call it a singularity event operating under the laws of love magick. it looks and feels like a clusterfuck sometimes but when it's unpacked it becomes a negative of itself. 

and in the mirror universe where the mirror of myself is catching up with the mirror of herself. my perspective is slightly bigger than my mirrors, as i have inhabited this spectrum much longer, i know how it works, i understand it's physics, it's home for me, second nature to navigate, occasionally a coconut falls upon my head and leaves me slightly dazed and confused but that's okay, i like coconuts and often need one to assist in my thought processes. 
my mirror just needs to work it out in her own way what she wants while i can't act upon or show any inclination to. 
to act would be folly, the great mistake. 
i can hack the cosmos but i can't hack her.
that would be to betray everything i believe in so there we are. 
she must work it out herself, she must reach beyond the binary and see the penultimate.  

so my options are thin on the ground, back against the wall, i need to work my way out of this paradox, but that's what i always do, right? 

dig deep mission, into that leaking aura and bag of tricks. what's in there anyway? all spectrum's of dark and light  work, some deflectors, strange loops and quark,charm attractors, some vortex voodoo, a void technique, a bunch of old servitors and spirits hanging around with their talismans and occult sigils, a silver chord, a virgin unicorn and a knight armour i should have used 10 years ago, tequila gods, absinthe gods, a gorgon, various crystals, a birds nest radio that picks up the dead, a very  naughty entity that gets me in trouble far to often, spellcraft, lovecraft, whencraft, whocraft, whatcraft, witchcraft, whycraft, spacecraft. there's tricks, trinkets and other stuff. plant gods, desert gods, ocean gods, sky gods, war gods, sex gods. various goddesses, all impotent in the face of this situation. except one tiny meditation i picked up via thailand, the saviour machine, thank you john. 
it whirls around in the back of my aura, it's ever shifting, adapting to the situation, waiting for the command. 
i don't want to use it just yet, i may have to soon but i'm holding back, keeping it in check.  

i spend two days in deep meditations with the plant medicine i connect myself to the singularity. i have to work out my intention for ceremony, it has to be true and not corrupted by ego, desire and passion which is difficult for any highly skilled and fine tuned class one magickian let alone a kooky jazz cat wizard like me. discipline mission! 
when i snap into knowing. it all comes like a soft orgasm after a wet dream, i like that kind of revelation baby, they are the best. so i work it it into shape in my minds eye. it's a good statement, and by the time i say it completely radiating truth.

ceremony is good, she does slap me in the face over a minor issue i have let slide but then commands me 'do your stuff mission,' which i dutiful do, it's been a while but it snaps back into place intuitively. 
i have a little white heat issue, inner thermostat must be cooked, it's hard work and it's making me burn up, but each release is successful and my only real intervention is low key murmurs of 'breath' and 'non attachment.'
ms. mission rolls around on the floor, wild swings from release to joy and a couple of outbursts, one at me, 'be careful what you wish for.'
i always care for what i wish for, i think but now's not the time to get involved in that kind of intricate conversation so i just do my work. 
good to see you to, i think as i watch her dive in witnessing this beautiful union of glorious spirits. my my, it's so sensual i'm aroused, this is all a man like me could wish for.
some entities leave the body all very happy, for their liberation as well is important. 
sometimes it's humans that haunt spirits. 
she's awesome and she is awesome, deep healing occurs. guess it makes perfect sense i should be there to do the clearing.
i don't know what to write, i can't put it into words, bliss is an understatement, 3 days of bliss. i'm so blissed out i loose all sense of time. it's everything and yet it has to be nothing. the only thing i can use to describe the whole experience is that last line from trumpets, 'cos to be with you...is the same...as being..you.'
and i was in our tantra and out of it.
we both have missions. they will entwine i'm certain of it but her mission is her mission and mine is mine. it's easy to loose yourself in aya with messianic ideals, i have seen it many times and experienced it personally but i understand it only works the way it works on certain individuals. yes it has a effect on all but only a handful of people actually get it. 
we kiss. it's a goodbye one and it's unexpected, a small one that i break away from, cos i'm an idiot. right action. wrong action, i'm conflicted.
later i get a download and my head fractures open like a fissure in the earth, light lava pouring out of a volcano only in reverse, my skull showered with light quantum packets of information, stuff i shouldn't even know, and then the big one because my world revolves on one woman hips my thoughts turn to my spell and the saviour machine meditation. 
if i apply it and then when i see her again which is inevitable, i'll just fall in love again and then i'll have to repeat the meditation and be trapped in a loop ad infinitum, it would be to much. my mind would not be able to take the strain, or would it... i don't know, maybe that's the way out of the 'clusterfuck' to just love it back whatever it throws but i tried that once and no one wins. with the singularity spell i should be able to find a quantum technique to love it back and everyone wins, so there you are. i'm reminded off dr. stranges journey and how he rose to the challenge of his mythology, sacrifice by time loop.
i'm going in. 
it actually feels better now i understand what it involves. i could do it. 
i really can do this, man, i feel better now i understand the technique i need to apply.
but it turns out i don't have to. i have to do something else that apparently requires equally unselfish abilities. i can do that to but in a way it's harder, much harder and painful. 

i can do anything except the process is far to much information, it's making me feel very emotional, loosing my grip with all this multi tasking and talking, jesus man what's happening now, information from these two at the same time, each mashing it up with the other in remix tape downloads big biscuit dub mix, it's like a cheeky threesome for brainy people and i'm the most inadequate, i start thinking about unicorns, scrambled eggs, coconut palms in crystal blue lagoons, japanese swords  everything's swirling around like 60's psychedelia. i don't know what's going on. i'm not cut to listen to two people at the same time, all i know is i'm in the whirlpool of two different downloads. watch out for vortexes mission, you know how they work.
meanwhile the mirror universe is spinning into a new pattern, it's becoming something else now, and at the end of the day i just have to trust it, whatever it is, no expectations, no attachments, no limitations, i'm free and i really want her to be free but i only see a short term entrapment she's created, so i guess that's my wave to. i'm in free fall now, lets just hope someone out there will catch me.

'can you love two people at once?'
'yeah, but not if you want a novel, three people is the short story,'
i'm a novel man myself. it's a choice i guess. a tough one but one we make. i think about the other man, he needs her more than i need her, i get her more than he does. i think need outweighs 'gets' except when it applies to me, i need to be 'got' not needed. 
herein lies something quiet peculiar. 
steve, you may be the only man i would take advice from on this situation. are you out there?
maybe time will just sort it. 
maybe i'll just find myself in a vortex somewhere with coconut trees and good waves. 
maybe watch this space,
i sleep and dream. like my fate my dreams are inevitable, they always take me to her. i must have put the horse before the cart there, it's easy now it just happens through whatever connects us. it's safe still which is good but it's not as safe as i need which is going to require inner straight and some reenforced resilience. 
are we being tested, no. you are. fate and i already have made our pact. it set me free. 
is it a spell. it's my spell, therefore my responsibility.
he's your spell. he's yours, i get that to, your responsibility.
is it infinite growth, gravity and bliss. yes.

5 am blue, i slept a few hours and it was deep and profound. the saviour machine has gone quiet, it's gentle hum is still there but much fainter. i re read some messages, i don't understand why my phone sends all those stupid pictograms, i never liked that whole thing. must be my clumsy thumbs. 
so what am i going to do art thou.
i understand some of it, i have questions, i need answers to, i see many contradictions, fault lines, glitches and errors that need to be discussed. i need no protection from it though, i know that. but i need absolute freedom and this plan means i am not. i would be entrapped in something i chose to put myself in like you have. 
that's what i'm doing by honouring you. i'm dr. strange one way or the other. my spell was perfect. it worked. it got me everything i ever wanted and backfired. i told you.
i am a strange loop. 
i am now a dr. strange loop.
my truth is powerful, it's why i seek humility. it's my own darkness that is my light.
so what now. i'll take it one second at a time until i have to tock tick it. 
the saviour machine is silent now.
i feel i have to entrap myself to give you a chance to set ourself free. so i do this with love. for you.