one minute your a lonely old magickian living in exile with your pet dragon and some over friendly colourful birds, the next, a spell you cast comes knocking down your door, leaking in through the floorboards, penetrating the cracks and fissures of your creaky old bones, infiltrating your tiny blood vessels and neural networks, your warm lumpy pumping organs and tribal drum pounding heartbeat and your long won peace and harmony, your fabulous zen, your amazing stillness and microscopic event horizons, and groovy plus karma is suddenly running to a standstill.
all that sweet smelling, radiating beauty and unbounded wisdom, and generous laughter is wrapped up in the presence of a very familiar face.
there i was in my many personas, osiris fucking my way through the over-world, seeking, searching sex and death on this eternal quest to locate my flame and seek out beloved isis and she's been right there coming into being for the last 15 years. she was in my fucking phone!
i'm not an old magickian just a dumb one, to slow witted to see the truth, see the obvious. i am the fool, the foolish fool, walking oblivious to everything that actually would make anything worthwhile. the hounds of love snapping at my heels.
so, A fucking A is here, i'm not just overwhelmed, i'm baked in her radiance, seeing for the very first time, i'm not even me, i'm someone else, i'm the man i wanted to be in that other life, the one where it's all animal warmth and snug cotton wool infancy. i'm the wrong me, that one is redundant, i have to be the other me, the one that speaks wisdom and knowledge and secret truths, but a coconut fell upon his head and he's under the tree contemplating all his lives catching up with him, is he the story or the writer he wonders. 
but, in this very moment. i'm dying, my psychosomatic cough is fucking sabotaging my throat, i can't speak without spluttering, hacking or catching a breath. she say's, i'm not communicating something and i know she's absolutely correct because she's the most brilliant woman on earth but i just can't quite believe it yet, stuck in fucking awe again, all this awe will kill you mission, your soul will explode or something. i must move fast but take everything slow. hows that for a paradox? we have so much to do. she's my mission. in fact she is, ms mission. she knows it, i know it, but we are in some holding pattern and she's all divine time whereas i'm all dream time.