big slap up dinner to celebrate the little girl growing inside miss cupcake, far out, she's having a girl. well i was wrong, i thought that heartbeat sounded a a boy but there ya go, what do i know, not much it appears. a girl wow!
i'm somewhat envious, i always want a daughter, well it's just my ego talking but i do after jake i'd love a little girl.
anyway we went to a brazilian restaurant where they fed cupcake as much meat as she could eat. it was pretty good. i ate some weird vegetarian food which was fantastic but the fish was not so good, it tasted like boiled fish.
anyways the whole thing was very nice, i had to make sure cupcake was home in time for her sleep so we ate and ran.
later i sat in mission control pondering my navel wondering what im gonna do with my twilight years when it dawned on me i'm actually doing it. so i picked up 'modern primitives' the book shelly gave me and started to read it again. wow this book is amazing.
she gave it to me when we were in lust, at the hight of our passion, she was so extreme in a sexual kinda way, really brilliant girl i wish i had never dumped her, what a stupid move that was. fuck i have been a real prick sometimes. anyways shelly was into piercings and tattoos, scarifications and all that jazz, she had some neat piercings, oh very functional if ya know what i mean. she gave me this book.
now i had always though that tattoos where what you do when your pissed and walk out of a bar in kings cross with a girl you just picked up and decided that your going to marry cos the vodka that infects both your brains has taken control of your faculties and suddenly you feel like some cosmetic accessory that has some sort of permanency to mark your stupidity at falling in love with some stranger after drinking a bottle of tequila or snorted some coke and can't stop talking rubbish or popped a few e's and just randomly hooked up with some one ya wouldn't even wanna share a lift with straight, whatever, well that's how it was in them days, and most people i knew had stupid tattoos that they had when they were drunk. most people can't even remember getting it done they were so smashed.
so my whole conception of tattoos was skewered.
i flicked through the 'primitives' book and found the photographs of body modification, branding, piercings and tattoos so extreme i couldn't look anymore. it took me a few months but i started to read the text, and the text began to explain the whole philosophy behind these things. in fact i was totally seduced by the ideas and shelly had convinced me of the sexual advantages of certain piercing, although i wouldn't want to be pierced anywhere save my left ear.
the book looks at indigenous tattooing and the cultural significance, then looks at how people in western cultures have used the ritualistic frameworks of these practises and followed their own significance within their own lives and journeys. there was a spiritual side to this that i had never really noticed before and it was soon after reading this book that i had an experience that made me want to get a tattoo. i have a yin yang tat on my shoulder.
'modern primitives' has turned out to be one of my fave books. i really like it, particularly the bits about a guy called fakir, who a the age of 6 knew he was going to experience tribal body art and modification. he went on to even do the sun dance ritual which is native american and involves being suspended from hooks for 12- 24 hours in a ritual that determines warrior hood rite of passage.
yeah thanks shelly, you were fucking great. a really cool girl and i fucked it up. what a fucking idiot i was. i really hope your doing well whatever it is.