another breakfast with miss cupcake, massive food over indulgence. fabulous flavours and creamy delights, washed down with perfect coffee and the saturday papers, i find myself in a strange body, a fat slob of a man, ugly and filled with loathing, i want to run and hide, but i end up going shopping in a big mall and spending money i don't have on things i don't really need, what is going on captain mission?
i have a great day with miss cupcake, we wander through the mall looking at baby shops and maternity stuff, all this good stuff balancing out my internal body image issue and financial meltdown, leaves me feeling kinda happy and in need of a sleep. i head home listening to an interview on the radio with a scientist claiming parasites rule our minds, moods and personalities. this is a classic science fiction plot i think, and in many ways ties in with my own theories about memes and how they have driven humanity into adopting ideologies and believes that are absolutely ridiculous, so in many ways the idea that parasites form our minds is quite plausible. at the conclusion the scientist says, 'if we cleanse the body of these parasites we may not like what's left.'
quite brilliant.
im conflicted emotionally now, i dwell upon my relationship with miss cupcake, there are so many gaps and i'm inclined to trust my instincts on this, however truth is i just don't know for sure. where does this fear and need to feel safe originate from, it's connected to her, i never felt it with anyone else so what's the deal. i 'm drawn to the idea that it involves alcohol and some sort of personality change, but i have no specific memory. it's tormenting me now, like a protagonist from a pkd novel i'm questioning everything that i have known to be true, maybe a parasite has control of my mind. maybe i need to confront this and ask a few friends what they remember of that time. i hate dredging the past, i just don't like digging things up that i've buried but something bad happened, i feel it so deep in my bones. sigh.....let it go mission, i hear a voice whisper.