wandering the streets of babylon i see my old father in law, andre, looking a bit lost and sad, we meet for an embrace, he's just lost the love of his life to cancer and i know what that kind of loss is like, i know how it feels to loose.
so we hug, it's all i can do, except we go through the formalities. what happens when you loose someone to death, some one you love, you feel cheated when it's something like cancer, you feel angry that they got it, you feel fucking angry that the universe operates in such an unjust seemingly arbitrary way. where's the fucking compassion you think, if your so intelligent. well i guess its like an excession, an ant attempting to comprehend the orbit of jupiter or the inverse square law. it's beyond rationality, it just hurts like hell.
we talk about cycles, how it all comes around, i say its good as then you can tie up loose ends and make some peace with discord, he says, there's no point as it just all untangles again.
i say, 'don't tell me that, i just got to liking the fact you can resolve the unresolved.'
he's hurting, i know, i'd feel the same, i did feel the same when my friend lisa died on her boat.
she knew she was gonna die, be killed, she was expecting it and i didn't believe her.
i felt like that when elle threw herself of a cliff.
i felt like that when sue hung herself at rnsh under 24 hour surveillance.
so yeah i understand his anger and bitterness, i understand why he wanders around looking lost, but death is not the end, his love was and is real, in fact it's the only thing that's real.
there's a lot of bad energy that existed between us, but it's put to rest, andre is a good man, he loved his partner in the best way possible, i know that i saw it.
i am grateful to have healed that wound that lay exposed between us, despite the fact sorrow brought us together, that's why sorrow exists maybe, to bring people together and let petty dramas be buried and old wounds heal. the journey of the soul. we all ride that train together, underneath all the bullshit, when you dispense with all the persona and ego.