there's some things i need to say, some words i need to write, they are being transmitted as i write, like most of my blog, they enter the tips off my fingers bypassing my brain, my mind has no boundaries, i can't tell where it stops or starts, i guess my hearts catching up.
somewhere in the near future they will cross paths and hopefully some harmony will enter my life, some peace and quiet, a little pocket of bliss.

i say goodbye to miss cupcake who sails away on a great big clipper ship filled with food, it will drift around some sun drenched island and she will lounge around looking glamorous while waiters and stewards pamper her and cater to her needs. the sun will set in the foreground and she will look like a perfect picture postcard.
i'll probably be wandering around some island in the year 2017 and find a small souvenir shop that sells cards, one of which will be a glamorous lady enjoying the south pacific sunset.
she has baked me a cake, it's a lumberjack cake, my favourite and it's very very good. for the first time in a long while i feel kinda special.
i eat quite a lot of the cake, it's divine, i take some small slithers in for the work people who are instantly smitten. wow i'm really touched by this.


i speak to nico on the phone, we drift into deep and meaningful type conversation, she is a highly intelligent woman, extremely yummy, i'm glad that we met, we talk about amazing things and she is quite challenging, actually some of my biggest ideas are generated from our conversations, the idea of respect is a new one, i mean i never thought that love could be defined for me.
one afternoon we watched a movie together, 'the story of o'
i've been talking about it with her for a while, i'd never actually seen it although a lot of women i know all requested me to watch it with them or read the book but it was nico that i eventually saw it with.
i was not expecting much, from the outside it looked like a cheesy french 70's porn movie but i was absolutely amazed at the conceptual accuracy of the film eventual harmony and central thought in terms of power and control.
we both like the ideas in the movie with a process of evolutionary sexuality thrown in, i like the prescriptive sexual approach, if it actually empowers rather than subjugates. i don't see the idea as controlling or dominating, i see it as liberating and the women in my life who know me well enough see that to. respect is the name of the game.


immediately after the movie we both agree it was indeed brilliant, although i'm confused by the emotional disconnect the males have. it's strange to me but then i guess i have a female soul so i would always find the males emotional state strangely unsatisfying. nico and i discuss the contextual ideas, a male takes his woman to a special place to train her in sexual submissiveness, she is trained by another man, then she is returned to her lover whom is in love with another woman. however while in training she is told she will eventually meet the master, whom she will have to obey as she does her lover. later she meets this master and her boyfriend willingly let's her go to him hoping he will clear a space for the other woman he is in love with but she rejects him for o.
meanwhile o undergoes a process of further humiliation and through this finds empowerment in her own sexuality, the twist arrives when the master falls in love with her and she then turns tables and burns him with her cigarette thus creating an equality. they pursue love together as equals who have found respect for one another.

but nico and i are fucking smart cookies and we go on to discuss that in the next sequence, the as yet unmade 'story of o 2' the enlightened female would be the one with the power. this is the process that is natural, most relationships have nothing but a political, financial, emotional power struggle at the heart of them, we have all been conditioned to accept this as normal, yet the relationships that work for me are the ones where power and control games are understood completely as natural process that can be structured into a relationship, rather than remain unconscious and destructive, somewhat normative.
i like to play without the destructive elements. i like the road to liberation, i like my girlfriends to be free and i like the fact in that freedom they get me, and therefore respect me. that way love comes free and i can trust it.