she's looking for randomness. that's what she said. her words exactly, actually here they are.
'i'm looking for randomness.'
there was a heap of other words as well but in essence that's what she was saying.
i am sitting on my sofa rolling a king size spliff thinking oh here we go, down the spiral again, past the point of no return. i'm gonna need something to soften the blow, this will do fine.
she's marching up and down, pacing in heels and a skimpy black dress, she actually looks okay but her anger contaminates her aura, it's spilling over all over the place, and it's really boring anger, the kind that has no chance of ever being resolved.
'what the hell are you doing, we are having a conversation.'
'i'm rolling a spliff, pass the lighter please.'
the lighter hits me in the eye, well just above. i give her a look. it hurt.
'oh don't be a sulky baby, it was a light throw.'
i spark up my spliff, 'i'm fucking your sister. is that random enough for you.'
she's stopped in her tracks, her gaze is greek mythology, she's looking right through me into the depths but i know i'm a deep fucker and she's gonna get swallowed up by the abyss inside me if i don't drag her out. 'come on sweetheart, come on, what you want is never gonna make you happy, it's never gonna fulfil you or make you happy, it's a black hole baby, sucking you in until you have nothing left.'
it's a clique ending sweetheart is that what you got for me, a clique. i'm worth much more, i think this to myself because i can't say it without sounding somewhat disappointed. i would have at least liked some kind of dignity.
'are you fucking eloise?'
'do you really want random or are you happy with dependable?'