well white magick works in mysterious ways and this evening my friend rang and said she was having a bad day, me to. we spoke a while about it, we are both super aware, tuned in, receiving. she says i should go out more, be more social and let people have a chance to experience me. i'm taken aback. she insists the world is ready for me, insists that i start getting out being social.
but i'm an introvert reclusive personality, i don't like most people. she continues, to tell me she knows and that i should meet more people, let them get a chance to know me. i don't know i say, i'll think about it.
it has been a difficult day for me, a struggle with my personas, all wanting to play, it's been frustrating as i spent most of the day hiding away, letting them drive one another crazy, then the phone rings again.
another friend drives by, i jump in the car and we go to our special spot where we smoke a joint and look at the ocean.
i have not seen this guy for a while, he is a very very good friend. he is a destroyer of demons, he is a brilliant man and a lovely person to end my day with as he listens to my blessings and curses, he sees something that i didn't see, his perception is clear and precise, it's perfection as he looks at me and reads what is occurring externally is also internal, he said, 'when i first met you i know you had wings, they are massive now.'
i don't know what that means but it feels right. he talks about the preying mantis and says 'you have the 'preying mantis' inside you.
strange thing to say huh, but i have a special relationship to the mantis that i have never talked about here, on this blog but often i post on the ayahuscia forum as captain mission and there are several references to the preying mantis by me.

http://forums.ayahuasca.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=17411&hilit=preying+mantis&sid=78b77fc45184c5def3645eb628774703

anyway it was a strange thing to say, yeah? and the fact that i should understand it equally strange.
yeah we spoke for a few hours, he does the same kind of work as me now, yet his is more refined and elegant, mine just flows chaotically. yet i am learning how to be an elegant magus, i want poetry in what i do.

my friend then says something disturbing.

not what i want to hear. not what i want to hear at all. but i accept it.
then i understand that the terrible truth of it. that is hard to accept. i can fight. but the force against you comes from a darker space, it's an abyss. and one must be careful when gazing into the abyss lest the abyss gaze back at you.
so true.