mexican restaurant, i see a lizard run down a wall, kinda authentic now, there's a wonderful although slightly outta place mescalato cactus in the front garden, and when the food comes it's very good, you order a steak that come's submerged in some sort of sauce, me i get some fat looking rolly things with cheese but that salad looks good. yeah it's a good looking salad.
so here i am in bali and you are telling me about your circumstance, and it's mine, just different faces, different places, different time, both saved by the face of an unborn future. i start to tell you about how it was for me, it's so hard for me to talk about, i can't talk about it because it will take me back there, that room, that woman, how i left, and never looked back until these last few weeks when i have to face it to heal myself from it. it's not that i would ever use again, it's more the emotional aspects of leaving someone behind knowing there is no hope, no way out for them, knowing that you will never see them again, never hold their hand or look in their eyes, and the worst aspect of all is they may no longer even be alive. i saw that in her, her death wish. (ten years ago i saw a similar familiar look in you. i tried then to do what i could, but i couldn't do it, i failed i guess)
it was different to mine, a different kind, i was seeking a spiritual dimension, she was looking for the release from life, she was half dead while i was half alive. i can't explain that any better than how it is. then debbie materialised back after 9 months apart, and i saw the future calling me. she saw it to, we placed our faith in it. in jake we trust.
yeah i will tell you, your children choose their parents, we were lucky deb, we got the glittering prize.
these days i'm a different animal, a little softer, gentler somewhere a little wiser, i follow a different star now, one that rises, it feels good, living in the sunshine, the light, being me, it no longer hurts. in south america the vine is known as the 'vine of the dead.'
they call it this as it allows contact with the dead spirits, it allows one to communicate with the ancestors, i have done this many times. it also is the death experience, taking you through your previous deaths it teaches how to die, and when you let go of that final breath and surrender to the process into a deep sleep, it is death. the death wish.
as you sit there in front of me, as your words leave your lips and as your face shines with all that new found beauty, all that processed experience and a future that can only be wonderful, i just want to request one thing from you, die with me.