another action packed day from 5am i'm out walking pan, we see the dawn arise, orange red rise from the sea, the days filled with splendour, it's perfect and it has not even started in time.
i drink tea with evan, he's like an anchor sometimes, affixing me to something that i know is true yet i'm in sway that everything is not true, only a thin veneer of illusion and smoke and mirrors, the only thing that is real is the hearts code, the song that is sung between minds and brains, the truth of the matter is i am convinced the heart is he intelligent organ, the one we should be opening, open heart open mind, open doors and light will flow. the last few months i battled this, trained my heart to stay open, i had help, i love well, i don't fear it, and i don't want to deny that.
so i return to the centre, to the high priestess for the debrief and sharing with my fellow companions in ayahuscia, we are joyful, it has been a good night to die. i see jarra's art work, how magnificent his spirit is, how devoted he is, a beautiful humility, strength and quality, i'm so shocked he is originally from london.
there's lovely moments in sharing with people, what seems twee and kinda cheesy is actually quite profound, everyone on the journey seeing the whole thing from their perspective, as if 30 artists are painting the same elephant, every one unique, everyone representing the truth, all creation is in this room.
i say goodbye, the sisters give me the best hug i have had in years, it's so good i'm finding it hard to leave, i just wish time would freeze. i swap numbers with amiee, she looks extraordinary, picture perfect.
i slip away, visit miss cupcake and help her do some shopping, we have lunch at why town and for some reason she to looks extraordinary, in her strange circumstance. the sun moves across the sky, we chase it, visit a french shop, it's like returning to paris with her, i see pictures of the eiffel tower, something sad hits me, but i accept it, it was how it was and she was very young, i was so certain, i saw our future, actually i did, it was like today, it was just very lovely, she was sober and happy in simplicity, i was just happy to be with her, just like now. but the cosmos is a prankster, it always has the final laugh unless you join it, captain mission has learnt many things but the one thing he knows is true is that love is the force. he is happy with the fact he loves her and wants her to be free. she is free. we are friends now, more than ever, same with all my ex girlfriends, this is a good thing, this is what i want. i love them very much and they taught me more than they know, even miss cupcake whom i hated for so long has been a very powerful teacher and i honour my teachers, i really do. love your enemies, they set you free.
i return to walk my dog, we head down the road to buy some supplies hp has asked for but the health food shop is closed, i drive to mona vale, closed, i drive to avalon closed, i search the supermarkets but they have no idea about quinona and chai seeds. i drive towards the circle, my petrol light is on, i wonder how long it has been on for. when i pull up hp asks me to wait next door for a neighbour but after 30 minuets i give up. i return to the circle and hp asks me for some cash which i don't have on me so i return to the town but the car stalls all the way, i have to push it with two guys to the petrol station, my whites getting very dark, i put some petrol in the car and go to the atm, i drive back and sort it out, i'm thinking why is it so complicated when my intention is so simple and honourable and then i have a john paul satre moment.
i drink the brew, we all wait in apprehension, it hits me so fast, from laid back, chilled out to abject fear as i am abducted by the cosmic pranksters into a dimension so unreal and elsastic just like a cartoon conceived by looney tunes and dali on mescaline. it was the surreal speed of the event which threw me, as aya announces herself i'm terrified, then slowly become awed by the magnitude of my illusions, the beautiful rich colour unfolds, the textures wash over me, the pure art of this holds me in wonder. then some pychic healing, pinpricks enter my aura and plucj out little bits of trapped energy, useless patterns, entities, then the music starts and jarra sings and weaves his words and vibrations, and i am captured, following his sounds, understanding the thread it weaves around us all, reaching out in it's multi dimensional stretch, pulling us towards it, returning us home. profound jarra, you're a profound spirit, grace and beauty, light and love, such humility, genuine and pure. it's not often i meet people like this but when i do i acknowledge my teachers. jarra is the real deal, shaman.
i get a sense of what a shaman is, he's someone that gets the cosmos, they take you there, into the other worlds, dimensions and then they bring you back with your own healings and truths, the eternal ones. nothing is real except the connections. love the super fabric upon which we build our lives, i think about this, i think about my devotion to the universe to the creator. this is what i bring back, devotion, gratitude, love and light, and light is white magick. let there be light.
at one point i start to make the animal sounds, the strange breath like noises just emit without thought, they come easy, the jungle is in my body, it is my body, i've gone native.
i am guardian, i acknowledge the room, the healing, the spirits departing are blessed and i show them the way home.
after circle is broken i return home to pan, we walk and cuddle up, i give him my devotion now, he and i share these moments.
when i return to the circle i share my respect with the others, a fantastic amount of work was done in this space, jarra and his music and song were the lighthouse which i followed home. it is a good day to die, and a better day to live and share the splendour with my people, the people i love and care about, my friends. thank you for being in my life, i love you so much, i can't ever begin to thank you for being my friend. i am just a mad fool most of the time, making my way in darkness, trying to grow towards the light, i'm learning from plants and trees, seek the light. healing and love are the only directions. layer upon layer is peeled away until i will be light itself. i could not do this without my friends and those that i love, evan, leanne, hp (you are the bees knees) agent stone, amalia (i love you very much) steve (you were with me, in my thoughts and your music is my guide as well, leading me onwards evermore, pan (my special friend who teaches me unconditional love) the plant spirits who have saved me from certain death by dying, my enemies (who have set me free) my son who is just a beautiful being, all those people who touch me, teach me, i thank you and honour you, to the native peoples and their ancient wisdom, i respect your ways, and to the universe, i dedicate everything to, in devotion i am your servant.
to the possibility of the futures, i sail into you with an open heart, unbounded mind and true will. i am your captain. iaho!