lucky old captain mission gets to spend a morning with miss cupcake, she's looking pretty hot let me tell ya, very hot like a naga jolokia chilli pepper. she's gone public now, 4 months pregnant, yeah that's my little clusterfuck, she's having a baby, yeah that;s the punch line to my cosmic joke.
'oh tell us the joke' i hear ya say.
okay, about a 6 months ago she asked me if i would conceive a child with her, to which i said 'no.' then i said, 'you make me feel like a $2 whore.'
later as i started to get to know her again, certain feelings started to manifest. now me and cupcake go back a few years, ten years actually, she's my dogs mum. i liked her very much and although my brain damage made my memory of the period really hazy, i do recall that some thing terrible happened but i can't remember what it was. i actually hated cupcake for years, i never hated anyone so much, i don't understand how i could hate some one like that, it seems alien and sad but i admit it i did, then after my brain injury i seemed to forget everything. and then i found myself feeling good about spending time with her. she's a pretty amazing girl. brilliant mind. but she's complex and destructive, her nature has a vortex at it's centre, a black hole that sucks you in and spins you out, i can see why her ex lovers kept her drunk or on drugs, her mind being super sharp they would be cut to ribbons by her intellect and precision thinking. anyway my memory is hazy, something that really traumatised me kept me in hate and now i was developing strange stirrings again.
when i was in london, she was in the usa and we wrote a few e mails, and in one i wrote this:

i will consider your request again, if you still wish. it seems i should give it some serious thought and not dismiss it as i did. i will need to speak with you face to face about this and see if we can reach some agreement that meets both our needs. i'm figuring it was a passing whim but -

some thoughts - i think it should be straight forwards, i need to feel safe, you need my sperm. sounds simple in a green eggs and ham way (you can be the ham) but you need to think long and hard about this if you have not done so.
as a candidate i should do my duty and even though i know you know, remind you babies are full time, you won't be able to drink, smoke or take any drugs, for 6 months, something i couldn't do although i'd do it in 'pact' to help support you, and then it's a train ride of responsibility for 20 odd years, you up for that?
i know you like the expectation of things arriving miss cupcake but after nine months there's no chance of returning to sender. and there's no refunds or reselling, although with your extortion skills i'm sure you could find a way :)
fortunately no one ever told me about this shit, it just happened and it's the one thing i got right. i really did.
anyways for what it's worth i think you will make a great mother, i always did.
i should mention at this point i have been asked many times for this particular request and refused despite the alluring offers. i am also aware that you may have other people in mind for the job and humbly request that i be your last option on this one cos i'm really just an old man now with aching kneecaps and a william burroughs like curiosity for living outside the box and these dangerous qualities have been over written into my existing dna and be dominant enough to over ride any dna traits from the mothers genetic code. you need to be aware off this as i'm not sure the world is quite the right place for hybrid us.

anyway like i said, i will talk with you and consider it seriously.

your friend
captain mission

anyways when i get back old cupcake and i spend some time together and she tells me she's pregnant although this happened when she had returned from her trip, probably while i was falling in love with her all over again. irony, ha!
well there you have it, that was four months ago. during that period i did my best to keep miss cupcake positive and focused, work through her fears and anxieties. i don't know, my own feelings were kinda mixed up and muddled, i don't really know much about these cosmic jokes, my own words created this, i feel a sense of responsibility, i am a magickian after all.
so i hope i have been a good friend here, i hope i can be a better man and help her with this, i want to, i guess it's her call if she wants me around or not. for me it's a karmic equation, miss cupcake and i have unfinished business. it goes back life times and we need to sort this out now, i do. i want to.
and ultimately it don't matter, i'm just a traveller on a strange wonderful journey, i wanna heal my friends, love them and help them through their fears.
what else is there in life, survival, blah what a con that is. life is about the heart, you have to think with the heart and feel with your head. it's all white magick. all of it.