i'm a magickian, the universe supplies me with partners who are aspects of myself. this is how karma works, and this is how i have to deal with my own growth and desires lest i don't get the relationship i want with the partner i want. they just return in different guises, different aspects of the same thing, repeating themselves over and over endlessly. it's the same woman different face.
what do i want?
that's the real problem. i want the whore, the priestess, the wife, the lover, the smart girl down the street, the ones that crop up out of the blue with their nice soft words, and that's what i get, bombarded all the time by these beautiful women.
so what do you want captain mission?
i want to be free from want.
and here i am wanting...
desire is such an entrapment, buddha was really correct about it and sexual desire is the most powerful trap. i have to be strong and disciplined, attract only love. only love. only love. only love and keep it all sacred. well as best i can, there's always room for the profane in my life.
my night friend told me an old surfing tale, how he was taken out by some tropical dude one morning and as he ran to the water his friend stopped him and said, 'hey wait, don't race, give thanks and honour for this is a sacred place, where the land meets the water,two different states, two different energies, one must respect the change from one state to the other and let the water embrace you. he slowly walked in, letting the toes feel the first touch of ocean and letting his consciousness spread through his body and out as an expansive force. he slowly let the warm water take him, it gave him a clear passage out while others struggled, it offered him a perfect wave while others were not so blessed, it offered him the best ride he had ever had, along the pathway of water to the shore line, where an islander on the shoreline had watched the whole process and recognised the event, he signalled to my friend and acknowledged what had just occurred, they both smiled.
this is the way forwards, the past does not shape me, i'm now,, the present does present choices, and sometimes i feel like i need to always make a choice, but in this particular version of myself i don't want to chose, i want to be free from choice. how excrutiatingly difficult freedom can be. even that is a choice. it don't have to be anything other than what it is. and i have to process it through my own truth, which is my heart not my brain. stupid brain!