delicate matters, i smoke a spliff in quiet contemplation, my friends have left, everyone tending their gardens, i am drifting a bit, inconsolable to my aloneness, i didn't plan it, just kinda worked out that way. the way i figured it i would be married to a beautiful woman, writing for a living, i'd have my muse and we would live simple lives, a bit of travel, a bit of this a bit of that, yeah it would be hard at first but my muse believed in me and she loved me so totally i would pierce the maya of finance and my genius would set us free, fame and glory, recognition. i'd turn up one day with that big cheque, i'd tell my wife i love her and we'd put the kids in the car and drive to the airport for warmer shores and a new life, with some luxuries. anyway that's how i saw it, i guess it's never to late. but instead here i am slogging it out alone, writing songs and a blog, devoted only to the universe who has loved me in a way no one had ever loved me. here i am living on molasses and supplements, overwhelmed by bills, court appearances another awful xmas of sitting at home alone despite millions of invites, not wanting to impose myself and the sad fact that things are getting tricky. here i am falling into peace via codeine dreams, reaching out for love but finding only complexity and maya, pushing at the boundaries and finding only limitations.
i had a good life, i guess, i sucked the marrow from the bone, sex, drugs, rock and roll but love eluded me, soul mates slip past me, relationships are fleeting, i think my longest was four years being married. that's long these days i guess.
anyways i'm sitting at home feeling somewhat melancholy when the phone rings, it's her, my karmic broker.
we launch into greetings, i can't help but wonder what she is wearing, and then i wait for her knock out blow.
'mission. i have some news?'
'lay it on me baby.'
'well i'm looking through your records, i discovered something strange, you have an unaccounted aspect we need to consider.'
'what's the score?'
'you have resolved a lot of stuff and it looks like apart from your relationship with mum you are all square, in fact your very plus. but there's a past life thing here, and it's about to, if not yet manifest itself. you gotta be ready for it cos it's big.'
'relationship?'
'yes, really big. it's gonna be good, it's the road to nivarna for you and her, looks like you're going to cash those chips in very shortly.'
'mmm,' well i must admit i been wondering when it's all gonna come together.'
'well i'd hold on to your hat. it's gonna happen fast, and it's gonna last.'
'what ya mean like my soul mate?'
'not for me to say, i have taken vows, but yes that's a good metaphor.'
'wow.'
anyways i cheer up a bit and take pan for a walk.