i miss my opiates, even my codeine would have worked last night, she would have sent me into embryonic bliss safe and away from this hellish feeling. anyway's a very poor substitute would have to suffice in caffeine as time makes me jump through hoops this week, every second being locked in by some thing or the other or some one. the day is torn up already by the awful rain and wet, the cluster fuck washed away and everything is very ordinary for a moment. that's my sadness i guess. i don't know. shake it mission, shake it and move onwards, that's what you have do isn't it?
disappointment after disappointment you have to let it go, hurt, anger, sadness, everything has it's number. me i'm sweet nuffin. just a lonely traveller in the army of love, fighting a losing battle, defenceless and perhaps a little wounded. i'm lucky. some people never get to be in the army of love. i'm glad i signed up, even though its a war. i'm really glad i'm on this side. i seen the other, it's filled with fear and fucking stupidity. i took the warrior code, you gotta be a warrior to be a lover, there's no choice unfortunately.
here's the amazing strange thing though, my queen, the one that supplies me with love has made an unexpected appearance through her usual convoluted channels of synchronicity and coincidence, she is all powerful and moves in mysterious ways, i guess i should meet with her.