the counterpoints now spun full circle and come back to where it began. whatever transformations are occurring it's now started to affect me internally, as the aspects that make me integrate. this is unusual as they are normally best kept separate but whatever changes i am facing the process is now out of my hands, it's happening in theta state. 
the days have been demanding and emotional, i'm weakened and vulnerable but the feeling now is shifting, i see the whole thing differently with a new perspective.
love is strange, it doesn't work the way they promise and ms mission knew this. she's amazing, a remarkable mind. i'm trusting it now, just like she always said. 
she's a strange one, sometimes soft and gentle but these days mostly in her power, her words carry authority but she's honest.
i must confess australian women are very unusual, mostly charged with male energy and often really incompatible with the europian sensibility. they have not quite mastered the art of being feminine and comfortable in that. instead, there is a need to be even more male. if they are not trying to outrace, out-think, out fuck you, they are in competition. however i am beginning to adapt and i think my resources will be nourished in sleep.

when i awake after 10 hours of solid uninterrupted sleep i know what has happened, my processes have taken over and i am indeed integrating, there is one aspect that is now outside of the self the one she is yet to meet.
strangely and surprising even myself that part of me is the one that this effects the most. the one that requires what she can never offer me. perhaps that's why the reluctance.

i'm greeted immediately by magick, it filters through almost everything, the universe reconnects itself to me, i am feeling it now, surfing the energy waves again, but this time i'm totally in control. it's happening through me again but i'm also directing it. a sequence of striking coincidences, and suddenly i understand a part of the equation i really only got a glimpse at. it's the key really and it's very significant. it explains everything and now i know it i'm free. for the first time in 5 months, i am free.