fade out into a dim glow, my light expired as she caressed my head and told me she loved me. her soft fingers sweeping across my brow, her mouth whispering promises in my ear and the more she spoke with conviction the more i realized i was dying a slow death in her arms.
i attempted several times to make an escape, sometimes i made it to the cold country but only became very sick and had to return. sometimes i just thought if i sabotage it there would be finality and escape. however close i became to ending it, destroying it, corrupting it there was an intervention that dragged me back into her loving arms. 
she always said the same thing, and the result was always the same. i felt myself becoming weaker, moment by moment slipping away. 
i could never voice it, my need to escape because the pain was to great, my inadequacy at this whole process, my frustration at her unconditional love which strangled me like a noose around my neck.
then one day i arrived home to see her in the kitchen.
'i fucking hate you,' she screamed. the vase came hurdling towards me and i managed to move from its path with agility i don't possess. the plates came one after another, smashing crashing exploding around me. one hit my shoulder blade and bounced away. another hit my forehead and left a bloody gash across my face.
'you bastard, i hate you fucking bastard.'
each throw was matched in a line of abuse, the projectile and its sonic equivalent.
i looked at her, face crimson with rage, anger dripping from her nostrils, her teeth bared in fierce aggression and her eyes ablaze with fixed certainty i was the target of her seething cumulative hate. it was tidal, it was brutal, a barrage of shards, splinters and chunks. each left its mark and wound, deep inside i was hurting as i understood there was no escape.
eventually, she said something that changed everything, 'i rather be alone than with you.'
and i knew then i was deeply in love and could never be apart from her.

now in clarity i see through the fabrics, veils and the glamour into new orders of existence. i penetrate the dimensional extremes to glimpse new perspectives. 
i look around at the evidence, there's clearly something amiss in my environment, for this is how it is in the mirror universe where everything is reflective but therefore inverted. mirrors are deceptive, we always forget the inversion and never calculate it's distortion as it is so subtle our senses are fooled but the truth always penetrates the lie. you are a truth, i am a truth. we are the truth becoming. 
the only way out is through.
i'm so exhausted by the process, so very disenchanted yet all i have is a truth, a knowledge i should never possess, and it is truth itself. it is my light burning low but still burning true. 
i will go to my grave knowing.
i will return knowing to source.
i will never have another life but i will know this beyond death.
i eventually met myself and she was everything i ever wanted in a woman.