more of it down the wire, accusations, projections and suddenly i realize i'm in the same old relationship that i've always been in. the one where it just goes on and on until i'm bored shitless, depleted and diminished and looking for a distraction. what a fucking nonsensical barrage of bullshit i seem to be up against and something just finally breaks inside me and i understand even acceptance has limits and conditions.
i'm completely wrong. everyone else was right. they all warned me, and thus you became very predictable.
not sure if i stopped caring or if i'm just so bored with the inevitable demands and hoops, the challenges and games, the questions, the lack of understanding, lack of effort, the endless barrage of talking about nonsense, the repetitive loops, the unnecessary shouting, the imposition that i may be a dark energy, a black magickian, a pixie with malevolent intent come to shred her shoes while she sleeps or rearrange the cutlery, the endless comparisons to golden boy with his angel wings and how perfect he is, i dunno but after a while i am just tired from the boxing match when all i wanted was something completely untarnished. this is not getting to know me at all, it's just mindlessness, a type of violence i really don't fucking want around me.
'i'm changing, i'm changing' the mantra goes, on and on like some distorted truth. yeah well you used to actually be beautiful. 
so i am about to delete it all, end it by disappearing from her life totally and the phone rings.
i fess up.
somehow all my anger and frustration just vanishes.