it is very hard when someone projects so much upon me it distorts me into something i am not and can never be. i'm the first to say, i am far from perfect but i am fucking close in the realms that count here which is where my disappointment lays. to be thought of in such a way by the person you love is quite strange and unnerving but i understand and have to do what's necessary despite it feeling like more of the same. i have to be true, remain committed and know myself in these waters, i do.

there is a sadness a grieving over what could have been, a lost love but we did it all backwards, the sad bit first and as my friend steve said, 'there's a lot of hurt before you get to the bliss.'

so let's hurt for a while, i guess i have to trust that process as i know it well but to experience it backwards is new.

i don't want to stay in hurt, there's no real need for me to but it's impossible not to feel the time slipping away, the missed opportunity and potential just be discarded as it was, hidden from sight and think that's ok. it's all necessary, our future is to beautiful to let go off now so i always hold tight.