it happened after a beautiful evening together. i figured i would break convention and surprise her late-night as she was quite emotional, i must admit apprehension on my part, i never know these days what the right action is, it always backfires upon me. i did not know how she would take me but she was absolutely brilliant. 

i don't really know how to describe the feeling of being with the person you love and her wrapping herself around you holding tight and just beaming and happy to see you. it makes everything worthwhile, it makes it all good again. 

i always loved the soft approach in love and here it was finally and it went on getting softer all evening and into the night when it took a turn into some excellent affection and intimacy. 

soft words whispered, as usual not much sleep but something that was broken now seemed whole and whatever residual tension disappeared in the early hours as we held each other.

then in one violent swift and unpredicted moment at the break of dawn she informs me she is running away.

and she does, leaving me bewildered and shocked.

i lay there in her home waiting for her to return but sure enough, she has left me there and run away.

i been through a lot with ms mission she's put me through some heavy shit. i push her buttons granted but i never did anything like this. 

i haul myself out from there fast and stunned and hurt wonder what the hell happened. 
this is now insanity!

later she explains she felt close to me, and became scared of that feeling. so she ran away.
sabotage after sabotage. i wonder what i ever did to deserve this?