Thursday, March 28, 2019

when i saw you in the city on the night of the the you came out from the crowds in a thin veil of glamour, stepping towards me with that enticement and allure, moving with such etheric energy, almost a non human entity, clouded within a cloak of magick, two worlds plainly obvious from my perspective. 
you danced and moved with such individuality, you came at me with that flirtatious entrapment and every moment was a great passionate step into another. i saw you weave your energy around the streets, through people, into places, spinning and turning, wrapping and unwrapping, me enthralled. 
i am very battle worn, suspicious of the glam and how it operates through women and sexuality, suspicious of my own nature and defensive against anything that may not be fully conscious from the maya. i also know my weaknesses, and you were embodiment of it that night.
protection was necessary from myself and from you. your eyes had the sparkle of a deceptive nature, promising one thing and offering another. i was curious and beguiled by you but also in rapture. protection was necessary  for you presented as everything i could love or would destroy me, elemental in essence, thrown from the glam straight into my path, a trick or trap. 
little did i know. 
destiny must have been laughing at me at that point as i floundered in my unknowing and bewilderment.
as i watched you speak and move with me, you became almost like me. i showed you my favorite painting, something i have never done before to anyone. i spend a lot of time with that painting, often on my own and often when the bar is empty. why would i show that painting to you? 
because it is me and i wanted you to see me.
is that authentic or weird? i have no idea, it's all without agenda, unfolding from our future selves, all i can do is appreciate the awesome design and implementation for it is beautiful when i think about it.
we walked down through raindrops that didn't seem to fall but offer random trajectories, you still casting enchantment effortlessly, it poured out into the watery evening, and i kept myself detached as my processes attempted to figure out what this energy was and why it was presenting itself to me like this. 
we ate some food down by the water, in a crowded place we made our space. picking at olives and various cheeses and again my defenses up. it was the first time i wondered what had sent you?
i had, it was your birthday gift and i wanted to show you how much i appreciated all the work you did for me in the past.
i'd no memory of you like this though, a different woman.
the music was a nice interlude, i still found myself completely pulled in two directions, the stage and towards your exuberance as you danced and gave yourself. i felt like i was in some medieval torture, yet this was inner, deeper, paradoxical. pulled in two directions violently.
we had our moment in a cafe, the avatar manifested and said something to you about me, it happens a lot but i don't understand why. i knew then i would have run back under pretext of trains and times, and process what had happened. that wasn't as smooth and simple as i thought for all i could really do was send you the the songs and later i see what songs they were, like:
gravitate to me
beyond love 
uncertain emotions
and i was not sure why but something certainly was and now that certainty is crystal clear.
the rest is history, or future history. 


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