passing time playing cards with jakob, he’s good at shithead, beats me 9 times out of 10, i wonder if the cards are rigged then recall i’ve always been crap at cards, never really wanted to win in competitions just play, i don’t even feel motivated to come first in anything, it’s not really a problem, i just want to better myself, not any one else.
self improvement is a goal i spend years on, why? because it’s really the only work there is in life.
what does it mean working on oneself, in magickal terms this is called the great work and refers to meditation upon the nature of the self, the brain, the mind and the spirit, working out who you are, why you are here and what you have to do and then applying it. in phycological terms it means the same thing, just different language. physician heal thyself. why a magickal path worked for me as opposed to the phycological, mental one is because magickal work has a much more multi dimensional frame work, the map is not the territory, something the sciences don’t really recognize until you deal with quantum phycology.
however all roads lead to roam. ha, those romans.
it it’s through these processes that we can untangle the dna and patterns that imprison us. for example a political meme that may have been passed down from generation to generation, marxism instilled so deep it’s impossible to think outside these references. for this individual all the world is viewed through marxist terms and therefore the mind is preprogramed to make judgements and decisions based on this embedded meme. however it is just a meme, fighting for domination and recognition, the brain is overwhelmed the more virulent the meme the less chance the brain has to think for itself.. the best way to kill these memes are through understanding, acknowledgement, love and significance, however sometimes people need to defend their own memes from meme attack. it’s war baby, it always has been, war is a natural state of all biological entities, we are at war with ourselves and other tribes, unless evolution is at work this natural state is difficult to untangle oneself from. evolution occurs in a natural process, massive bursts of gamma radiation from the sun can cause mutations at a genetic level, the trials of darwinian evolution create innovative and diverse shifts in natures dna, the human mind eventually reaches a point where it can meta program, that is take control of it’s own personality and operational system. this is essentially what magick is, strange word but accurate, perhaps brain change is better as dr. hyatt always said to me.
so lets look at this in action.
significance is a tool used by the mind to attach importance to an event. we can think of significance as a tagging concept. for example we can tag certain political events as being important and heighten their significance in the universe. however this is mostly an arbitrary ‘tagging’ made by our programed patterns and responses.
the patterns come from childhood, parents, environment and beliefs and memes, things that have been imprinted often at a subconscious level that we act on without being fully conscious. so we attach significance to various events, i attach significance to my mothers treatment of me. however, it is my mind that makes that choice. i put a tag upon it, i chose to make it significant over say the exploding binary star that has formed a new galaxy in the andromeda sector of the milky way. or the fact 10000 people just died of starvation while writing this. for some reason my mother gets more significance in my life than these events. natural i guess given the fact i am human but irrational, maybe just complex.
understanding is a different process, fraught with difficulties, however by attaching significance to my relationship with my mother i have no choice but to understand what it is.
in it’s purest sense it is an energy, a life-force she created to protect her from whatever traumas she experienced in her life and i acknowledge through attaching significance to it. i could chose not to, although its very hard, it is after all a mental discipline relating to deep emotional patterns.
understanding this ‘energetic life force’ involves a matter of working out why it exists in the first place.
if we accept the condition that we create reality which any magickian would have to accept as a fundamental truth, why do these experiences exist.
why does anything we encounter exist?
the answer is to experience it.
once you get through the mind field of intellectual trickery the mind projects out at you this becomes the most simple and most elegant answer, beyond science yet embedded in quantum reality and all esoteric knowledge, and sadly totally misrepresented by the new age movement. this is old age stuff. we have to experience it because ths is what living is.
the mad monks who sit in caves and seclusion for hours alone attempting to master their minds are chasing an illusion, the world of formation, the material world is the reality that we manifest within and this is where we should test our own minds and truths. sitting in a cave is akin to playing chess with oneself. reality is also an illusionary process, maya, however it can be manipulated by the mind and eventually any smart mystic will come to the conclusion the mind is an illusion as well. yeah, its one great big cosmic joke which is any buddha worth their title is laughing.
non attachment helps in this process. i mean if some one is getting beaten up i don’t expect them to think ‘oh how wonderful i must experience this.’
but somewhere down the line they have to understand the ‘why’ of the experience is not a random event especially if this pattern repeats itself through ones life over and over in slightly different variations. reality is particles and waves, patterns, perhaps the victim of this starts to develop a fearful energy field around themselves that starts to control their confidence. until the individual acknowledges that this energetic field is not them, it is a separate ‘being’ seeking understanding, acknowledgement and love it will continue to exist. often these fields will engage in other peoples energy fields to maintain it’s life force. thus a victim mentality will always attract a drama where the victim is perpetuated.
patterns exist in nature at all levels, if an individual maps the patterns in their life they can determine what significant events stand out and understand why these patterns exist, remembering that they have chosen the significant events themselves.
the usual reason is the individual has not followed through the sequence of processes involved in this reality.
so what is the rest of the sequence?
we become aware ‘significance’ is something we determine, we understand why it exists now we have to acknowledge that it does exist for us to fully experience, again returning to the idea of non attachment we can detach ourself from the event, mindfulness is an excellent way to do this. okay so again let’s use my mother as an example.
as difficult as it is, as emotionally wrenching and soul destroying i have no choice but to concede that i am creating this pattern because i am attaching some arbitrary significance to this relationship. so i can choose not to or attempt to unravel it’s existence. i can understand that once i created it the energy field exists as an independent energy. it appears and manifests while we are together she creates or presents an energy field that protects her, keeps her safe, stops her feeling insecure and threatened by me yet it is not really her or me, it is an energy field existing for one reason only, to be experienced, understood, acknowledged and then loved.
so in the last posts since i arrived in london and here in israel i am acknowledging my responsibility in the creation of this energy field that exists around me in response to hers.
the next part of the process will be the hardest, the part that requires the most work, the great work is to love the energy field, unconditionally. this is why it exists in the first place, this is why the energy field has manifested in the first place.
i have to find the resources inside myself, the power and truth to love this being, a strange dark force that attracts and repels at the same time, a complex tangled web of destructive impulses and rages that somehow gave birth to me and now i gave birth to it and we are trapped in birthing these beings.
this is what magick is. the subconscious will creating situations and events in the material plane.
there’s many ways to look at these energy fields, in the most part they are created as a form of protection from wounding we have all experienced, sometimes they are karmic fields imprinted in our families, sometimes in our dna as genetic imprints. this is why it is our own responsibility to unravel the forces that operate in our lives and stop ourselves from being free. being a father has been an incredible test of this and i have availed myself to the task diligently and responsibly but patterns and programs will slip through, and jakob will have to do some work as well, i know this, but the work he will have to do unravelling himself should he chose to or find himself in a position where it is necessary will be negligible. my work as a father is done really. he no longer needs me and i no longer need to be responsible for him although i will always be there for him should he need me. he is a man now and as i have said many times in my blog, being a man means taking responsibility for oneself. i guess i should do this symbolically with jake, maybe soon, a ritual of some sorts, maybe take some ‘mushrooms’ together :)