i've been drinking black vodka, wow, what a drink, strange taste not unpleasant but different, it's as if some one squirted squid ink into the mix. we have a big trip tomorrow, i'm not sure how it's going to pan out, tensions high between mum, dad and myself. my poor uncle has to intervene when i refuse to have anything to do with them and chose to stay home rather than travel anywhere, in the end we just drink more vodka. my dad accuses me of being difficult but later i think he knows he is wrong. my general philosophy is i will not tolerate their stupid conditions that they place upon me, nor will i allow myself to feel that they can control me, this is why tension exists, it's a form of separation anxiety. the last bastion they have over me, a clutching at something that parents from that generation seem to think is their right, dominion over their children even when they are adults. i refuse such things, i cannot accept the casual brainwashing from authorities that impose restrictions that contravene my basic human rights. my family are jews, i am as well but i chose not to practice any religious observance as my relationship with god is secure and i don't feel the need to re enact ancient rituals or compromise. my dad however is a god fearing man. he thinks that i should respect his fear, i don't. his god is not mine.
my god doesn't live in israel or rome
doesn't have a church or temple
don't have a set of rules for me to live under except the ones i choose for myself
my god does not fear
my god does not hate
my god does not limit or set boundaries
my god has a sense of humour.
my god loves me and i love my god
my god is within me and without
and my god does not impose upon anyone
so why the fuck should i care about some one else's version?
respect?
i guess that's a good reason but it's also hard to respect something that doesn't respect you. so we will see how things pan out tomorrow. i'm a quiet unassuming guy, i sit in the corner reading my book and am happy if people want to leave me be, but the moment they start to engage me with conditions, rules and control mechanisms that i find are restrictive then they are going to have to have a very good justification that is intellectually satisfying.