okay im on level ground, feeling a bit better after spending time with my israeli family who are just amazing, really amazing people, each and every one of them from the oldest to youngest they have such an incredible sense of love and caring, it's just overwhelming and nurishing. i guess i knew at the back of the mind what i was doing coming to england, it's never been a place that i could have felt happy in, it was destroying me from birth. but here i am half way through my life with a harddrive half filled with amazing experiences and adventures, brilliant freinds and derspite the long distance and time great aunts uncles and cousins and son. so i guess things are not so bad.
i would have loved to have had a good relationship with my mother but it did't work out. that's the way it is.
yeah i'm looking for light, i walked in darkness, saw the worst human condition offers and observe it all the time and as nitzchche says, 'he who stares into the abyss the abyss also stares into him.'
how can it not. i'm a open mind, the boundries blew away a long time ago, the ego crashed and burnt, i am generally happy vibrant and positive but after a pounding from the first female imprint and figure in my life it's taken it's toll, i just want to go home and heal myself a bit and get on with normal things.