my brother has not spoken to me for three days, usually when he does since my arrival it is to mention my failed relationships and my ex's, my lack of being financially flush or my weight. he will do all of this while we are with jakob. this is my fucking family who think i am rude. anyway i admit i am a fat fuck at the moment.

i went into watford, a place i can only describe as inhabited by zombies, alcoholics, mass murderers and the walking dead. honestly who sucked the life out of this place? what evil force is at work here, you can taste the despair. is this what life is like for millions of people, wandering around aimlessly, already dead. the place is crawling with eastern europeans, they flock into the good old uk for the free health, housing, cash payments and education, the tax payers pay for this and in return they get well i don't know what they get.
this is the shape of things to come, the european union has forced europe to accept people into it's borders to work, complete free movement of all populations within europe and seeing as though the uk had a healthy socialist like hand outs to it's citizens why wouldn't you want to migrate here, i would if i was a mindless zombie living on cigarettes and alcohol, it's amazing,
i'm in a bookshop making a transaction.
'oh you have a nice accent where are you from?'
'actually i went to school here but ended up in australia where i have lived for the last 22 years.'
'are you on holiday?'
'no, visiting my mental mother and my dad.'
'when was the last time you were here?'
'about 9 years ago.'
'you must have noticed a change?'
'oh yes, a big one.'
'what was it?'
'well for starters the tv is crap, even worse than australia and there's a kind of sickness here like the whole country just got sick and can't recover.'
'what do you mean?'
'well i don't know, i'm answering your question as best i can, i'm still a bit shocked about being here.'
'well what else have you noticed about the place.'
'it has no vitality, the way buildings are falling apart, the roads are a mess, the way gardens are empty and dead, the way there are no animals anywhere, the way there's no happy people, the way people move around. the dead shops, the products all cheap and nasty, the lack of care, the lack of quality, the whole country is changed, i don't recognise it, it's not england, hardly anyone speaks english here anymore.'
'you don't recognise it, how do you think we feel.' she says, 'it happened so fast, no one had any time to change it, it just happened and now we are all reeling.from it.'
'what exactly happened?' i ask.
'the labour govt. tony blair and gordon brown and the dammed eu and now the people are wondering what happened to the country.'
'well really it is the end of countries,' i say, 'basically all borders are no longer geographically defined. the physical ideal of a border is changing and no longer relevant. instead what's occurring is the ideological country where the new populations may live in geographically different areas and parts of the world but they are connected by their ideology. and that makes them a country.'
she calls over the rest of the staff and asks me to repeat it. i do, they listen and nod their heads. some ask me questions and some want a better explanation which i give them. it's a strange life, i always wanted to do a bookshop reading or literary thing but here i am giving one to the staff.
'come back and talk some more' they say as i am walking out.






'