last night my cousin iris spoke about her fears of death and losing her parents. ironic i know, i guess i have divorced myself from my mother emotionally, she means very little to me anymore, her pure hatred of me had made this a necessity, if i invested any emotional energy into her words or intentions then i would just be damaged goods. my father is different, he's always been my connection to the etheric world of his family and my heritage, not that i am enslaved by it but it is a very special quality that side of the family have, a connection to love i guess. but i have resolved myself with the idea that he will die soon, i know this will occur and i am prepared for it, although i am also aware we have unresolved issues, i can't open up to him about my feelings towards mum, he won't be able to deal with it plus it may just send him on his merry way prematurely, so i guess even through i'm resigned to his death it's going to leave a gap for me that i will have to live with.
but i say to my cousin that i feel on first names basis with death, it is more familiar to me than my mother, it's a good relationship and i understand that death is married to life, one cannot have one without the other, one reminds the other that each moment is precious, must be treasured and sacred and that the chain of karma is passed down from parent to child which is why it is important to let go of attachments in death, treasure memory, each moment is an eternal now, and one can only strive towards love instead of fear lest the moment be tainted. and know that your responsibility as a parent is to bring that moment to your children so that they are free. despite my own struggle with this it's got to be close to the truth of the matter.