Wednesday, December 24, 2014

xmas eve, holographic kid and me pushing through the maddening crowds of aggravated shoppers, everyone on edge in the shopping mall madness, like an exotic fever western consumerism goes start raving mad this time of year. i'm attempting to get to the bank before they close their doors, i hate my bank. don't take it personally i say to the smug cashier, i hate all banks equally. i'm democratic in my hatred for banks as i am for my hatred of lawyers and pharmaceutical products.
'would you like to increase your credit limit mr. mission?'
'yeah increase it to a trillion dollars please'
nervously, 'oh i better get the manager.'
i'm the last customer of the day, these mindless morons want me out so they can go to the pub and shag the assistant manager. they want the xmas party i want a trillion limit on my card.
an executive in a pencil skirt wanders out from behind a glass screen and her grey terminal.
'what seems to be the problem mr. mission.'
i have to take a breath. 'after making my enquiry as to the status of my account your delightful cashier here asked me if i wanted to increase my credit limit, to which i said yes, i'd like to increase it to a trillion dollars thank you.'
a laugh escapes her thin lips, 'i'm sorry mr. mission, we are not authorised to offer you a million, let alone a trillion dollars.'
'why make an offer if you can't.'
'well i think cheryl was just suggesting a small increase.'
'i want a trillion dollar limit so i can actually do something constructive with it, like invest in medicinal marijuana or buy a submarine.'
the holographic kid laughs, and then catches my serious disapproving glance.
'look mr. mission the bank is closing, do you want to return on monday morning, i can speak with you personally.'
'no, i'm here now speaking to you personally. get on the phone and start the process, a trillion, no more no less. think of it as a business investment.'
'but the interest would be huge, how would you manage?'
'well i wouldn't. there would be no interest because it don't exist does it. it's just a digital zero and one, no value whatsoever, a symbolic representation.'
'look mr. mission, we can't give you a trillion dollar limit. now i'm going to ask you to leave.'
the staff are looking edgy, i'm keeping them from their party. 
'right well next time don't ask me a loaded question, do i really want to get even more in debt to a bank? what kind of question is that, it's like saying would you like your tumour to grow larger. do you think that's responsible, good practice. really? do you?'
cheryl and the executive look stunned, they don't know what to say, the holographic kid tugs at my shirt, pulling me towards the door.
we exit.
'what the fuck happened in there?'
'brain snap hk brain snap!'


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