here's the awful truth about being me, people being shallow, brainwashed, pre conditioned apes (down under) look at me, they see a black guy, a physical guy with a mean looking face, some one who dosn't talk a lot or make dumb conversation, and immediatley they feel threatened or intimidated, males often acknowledge me by a respectful nod or some primal unconcious sign, females often just avoid me or are attracted to what they think is the protective instinct that a guy who looks like me may generate. unfortunatly due to my mental status and creative output, men are instantly devoid of anything for me to relate to, unless it's art or philosophy and women tend to just wanna fuck and run becuase i don't have any thing of intrest to offer in the way of security or physiological needs, my love is expansive, yet focused on those that feed my soul not drain it. i don't need freinds and i don't seek them. consequently being nice dosn't come easy, but i am nice, i am extreemly emerssed in humanity having worked for 30 years with the homeless, orphans, victims of child abuse, offenders, drug and alcohol users, mentally ill, autistic, downs syndrome, pychiatric illness and various forms of youth work. i am increasingly aware of the power and control that seems to perpetuate human interaction. so when i am accused of being intimidating it really is a projection of the accuser based on their fear. this actually happens a lot, in situations i am innocent of, i know myself extreemly well, i am intimidating on an intellectual level but to say people fear me is insane.
when this happens (at work) i am usually accused and then told no one will take it further and left to deal with the situation alone. no support, no friends to proccess it with, no recourse. it's a strange world where you can be accused of something and then abandoned by the system that accuses you, i think i rather be held accountable and at least have recourse. anyway at the end of the day people make their judgements, and i don't really have any control over them, i hope that one day people in this country, learn to break through their fears and preconcieved notions that dark skinned people are not neccessarily thugs or villans.
personnally this may be a long time comming, aborigional australia has been living with this for 220 years.
now don't get me wrong i know that i am partly responsible for how i present in the world, however it's never my intentions to make enemies or have people think the worst of me, far from it. but the road to hell is paved with good intentions and this seems to be the truth in my life.
4 comments:
people freak out at you because you willfully, playfully & openly emit 8 frequencies.
to a species of which 98% can only really transceive 3 frequencies and only guess at maybe another 2, you are perceived as whatever their little monkey brains fear as alien.
being any colour other than light brown is an instant cause for confusion in a society where tv only portrays ligh-brown life with any sense of reality.
remember too that in all but the most developed hives, intelligence is a threat because it makes you too valuable to waste fighting on the border.
also, you work odd hours - ones that give you what most primates fear the most;
leisure
for a sub-species whose number one fear is boredom (funny for something with such a little brain, but there you go), the idea of leisure is linked to all sorts of fears - 'by what sinister means do you not have to work and toil as we do' they wonder.
your needs do not fit the template primates require in order to interact satisfyingly - the little monkey-folk are not sure how to appease you, not sure what turns you on. all their little dances and gibberings and lice-picking and fruit sharing dont return the vital, expected result that keeps their social order in place.
think about it;
to the monkeyflesh you are a strangely coloured, super-smart, time-eater fuelled by alien means.
cats, bugs, cetaceans & the 2% of likewise aliens dig this, but the little hive monkeys.....
....just be thankful they didnt nail you to a tree.
I keep reading this (blog, awful name not giving it justice) after finding it by accident, but find it interesting and worth coming back to. Bit over my head, subjects I know about just not to the same depth and don't often feel I can make intelligent comment. But this entry has given it a physicality that I didn't expect. Sad to say I thought it was written by a white person. Sad from my perspective, not yours, as I think I'm guilty of sterotyping which I didn't think I was capable of, always thought I had a broader outlook than that. Are you mean-looking or are you saying that goes with black skin?
As said before, belatedly I'm educating myself, single parent with not enough money for a social life but hates television, studying has been an alternative. I did Professor Stuart Hall's sociology course last year, if you don't know him, he was originally from Trinidad, lived most his life in England so most of his course was about things like sterotyping, diaspora, race, et al. I grew up in rural Yorkshire where the first black person I ever met was at age 8, a doctor at the local hospital where I'd been treated since birth for something you can't tell I had now, so good where my doctors. Thing is, for years I then thought all black people were kind, gentle, and far more intelligent than the whites I'd grown up with. I've now lived all over the place and mixed with all races, and can honestly say I don't see anyone in colour, just think of us all as being the same. I'm street-wise but naive at the same time.
Which is why I'm feeling jolted now at assuming you were white. Although when I lived in Sydney, I didn't even meet any aboriginals until I went travelling in the country, but vividly remember reading that in Queensland an aboriginal had been jailed for stealing something like a loaf of bread and being shocked, thinking that was just down to his colour. That's 20 years ago now, hope that sort of thing has been outlawed now. But I guess prejudice still lives on? What a sad world we live in, really.
Entries up above, did you write all that in one day, or cut and paste it from elsewhere? An amazing amount that I haven't read in its entirety yet, but again, absorbing. I only realised a couple of years ago when delving into Wicca how I'd had a pagan upbringing under the auspices of christianity. I'm going through some strange midlife crisis at the moment and seem to keep reading about pagan and eastern religions, don't think I'm religious but seem to have this strange need to read about it. I have my own peace-loving philosophies that I live by. However, like you I don't seem to meet people I can connect with, usually a bunch of wankers. I'm what's labelled 'attractive for her age', but thanks to being non-conformist and unconventional, in the world I work in that is, get treated as 'strange, weird' and no-one knows what to do with me. Funny how perception informs judgement.
Mand
Hiay Mand
well i appreciate your comments, thanks for taking the time to write, and don't feel threatened by any intellect here, its a relative term. i work with people who have some form of 'intellectual disability' and i've worked with these people for long enough to know them, and the only difference i can see between them and us, is we can cover our disabilities up a bit better.
As far as being black goes, it's an intresting situation. I grew up in london and was friends with black kids and white but the black kids never once thought i was black and the white kids never thought i was white, i actually have olive skin, brownish, when i lived in canada i lost all my colour and was pale, it was not until i came here to sydney that people saw me as black. it was really weird and i must admit very disorientating, especially as there were only 3 black people in sydney at that time. Ha! No that's a slight exaggeration but there wasn't many. So over the years i just accepted my blackness in australia, my whiteness in canada and my browness in the uk. funny what freaks people out most is when i say i'm jewish. not that i practise the religion but it's my families religion. i actually experience more racsism because of that than anything else.
the racism here is really weird, in the uk it's the skin head 'pub yobbo' that is obviously rascist, whereas here it is much more of an intellectually subconcious behaviour. Mostly perpetrated by middle class white australia, who are filled with fear, guilt and shame about the state of aborigional people whom this society places very little value upon (unless it's opening ceromony for the big sporty event)
as i write this, aborigional communities are being devistated by alchol and drugs that the police and authorities will not control or resrict becuase it effects the brewries and the petrol companies, (petrol being the drug of choice) sexual abuse is rife, domestic violence, suicide and addiction, why? every one asks. the answer is...
here is an incredibly rich culture with a wisdom and heritage that expands 40000 years and in 220 years its reduced to having no place in the new culture. very tragic in light of the fact that australia has so much to learn from the indiginous population. but back to me... yeah, it's weird i do have a threatening shell, i look kinda, mean and people always instantly feel threatened by me, until i start joking or using stratagies that make them feel comfortable. However sometimes i let em stew.
I recal one day sitting in a nice house in a very posh suburb with some very wealthy people just after 9-11, they were drinking very expensive champagne and wine, and outside in the drive way was a row of bmw's and mercs, anyways i am sitting there and this man says,
'yeah serves those americans right.'
nods of agreement all around
'yeah it's the americans fault cos they are all capitalists'
'yes' a lady encased in gold says, ' i hate the capitalists.'
Now that actually happened. I couldn't believe it, a group of people in a big palm beach house, sucking down moet and spilling caviar over their furs, dissing capitalists.
so yeah australia is a strange plece filled with many splendid things but the clever country it ain't.
glad you enjoyed the long post above, its a lot of stuff i put together from other stuff, part mine part some one elses, it's been slightly modified to suit my own purposes but it's a good, and i feel accurate assessment of the magickal currents.
I hope you don't mind but from what i read from your posts about yourself, you may find the book 'Prometheus Rising' helpful in your practical navigation through lifes ups and downs, it's based upon the 8 curcuits Tim Leary mapped but the author here is Robert A Wilson. There's some very good excersises at the end of each part and personally doing those will be the equivelent of three years in any university. (unless you need the cert but they can be bought over the net as well)
i second the motion to not worry about any intellect here.
i myself cant find any.
not of this stuff is intellectual in the slightest.
its all raw technique and 100% objective observation that has passed thru tousands of living breathing dicerse neurosystems before hitting these pages.
everything here is doable, applicable, livable and fun. only the descriptions exist words - the actual content is 100% practical.
sure engage your intellect for what its worth - a simple chemical retrieval system for symbols - but you may find that fuzzy logic, intuition, impulse, orgasm, intoxication and rapture get you further than study, cross-referencing and analysis.
maybe.
oh yeah, and for a first hand account of the captain;
think of a guy who challenges every single preconception youve ever had about race, colour, intellect and attitude.
people see their own fears and fantasys in him.
is he black? is he white? is he gay? is he straight? is he mr responsibility or mr impulsive?
well the best thing about ol'captain mission is theres no and/or. being a quantic individual hes both at once.
and so's his dog.
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