I confess to having a few troubles at work, firstly there's a problem with a Filipino lady who complained saying she feels threatened by me, secondly with the lady she complained to who is my boss. when i was confronted about this i was told that the Filipino lady felt intimidated by me and i should remember that english is her second language, to which i responded by saying, ' i am afraid i don't speak any Filipino.'
later in the week the boss started to make small comments to me, demeaning my work and challenging my capabilities, now i have no trouble being challenged at all, in fact i rejoice in it especially at work because i am so well trained and experienced but becuase i felt vunerable i kinda just wore her comments on the chin, only at the meeting i mentioned in an earlier post she started to attack me. now this is nothing new, i have always been attacked by various individuals in my career but this time it was witnessed. i spoke with the witness whom said he was so disturbed by it he had to talk to the boss (yeah the instigator) and she confessed feeling 'intimidated' by my experience and knowledge, but there is speculation that there is a sexual undercurrent, ie my boss is attracted to me.
sexual tension is an interesting energy, i think it's basically what makes the world go around, more so than love, it's so potent sometimes, if it can be harnessed we can kiss goodbye to oil.
i once met a girl, in fact the only girl i have ever really loved, her name Marnee, when we met the room ignited in a blue/purple electrical storm. we both saw it and were drawn into it's beauty together, but it was a mutual expression that we harnessed. if sexual tension is not acknowledged it can be destructive, it can manifest in all sorts of weird shit, neurotic impulses, irrational behaviors and unresolved thoughts. i think humans need to get in touch with their sexual identities a lot more, it's all very well half the planet has some sort of spiritual identity but very few people explore their sexual one, to the point where we can all be comfortable with saying, 'oh there's a nice bit of sexual tension.'
anyway, the part of me that is a magcikian feels responsible for creating this tangle, so i have to untangle it by, a small ritual and some diplomacy, the problem with these situations is it gets very difficult to untangle them unless you can let go, and letting go is my speciality.
as for the filipino lady, i'm going to just carry on as usual, if she wants to make an issue outta it she can put it in writing, there's a proceedure she can follow.
5 comments:
how are you at letting go of letting go?
ha that's a great question, i guess i'm learning to let go of letting go, but i'd like to go extreme and let go of letting go of letting go :)
Thanks for your response the other day. Your post on monday was a good read. It gave me a clearer picture of what you mean by chaos magic. Spare’s very interesting. Maybe the crowley quote i raised could be seen as a belated concession to spare’s thinking. Spare’s statement that “the kia which can be expressed in conceivable ideas is not the eternal kia” and his denouncement of belief systems, religion & ceremonial magic echoes in crowley’s rebuke that magic should not be seen as “a way of life” but “the way of life”. Spare & crowley both (in the end) had considerable reservations about the use of definition in regards to finding their state or awareness. Crowley may have spent much of his life defining magic but ultimately there’s a change in his stance. When crowley presents magic to us as “the way of life”, i suspect like spare, he is also implying a force or momentum that underlies us; a force which conceivably takes on it’s own expression in magicians and mystics or anyone in a state to act as a conduit to or for it. Magic in this sense is undefined, the invisible nature of the universe if you like, which when given the right conditions emerges, not unlike life itself. Belief and definition in relation to such a state can only be seen as rivals or a barrier to its emergence; because both serve to create and maintain a sense of separation between the truth and ourselves. When spare says we are already part of god i assume he equates seeing the truth to being the truth, no separation, seem logical? The trick i suppose, is it’s unapproachable through definition or belief, which objectify god into a static dead concept that we either follow or attempt to understand externally (separation), when god (not a word or concept) to be “sensed” would require us to come into its & our own living present naked and empty handed. It’s a sad irony that we can be in no other place, desire to know nothing more intensely, suffer so deeply for its absence and remain detached from its presence somewhere within us and this moment. I guess until we let go of everything, jettison all our cargo, junk & jewels for that “inconceivable zero” we’ll remain trapped in this tragic psychological force field that’s sustained by any & all the notions that positions the truth out there as opposed to in here.
d.a thank you so much for a very lucid insight above, yes i absolutly agree with what you're saying, i'm not sure how objective a mind can be when they profess to be a magickian or mystic, when, life or God may have it's own purpose, is it destiny or will?
from a choas point of veiw there is no god other than yourself, should you chose to step up to the mantle. however by investing belief in some of these gods, and systems they employ, the magickian can 'hack' in and get results. it's the subconcious 'belief' that's important, or as Dr. Lisiewski may term, the subjective synthasis,
the magickian can operate as a vessel for life or for a more selfish objectives ie himself or as Crowley suggested both (true will) i guess all that depends on the state of the individual, it's like any power, with the potential to corrupt. at the end of the day the chaos magickian just wants to get a result. i read that magick can only tip the scales slightly towards your outcome, and i think that this is reasonable. to try to use magick to fly or make time stop (other techniques can be used to do these) is against probability, but to get an edge i think it's very effective.
letting go of letting go of letting go is very cool.
however far you take it its the same old trick of letting go of having to do anything.
might be the wu wei the daoists talk about - have it dont have it. act, dont act.
either way the cosmos keeps on churning.
does god explicate thru allowing or thru instigating?
both i assume.
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