Thursday, September 04, 2008

how does it all work, i go to work, get paid, money comes in, it goes out, i am in it's flow, i owe my brother money that i'm struggling to return, i owe speeding fines, i owe rent, and car payments, i can't afford to have a social life yet i manage to get my dose, here and there, in really need a budget or at least to control my book habit. i like being alone and reading my books, drinking water or tea, i don't like noise yet i make music, i hate electric lights but love the sun, i don't abuse my body or mind with pharmaceuticals but i feed them plant medicine, i don't believe in ghosts just the spirits and i love love yet i am single, i'm the most romantic man in the world yet there's no one special in my life. i have a brother that is going back to london yet i want him to stay, i have a son that is brilliant and i wish we could spend more time together but he is torn with work and university as i am with my commitments, i have a cd out that i should feel excited about but instead the whole notion of selling it seems absurd. i have millions of things i want to say and only repeat myself, im a walking contradiction within a paradox and these are the forces pulling me every which way. i can see the attraction of living in the jungle with the tribes people.

here's a strange thing.
i took my camera to paul weller, thought i'd just get a few pictures, as i said before i'm not a huge fan (love the track heavy soul) but i respect his work and i thought i may get an interesting shot, which i did. and then when i put the film in the shop rang me five mins later to say they had fed the film into the machine and accidentally destroyed it. they offer me a replacement film. i'm amazed that these places can be so blase about this, i mean what if they was wedding photo's or i was using them professionally and lost income. what this means is, anyone could open up anything service orientated and not offer the service they are promoting. then it hit me, this is the very problem with society. it's filled with people offering a service they can't deliver.

i meet martin in the city, we wander around the nautical museum, looking at antiquity then we wander up to meet jake for dinner and a few drinks. it's great, you know i was really happy with my brother and jake, laughing and being together. it's a rare thing as we are all so busy but i thought to myself, this is all that really matters. jake and i have a look at the view from martins office, its breath taking. then we wander through the executive conference rooms and corridors and labyrinths of the legal peaks. i run to a podium and go into a fake holly wood accent.
"ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and you (i point to an imaginary audeince) lets see (i pull an imaginary envelope out) the nomonies for the best leading actor are, (read from imaginary list)
for his role in 'non stop porn party 2' martin mission
for his role in non stop porn party 2 jakob mission and the winner is....." etc

so i have an e mail from fbi who congratulate me and say they will play my cd on two shows, 'the bridge' and the 'up for it'
bless you fbi radio

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