Wednesday, September 17, 2008

follow your bliss
that's what i'd like to say if some one ever asks me what i do for a living.
the sad truth is i don't.
i attempt to find bliss in whatever i do
i fail often
Buddha says life is suffering
Mission says Buddhas on to something
the fact is life is getting complex and people struggle and fight with themselves more than anyone else
trying to make sense of it
trying to figure it out
trying to escape because sometimes the grey skies are so freaking heavy
sometimes you just gotta be strong and know when to chose your battles.
and when to admit defeat
sometimes you just gotta let it all go.
winning the competition was important because i needed validation that i was a good writer and capable of being recognised. but the fact is writing is writing, weather its good is a subjective expression. my writing just is.
i'm happy with that.

grey morning i awake with a phone sending out loud signals intruding into my tortured dream, it's crazy dave offerring me masses of musical equipment for a cheap price. i thank him and then just as i'm drifting back, phone still in my hand it rings again. it's my clients mother, some how she managed to get hold off my number, she's rung me to say she supports me and likes me and i have a friend in her.
i thank her and figure the day may as well start now.
i meet my friend evan, a wise friend, some one i am close to. we both feel the earth weep as it acknowledges it has to shake us up a bit, we both feel it's hurt as rain forests are chopped down for ethanol, whales are hacked for make up and science, we know the sad and empty truth. we both know reading the newspaper won't make us feel better. my friend mike says not reading the newspaper is like a form of denial. i get caught in the middle. i read the science articles. they discovered a new planet 10 times the size of jupiter orbiting a star. they have not named it yet but i will refer to it as 'kilbey two' after steve.

this may be the last time
this may be the last time
this may be the last time
i don't know
this may be the last time
this may be the last time
this may be the last time
i don't know

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