Monday, December 23, 2013

i do miss my friends tez and jean from brighton, they are such great people, i really feel like i need to see them, my son jake and my folks and my brother and all the people in my life back in the uk, it's another attempt for me to try to make peace with my mother i guess. i wanna hang out with jake and yesterday he invited me to stay at his groovy pad in london which was cool, and maybe the one thing that motivates me to actually plan something but the latest i can do it is probably 2015, maybe around my birthday, i always have such low key ones, it may be the perfect occasion to go out and celebrate with jake. it's such a fucking hard thing being a parent but jake made it so easy for me, he is an angel, my angel, fucking hell man he went to live in london with almost no cash and just a dream to get into the world of fashion and he did, he was an intern for a year, living on vegetarian noodles, doing it hard for a year in fucking miserable london, living in this tiny room, and now he's asking me over saying i can stay with him in london. this will work for me, i feel gutted about my last trip but this may work, and it's something i look forwards to, having a chat with jakob about a whole load of good stuff.
my favourite memory is when jake pulled out his cigarettes at the station. 
we were heading into the city after three days with my mother and we were both feeling a little frustrated and half way in on the tube jake told me to disembark so i did. we walked up a long tube staircase and he leant against the graffiti covered wall just near the surface, i had a glint of a tree and some grey clouds, but there was london standing in the tube stairwell smoking a cigarette in front of his dad for the first time, and he offered me one.
'jake,' i said, 'i think i'm going to need something stronger than that.'
we just laughed, and was the laughter of two people who know one another, and when i left him at the station and returned to australia his last words that first time, were, 'i know you dad.'
that's a good thing, it resolves everything i needed to resolve, i'm all good intentions, but they get misread, misunderstood, it's my fault, i gotta tweak it slightly but i do like to play in the world, i like flirting with everything that comes along, if it demands serious consideration i'll be serious. 
last time i was in london i dragged him to david bowie and a few bookshops, we did a few kooky things hung out with his lovely friends but it was not long enough. i know quality is the name of the game, but i would like a little more time with jake, that's really what i want, the four days i had last time were not enough considering i was there for almost six weeks.
he is my holy guardian angel if ever there was one, i love you jakob, we will catch up soon old friend.

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