heading over to amalia, i feel i should be bearing a gift, i'm to wasted to organise anything, i'd like to come by smoke a joint and sleep with you but i'm just a mess at the moment, travelling on auto pilot, on the slipstream of a big trip and a new reality.
i can't get my brain out of gear and i can't seem to jump start, although a little bit of sun has made a big bit of difference.
we look at photo's her adventures, a holiday, a trip, strange shots of trans america, out of focus, blurred neon, drinks, i see her trail, lost clothes, wrecked marriages, crocodiles and alligators, passerby's, lonely guys with hangovers, music festivals, smiling faces, happy people, strange hollywood highs and lows, fun while it lasts, till the teardrop falls. it did look like a lot of fun but we are both older now, it takes it's toll, there is always a price. it's good being with her, at the moment she's about as real as it gets for me. everything else is out of reach as it barely even seems to based in material existence. we talk about our mothers, both very complex and difficult, amalia is taking hers on the journey to heal themselves, i can't, it's the fork in the road for me, i'm letting go of that and travelling away.
i miss jake, he's at the back of my mind, always.
i have nothing much to give anyone anymore, i feel empty, i want to close my eyes and sleep deeply and meet you in a dream.