another ceremony with darpan at the place where it all started, the big house in Avalon and with Larissa there the space was perfect.
i really enjoyed the taste of the brew, made my a master it tasted sweet and loving, i was apprehensive, hadn't really prepared although i'd fasted well, now here i am listening to the opening words and ritual, i listen to darpan's words in awe, he was telling us some history. a bowl with the engraving of the two separate markings of the two ayahuscia plants had been found in the jungle, it was well preserved and dated as 2500 years old. also the hundreds of jungle tribes had discovered ayahuascia independently. i found myself slowly watching everything melt, at the edge of the darkness forms were forming, ripples of strange coral leaves, strange intelligent beings from another dimension, the Magnificent sea anemones rippling leaf like fronds moved slowly towards my body, i was nervous and thought of Meister Eckhart.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. "

and those wonderful lines from Jacobs Ladder quoting him again
'The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life; your memories, your attachments. They burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul, if you're frightened of dying and holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it. As long as you are afraid of death, the evil demons will torment you, but when you let go and aren't afraid anymore, you'll find those demons to be angels."

as these things became closer i started to worry that they may touch me, they were approaching fast and i wasn't sure if they were friendly, as they touched my skin they tickled and tingled the hairs and i could feel their kisses. Suddenly the universe became a Rorschac test and the boundry's started blurring, i could feel the walls of my mind expand. These things faded.
Later i felt the grief, a collected unision of sadness and human sufferring, i recieved images of hindus suffering as they build some structures, bodies falling away, toiling on some pointless task, the mass of bodies falling in upon itself and some being trampled and crushed. i could see how this represented the grief of the ages.
later ideas came to me thick and fast, i'd get glimpses of the quantum foam theory, every idea forming a new bubble in an endless ocean, every bubble a universe. It was infinite, potential, choice and free will all came together at one point.
It was nice to sit outside with my friend and watch the dawn, listen to the birds and chat about the Mission. She is the High Priestess.
She has a huge destiny and will save the world.
I have to do my part in that some how.
These plants have wisdom and knowledge to share and all we have to do is listen, all i want to do is heal, and play. The strange ideas and thoughts i cling to don't make me happy, the work i do, it can't make me happy. It's all Maya, even the mind that perceives it.
I enjoyed Darpan's closing ceremony, it was so positive and beautiful. And the plant speaks for itself. Beautiful music, beautiful words, beautiful place.