Occasionally i like to dip into hedonistic pursuits and the last few evenings have been quite excessive, but now its time to reboot, its a glorious morning, the surf is beautiful, crystal clarity, cloudlessness and an old classic church song plays, 'to be in your eyes,' taking me back to the first time i ever bought that album, the guy in our price records commented on the cover art, he said, ' i wondered what they sound like.' i said, 'man they sound like the only band that matters.' that was a long time ago.
today that song plays and i am drifting along with it, steves voice so detached, like a ghost haunting the airwaves. a ghost that really cares, so much longing in that voice it still sends a shiver down me spine, still the only band that really matters.
so yeah a few nice sublime excursions over the last few evenings has left me feeling lighter, sexual healing, i guess.
i'm contemplating reclusiveness for a few months, lots of reading and art, i need to complete unfinished projects, pay debts, consolidation but i can't seem to commit to anything to concrete, at the moment information just passes through me and i am happy to watch what it does to my neurology, on a physical level my body is changing, excess weight is falling off, i feel taller, faster, somewhat more efficient. (i wish i had a long tail though)
it's funny i was thinking about the way girls and relationships manifest, always in dualities for me, the destructive individual offering danger and excitement, or the more balanced saner individual who can actually contribute something to my quality of life without taking from me.
throughout my relationship history i have always been attracted to the damaged goods, not sure why exactly but i would hazard a guess it feeds my need to have something to write about. also the challenge is immense, usually testing my resolve, patience and will, which always needs a good work out. a few months ago i mentioned an exercise in unconditional love, from which i manifested emilie and sam, again both polarities, in emile was potentiality, i went down a tangent where i saw our lives unveiled and it was a good union, in sam i don't see anything but the moment, and that has equal value because the moments have all been good.
unconditional love produces potentiality, navigating my way through emilie was easy but i was aware there were a few hidden mines, and it seems they were all detonated to blow when i got to close, perhaps that why i never slept with her, i don't want to be on a list of debrie, ex partners and unfulfilled promise. Me, I know my worth.
so adventures in love continue, skin shed, games played out, the rules re written, its a beautiful day here in mission control, it's a beautiful day here in babylon, its a beautiful way my heart just gets lighter inversly proportionally to my soul.

so i am thinking about a short trip somewhere, maybe london/paris, catch the church paly in europe, see my folks, spend time wandering around in the europian summer evenings, i dunno, it's all there right now waiting to be plucked. picked and pickled. anyway my emotions are calibrated, reading the terrain, picking up all sorts of transmissions and sending out waves of love to my brothers and sisters, and not forgetting our furry friends.